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Dead Men Walking
Topic Started: Nov 28 2014, 02:20 AM (70,992 Views)
DoctorYerishi
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Dude, wake up! We've got a world to save.
Eli blinked at the confession, then again at question. Finally, he looked up and met her gaze.

“You’re… not wrong,” he managed. “I don’t know.”

He hated the way that second part came out. He hated that he even said it. It wasn’t helpful or useful. It was weak and wishy-washy. It was also true. He didn’t know what he wanted or felt before Glenda, and he certainly didn’t know after.

For a moment, he wondered if he should tell her about Jimmy. Maybe that would help her at least, if she was half as confused as he was. It would be easier if she resented him for it. At least that would be closure of some kind.

More likely, it would just mix her up even more. Or maybe not. Was concealing it the right thing? Was telling her? He was starting to feel like he knew less than he ever had before.

He sighed. “Did I tell you I’m gonna miss you, yet?”
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Is that so?
Willow wasn't sure what hurt more. Crying or not crying.

Every heavy sob had wracked her chest with pain; but now that no more tears were left for her to give. Her body had gotten the rest it needed after that ordeal, but her mind was exhausted. She had only known Glenda for a month, but the bond they shared was strong. In a way, she was like a surrogate mother; a caring figure that always looked out for her, but was stern when she needed to be. When everyone else had given up on her as a lazy nobody at Mount Kisco, she still believed. She gave her encouragement, taught her skills, looked out for her. She gave her advice and a shoulder to lean on when things got tough; she wasn't the best at it but she really did try. In a hostile world where nobody cared, she did. And now she was dead. And Willow hadn't even been there. She hadn't had a chance to say goodbye. Or to thank her for everything that she had done for her. She was so thankful... but had never really let her know that. As painful as it was, the most painful thing to Willow was the words she never said that she should have.

As these thoughts possessed her, she sat back up and grabbed on tightly to Brandon as if he were the only thing she had left in the world. Because right now she felt like he was. He was the single most important thing to her now and she didn't want to let go. Even when his embrace hurt her back, she didn't want him to let go either. It gave her strength, but now it terrified her. What if what happened to Glenda happened to Brandon? Then what would she have left? Would she return to her depressed self like at Mount Kisco? Become a burden? Lose her will to fight and live? She didn't know the answer to that question. Nor did she want to know.

"Good." She spoke her answer somberly into his shoulder. "I don't want to be here anymore."

* * * * *

Randall stood outside Annie's home. He was looking at the door, but he couldn't bring himself to knock or ring the doorbell. He was afraid. He was scared. He knew that she had made it through the night, so her safety wasn't why he was concerned. Rather, after the previous night, he just had so much on his mind that he wanted someone to talk to. And not someone from the group. Annie was the only person that came to mind.

Well, that and he wanted to say goodbye.

He looked like hell; his clothing was still dirty and disheveled and he had bags underneath his tired eyes. After the night he'd had, he felt like one of the rotters without even being hurt. He mustered his nerve and finally rang the doorbell.
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DoctorYerishi
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Dude, wake up! We've got a world to save.
Annie answered the door quickly, and summoned a small sympathetic smile when she saw who it was. She put down the bag of luggage she was carrying on the floor next to her.

“Hi,” she said gently.

Even if his ragged look didn’t give it away, she had an idea of what he must be going through. She knew what it was like to lose people close to you, even suddenly and without warning. She didn’t know if he was in the mood to receive it, but she stepped forward and hugged him anyway. After holding him for roughly half a minute, she patted him on the back and leaned away.

“I heard about Glenda,” she said. “I’m sorry.”
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Is that so?
"Thanks." Randall gave her a slightly forced smile.

Even if it was difficult for him to show, he was genuinely grateful for the gesture. It didn't make the pain any less, but it was something. It was support.

"Losing two of our own... rather, I guess only one... I trusted him... I swear to God, I did... and look where it got us. I doubt anyone will even want us back here once the truth of the matter leaks out."

Randall let out a tired sigh and rubbed his forehead. The words weren't coming out quite as clearly as he'd hoped. In fact, nothing came out quite as easily as he'd hoped.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to let that slip. This isn't easy for me." Randall tried to recover. "I know this is a bit brazen of me to ask, but I was curious if I could... talk to you a bit."

His eyes fell to the bag that she had been carrying.

"And what... what is with the bag?"
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DoctorYerishi
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Dude, wake up! We've got a world to save.
Annie looked down at it when he brought it up, then back to him. She looked at him with genuine warmth.

“Actually, I was about to come and find you,” she said.

She took a step away from the door, giving him room to come in. She didn’t find it a brazen request at all. She was glad to see him.

