On My Own

On My Own; Erica Hahn's story - after "Rise Up"
Topic Started: Jan 15 2009, 06:58 AM (147 Views)
callicaonwings	Jan 15 2009, 06:58 AM Post #1
Posts: 18 Group: Interns Member #59 Joined: August 5, 2008	So this first chapter's small, mostly about Erica leaving, her thoughts, things like that..... But once I move on to the second chapter, things will go back to about the same length as what you guys normally expect from me. "Time to Say Goodbye" " - and you can't kind of be a lesbian." "Yes, I can." "I can't believe I didn't know this." "Erica, the Chief is right - " "No, you. I don't know you. At all." Erica stated it simply, and turned heel and walked away from Callie, leaving her stunned. Erica walked, and walked, and walked. She walked to her car - then past her car, past the end of the parking lot, where, of course, Callie was parked, past the hospital boundaries, onto the sidewalk... She ended up walking on the side of the road, trying to clear her head.... She couldn't even drive. She knew it was a bad idea for her to get into her car. She was so angry. She needed to let off steam.... She stepped off to an empty alley between two buildings, and leaned against the side of one. She slammed her fist into it's hard brick surface.. She still couldn't believe Callie had sided with Izzie Stevens - of all people - over her. After everything she'd already gone through, Callie still wasn't all there for her?? She was supposed to be her - her what? Her almost-girlfriend who would've rather slept with Mark Sloan than tell her what she was thinking? She could understand that she'd freaked Callie out a bit, that she'd perhaps said too much, scared her off, but why the hell did she have to sleep with Mark? Erica hadn't needed to sleep with anyone to prove she wasn't - or in her case, was - gay. Why had Callie? And why wasn't Callie gay? It didn't make sense, though she'd pretended it had. She couldn't - couldn't deal. There was too much complication, too much drama, too many problems too early, too many questions.... And too much of Callie not standing by her side. It was supposed to be easy, wasn't it? Natural.... Okay, maybe it really wasn't supposed to be easy... Erica wasn't naive enough to really think that...... But could she really truly believe it was supposed to be this difficult this early on? Sure, she'd figured that it might be a bit more awkward, a bit more difficult, but she'd also thought they'd have gotten past it by now..... It had been over a month - practically two - since Callie had first kissed her in front of the hospital...... Still over a month since they'd talked about it.. Weeks since their first date.. She couldn't handle it. Couldn't handle investing herself anymore... So far, she'd kept taking Callie's shit because she wanted to be with her..... But what if Callie only thought she'd wanted to be with her? What if she kept investing, kept putting up with things, only to have her heart broken? She couldn't have that. She wouldn't. She'd leave Seattle Grace before she let that happen. "Time to Say Goodbye" (Continued) Erica walked into her apartment, and slammed her door, still fuming. She didn't know what to do. She wanted Callie, but she couldn't keep doing this to herself..... And she was right.... Callie was wrong.. At least about Stevens..... Hell yes she should call UNOS. She swung her arm out suddenly, purposely knocking a vase off of her counter, letting out a bit of her pent-up frustrations. She sighed, and sank to her knees, tears forming in her eyes. Callie had given Erica that vase. After they'd gotten to be friends. Her phone rang. It was Callie. She ignored it. It was too soon for them to talk again. She didn't think she could talk to her anyway. Maybe Callie was right, though. Maybe she didn't need to call UNOS. Perhaps she was being vindictive. But one thing was for certain. She had to something. She needed a change. She'd thought Callie would be the change that she'd needed. Before that, she'd thought Seattle Grace would. It seemed like she tried so hard to make so many things different this past year. Maybe one more change..... Erica closed a box sitting on her bed. She took a last look around. She'd lived in the same apartment for the last seven years. She'd bought it shortly after she'd gotten her job as head of cardio at Mercy West. And she had to let it go if she leaving Seattle. She scoffed. If. She'd already turned in her resignation. She wondered if Callie even knew she was leaving leaving yet. But she couldn't go back to Mercy West. Technically, she could, and she knew the Chief at MW would take her back in a heartbeat, but she couldn't... She couldn't admit defeat, that it had all been a mistake. Especially the one where she'd allowed herself to hope that Callie - when she kissed her - Damn. She couldn't even think straight. But soemthing told her this could be good, in a way that all her ideas all her life hadn't been... Even the one to become a doctor. It had been harder than she'd thought it would be. So she'd toughened up... And that worked for awhile.. but then people had gotten on her about that..... It was like she couldn't be right no matter how she tried. Not right for Mercy West, not right for Seattle Grace, not right for Callie. She taped the box shut. She couldn't believe she was really doing this. But she was. The movers were getting her boxes and furniture in an hour. She was only taking one with her.. Her Callie-box. She had to keep it close, because she knew if she didn't, she'd find it later and burst into tears. If she kept it close, she could maybe keep them at bay. It was full of things that reminded her of Callie. New outfits, some she'd worn, some she wasn't sure she ever would. A dried-up rose... A book - a gift from Callie, of course. A shirt Callie had accidentally left at her apartment... That she wasn't giving back, either. Because if she took the time to take it over to her place, she knew she'd never leave. She could leave if she didn't see Callie. If she didn't say goodbye to her. If she didn't tell her. Because otherwise she and Callie both would convince herself that she should stay..... Besides, she didn't know if she could turn away if saw Callie's chocolate orbs again. As long as they were only present in her mind - she'd stuffed a picture of them at the bottom of the box to keep from tempting herself - she could do it. As long as she didn't see her, she could go. As long as she didn't talk to the Chief, she could make sure he didn't try to convince her to stay. She wouldn't even tell Sam. Her best friend before Seattle Grace. Her friend who'd put up with all her crap, and hadn't made too big a deal out of it when Erica had spent almost all her free time with Callie - before they even started being - whatever they were. The one who'd encouraged her to take a chance for once when she'd finally admitted that the two of them had been dating. She sighed. She couldn't really not tell Sam, even if they had grown somewhat distant in the last year. Erica had moved into Seattle Grace, become friends with Callie, and her whole life turned upside down.... And Sam had been busy with her little girl anyway....... But maybe she'd only text her.. She didn't really want to bother her, anyway. And besides, Sam would also try to convice her to stay as well. And she couldn't do that. She wouldn't. It was too late. She had to go. "Time to Say Goodbye" (Continued) "Erica Hahn, I do not believe you!" She sighed, and replied somewhat complacently. "Hi Sam." "Don't you "hi" me, like everything is fine and dandy. What the hell, Hahn? You sent me a text message telling me you're leaving Washington. A text message?!" "Sorry. I just figured you were busy with the baby, and I didn't want to bother you with my problems. It's not like it's a big deal." "Not a big deal? That's something I could've gotten a sitter for Lucy for. What's going on?" "There's a lot of things..." "Like?" "Disagreements.... People at Seattle Grace not being who I thought they were.. Things being allowed to happen that shouldn't be allowed to happen." She stopped there, purposely leaving out the details about her and Callie, and the fact that she was one of those people. "What are you talking about?" Her tone had changed. She no longer sounded frustrated, more like concerned. Erica sighed. She knew Sam would never let it go if she didn't tell her. "Callie and I had a fight. I started it - and ended it. And - and she didn't come after me. Or tell me that I was right, or that she - " Loved me, Erica finished in her head. "I just can't de- " "So you're running away?" "I'm not running away." "This is so typical of you." "Excuse me?" "You heard me. You fled medical school as soon as you graduated because you couldn't tell Bu- " "That is not the same thing." "It is so, and you know it. I know I'm the only real friend you ever had who was a girl besides Callie, but just because you think you're gay now doesn't - " "I don't think I'm - " "Fine, know, whatever. It's beside the point." "It's completely the point." "No, it isn't. You're doing the same thing you did then. Hell, you know Richard wanted you at Seattle Grace years ago and you refused because of him. Look, Jake just got home. I think we need to talk more, so I'm gonna come over, and we are going to have a long-ass talk." "Uh, that's not exactly... I'm not at home." "Where the hell are you?" Erica looked to the right before answering. On the side of the road was a sign that said, "Welcome to Oregon." Erica sighed, and turned into a gas station parking lot. She loved Sam like a sister - she'd always been the closest thing she'd ever had, or would ever have, to a sister. But sometimes she drove her absolutely nuts.
	Brooke: [on how she prepared for Erica falling for Callie] It's not rocket science! She's hot! Brooke: That was a nice segue...did you see that one coming? - I've heard about them. My niece does the google alert thing - ... Yeah - the Callica youtube videos and stuff like that.... Yes, the kiss over and over and over and over - yes, to that song I kissed a girl and I liked it...You know all that. Yeah, mhmm.


izzie_o'malley	Jan 15 2009, 11:27 AM Post #2
Missing George Posts: 3,023 Group: Attendings Member #22 Joined: August 3, 2008 Favorite Character Izzie, George, Alex, Lexie, Mark Favorite Couple Alex & Izzie, Mark & Lexie	this is really good! i normally stay clear of the callica fics but i was pleasantly suprised by this one! please continue!
	credit to freaky@LJ for the mini-banners and banner please shonda!


Shorty	Feb 9 2009, 09:47 PM Post #3
Posts: 6,060 Group: Chiefs Member #6 Joined: August 2, 2008	nice start. will you be updating?
	Banner and Avatar created by Our Board Momma Linda


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