On top of that, she didn’t mind him seeing the inside of her house again. It was clean now. Ethan’s body was currently in a fire outside the gates, burning to nothing. Travis and another one of the night’s survivors had done her the favour of dragging it down the stairs and out the back door – but not before Connor had a chance to see it. A week ago, she would have hid it from him. Now, she needed him used to it.

“Connor’s in his room, packing a bag of his own,” Annie said. “But you first. What did you want to talk about?”
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Is that so?
Randall pursed his lips together. Now that he was here, he was having doubts about all of this. He wanted to make a tactical retreat back out the door and pretend like he had never come here. But he stopped himself. He had come this far already and he didn't want to turn back now. He didn't have anyone else he could ask about this; and he might regret it if he didn't. He simply turned and tried to look her in the eyes.

"I know this is a sensitive topic, and I'm sorry. But I need to know. Just how..."

Randall paused -- this was his last chance to abort.

"How did you deal with it? Your husband, I mean. When he first... well, when he first fell into the coma?"
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DoctorYerishi
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Dude, wake up! We've got a world to save.
Annie was a little taken aback, but tried not to show it.

“Ex-husband. And I… I didn’t, really,” she admitted. “I think that was my problem.”

She hesitated, and glanced up to the stairs. She flashed back to earlier today, as the low beeping of his ventilator came to its sudden stop. The house had irrationally felt a lot emptier in the hours since.

“Not until today, anyway,” she said. “I unplugged him a couple hours ago.”
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Strompy
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More posts, more Busey.
There was a good chance Julie wouldn't see any of them again, they were heading for Chicago after all. There was an implication in what he said that she hadn't fully processed though until now. Even if they did successfully deliver this cure, Eli didn't plan on coming back. That whatever his plan was, if he even had one, that it wasn't going to take him back here. Her lip shook a moment.

"Yeah. You said. I'm going to miss you too." she said, one thing she was certain of.

...

Brandon felt such an irrational guilt. When it happened, he'd been standing right next to Glenda. After she was shot, Max had turned the gun on him, if he'd had more than one bullet he would have killed him too and then Willow would have lost them both. Was there something he could have noticed if he were paying more attention? Were there clues that he missed the whole time that could have given him some reason to be on guard?

He also felt guilty about the night before. Willow wanted him and he'd said no because of some... philosophical objection? Guilty because now, while she was in more pain than ever, he was willing to allow them that. Too late? Or was this the right time? He bucked against the pessimism that they might only have now, he still refused it, but he realised now that he hadn't refused that last night. He'd refused Willow. He would never surrender to that kind of thinking, but he would gladly surrender to her.

She ruled him. He'd never deny her anything ever again. Did she need him now? He asked the question with a kiss.
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Is that so?
She unplugged Chase?

The news visibly seemed to hit Randall. He didn't quite know how he should feel about that. And maybe neither did she. He made a mental note to ask how more about that decision later. Maybe after it was less fresh in her mind.

"I... I'm sorry that you had to do that." Randall didn't know what else he could say or do. "I admire that strength."

He turned around and looked at the walls. The kitchen. Anything that wasn't Annie. This next part would be easier if he wasn't looking at anyone.

"I still haven't dealt with it. Her name was Elaine. She was my wife... and she died a week ago to a rotter bite while protecting Kelsey." His words came out slowly and not without some pain. "When it happened, my world froze. I... I didn't know what to do. And when she finally passed... I lied to Kelsey about it. Then I dedicated myself to the cure; using it as an excuse and a distraction to prevent myself from having to deal with it. I guess what happened last night... it awakened a lot of that pain I had been trying to hide. And I don't really know what to do with it all."

* * * * *

Despite the emotional agony she was feeling, Willow wanted an escape from this more than anything else. She wanted, if only for a second, to forget everything.

She kissed him back.
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DoctorYerishi
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Dude, wake up! We've got a world to save.
Annie listened to Randall’s confession patiently. That must have been the Mount Kisco story he alluded to before. The day he lost his wife. It was sad, but not surprising, exactly. She knew Kelsey had to have a mom, and a lot of people had died since the outbreak. Annie probably would have guessed she had been one of them.

When Randall was done, she put her hand on his arm. She wished she knew what to say. She worried he was expecting something profound from her, maybe because she was a doctor. But she wasn’t a psychologist or a grief counsellor. She gave kids their fly shots and talked to parents about their diets.

What she could do was empathize, she decided.

“I know what you mean,” she said. “I’ve been doing the same thing for a long time. Bottling it all up, pushing it aside to deal with it later. But then later never comes. Until it does. And when it does, you’re not ready.”

For her, that happened yesterday. She was still shaken by it, and had only steadied herself temporarily with the determination that came with making a decision. A decision she would have to share with him – and clear with him. Soon.

“I’d be a hypocrite to give you advice,” she admitted. “But maybe you just have to allow the feelings. Whatever they are. Just… let them happen. And lean on the people you love. That’s what they’re for.”

Like I said, hypocrite, she thought. For months, she had failed to follow the very advice she had just dispensed. If she could live it all over again, she didn’t even know if she’d be any better at it. Randall, though – he was strong. Maybe he could succeed where she failed.

* * *

Eli gave her a sad smile back. After everything that happened – everything that had been done, and everything he did, and would do – it felt wrong. Julie deserved a smile, though. At the very least, she deserved that.
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More posts, more Busey.
"You should do that more often." Julie advised him before standing up on her toes to give him a kiss on the cheek.

If she never saw the others again she would miss them awfully. Eli though, she'd miss most of all. What a trip this had been. She turned to walk away as she began tearing up again.
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Is that so?
"Thank you."

Randall nodded his head slowly. He hadn't really come to her for advice; although he was appreciative for the effort. Really, he just wanted to get it off his chest. He wanted to tell someone who not only was outside the group, but someone who he felt would be empathize with. The fact that Annie was a hell of a lot smarter than him helped too.

"But that... that's all I really wanted to get off my chest." He tried to change the subject.

Thinking about Glenda and Elaine right now was too painful. He wanted a change of topic. Shit, there I go running away again.

"What was that about packing your bags?"

Truthfully, Randall could only think of one reason why they would be packing their bags at a time like this. But the implications of it seemed too outrageous to consider without at least asking her first.
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DoctorYerishi
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Dude, wake up! We've got a world to save.
Annie nodded and exhaled. “Right,” she said. “That.”

Upstairs, she could make out the sound of Connor going through his belongings. She had told him he could bring one bag and one bag only. He was most upset about leaving behind all his games. Annie didn’t think he had really processed what happened last night. She worried he was bottling it up. Like mother, like son.

“This world, now, it’s not the same,” she said. “I’m done pretending like it is. I always knew these walls were fragile and last night proved it. And even if they stay standing forever, they still don’t make us safe. Those things on the other side, those rotters – they've given people an excuse to be monsters too. Those people you met on the road, those men from the border, the people here.”

She thought about Kevin and Ethan. How easily they had tipped over into murder. How they had brought her along with them.

“If this world’s going to survive, we need to fix it first,” she said. “If that cure you have is real… then that’s the first step.”

She looked to him for a reaction. She didn’t expect him to be thrilled about taking on an inexperienced doctor and her even more helpless child. But she did have a solid case, in her opinion.

“You can’t say you couldn’t use my help,” she said. “I mean, Willow alone – she’s going to need someone monitoring her. And just look at your arm. You could use someone who knew what they were doing when it came to things like that.”

That was the obvious point – the inarguable one, really. She knew the next thing was more debateable.

“I don’t feel like I belong here, anymore,” she said. “Ajay can pick up where I leave off. He’s ready. And I’m ready to move on.”
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Is that so?
Randall waited until Annie finished her case. Her decision left him conflicted. Not because her argument was weak; he liked her, she seemed capable, and her medical skills would be a definite plus given everything that they had been through so far. In fact, her argument was solid. They needed more people and she had a lot of skills that they needed. And after losing two of their own, plus Jeff and anyone else who wanted to stay, their numbers were starting to dwindle.

Eli, Willow, Brandon, Kelsey. Those were the names of the people he knew he had. Julie and Jeff were unknowns and Emmett was... Emmett. Unless Willow wasn't strong enough... then she and Brandon were both out.

"I won't turn down your help. In fact, I would personally be glad to have you. But... I won't lie to you and say that I can guarantee the safety of you and Connor. It's unpredictable and violent out there. Neither can I guarantee that we will ever be able to come back here. Are you absolutely sure that you want to do this?"

He felt like he was trying to get her to sign a verbal disclaimer. In a way, he was. Mac's death stung, but Randall never felt like it was his fault. Glenda and Elaine he felt like were both his fault. If she was to join them on the road, then he wanted her to have full disclosure and still agree to come of her own volition. That way, in the worst case scenario, he wouldn't blame himself for another death.
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“I’ve given it some thought,” Annie said. “It’s not an easy decision. But I think it’s the right one. I’m sure.”

She appreciated the warning, and she didn’t want him sugar coating the danger they’d face. But she had also made up her mind.

“I’m not asking you to promise anything,” she said. “Except maybe that you’ll try to teach us, like we talked about the other day. Like you’re teaching Kelsey.”
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