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Natalie Jun 16 2009, 09:23 PM


Hey guys
So this idea came to me today while i was stuck in an unbelievably boring and stuffy board meeting.
It begins very angsty and dark but will get lighter and it's Mer/Der as always.
Ok so i hope you join me for yet another story ;) :D



Meredith and Derek finally got married on what turned out to be the worst day of her life it was the day after she gave away her perfect white dress big church wedding to Izzie and Alex.
She and Derek exchanged their vows dressed in their scrubs in the hospital chapel with only Bailey Richard and Cristina in attendance although it wasn't the big poofy dresses flowers and a church wedding it was everything Meredith wanted everything Meredith is.
The day started as any other Meredith waking up in Derek's arms a feeling she was certain she would never tire of finding herself in.
They arrived at the hospital together and when the had the chance headed to the chapel to exchange their vows and Meredith became Dr Meredith Sheperd.
They were paged during the ceremony and had to have the rushed version of the vows before exchanging rings and heading to the pit to find choas a John Doe had been bought in after being hit by a bus he had serious injuries and was unable to talk.
Although Meredith couldn't figure it out she had a strange feeling a connection with this patient and she did what she could to help him to not let him feel any of the pain she was sure he was in.
She left John-Doe and went to see Izzie who was so ill and battling so hard to live to remember who her friends were and who Alex was.
She sat with a very weak and barely awake Izzie and told her about John-Doe the connection she felt towards him and about how she had got married she told Izzie how being Derek's wife made her feel whole and wanted and loved.

She was paged and gently kissed Izzie's head promising to come back and see her later as she got up to leave Izzie weakly squeezed her hand and gave a little smile Meredith smiled in return and headed down the hall.
Meredith attended to John-Doe who was trying to communicate with her trying in desperation to write symbols on her hand Meredith wasn't sure what they meant but she stopped and watched feeling his fingers make certain numbers on her palm she watched and wrote the numbers down and screamed so loudly that Derek and Owen stopped in the corridor.
Derek ran to his wife's side as she screamed out that George was John Doe that George her family her best friend was John-Doe.
They rushed into help George everyone was screaming orders and Meredith felt like she was floating like she wasn't really there she is aware of her pager beeping at her hip it was a 911 to Izzie's room she looked at Derek and he nooded and promised to look after George she ran down the hallway to find Alex holding Izzie's hand Cristina Richard and Bailey just stood by the door Meredith looked at them and whispered that John-Doe was George at that second Izzie flatlined her heart monitor screamed out so loudly in Meredith's ears she felt like she was floating as Alex screamed at Izzie to fight as Cristina Richard and Bailey struggled to save Izzie's life to save her family her best friend.
Meredith was vagely aware of Richard calling time of death and Alex collapsing onto the floor Cristina who her very self never showed emotion walking to him and sobbing with him.
Richard looked up at Meredith and she just left the room walked along the corridor towards George's room where she found Derek and Owen screaming instructions at interns and nurses as George flatlined.
Meredith stood and watched Derek watched his lips as they called time of death and she turned away and walked down the hall and she fell she let herself fall let the blackness consume her as she hit the floor.

Meredith knew she should open her eyes but she just couldn't she couldn't open her eyes and reassure Derek reassure her husband that she was ok she could hear in his voice how scared he was how he was begging her to wake up but she couldn't open her eyes if she opened them she had to face the fact face that Isobel Sevens and George O'Malley her 2 best friends her family were dead.
She was vagely aware of Derek's voice asking a nurse if she was certain the results were right she heard the nurse assure him they were right and she felt Derek squeeze her hand heard him asking her to wake up that she had to wake up for him but she felt safe here she heard Derek whisper words in her ear 3 words whispered in her ear and her heart raced and the machine she was attached to started beeping and Derek telling her to open her eyes and look at him.
Meredith felt the blackness disapear and the brightness of the room sting her eyes as she blinked them open and she saw Derek saw him looking at her a slight smile on his lips.
The 3 words were spinning in her head he had said them and he was smiling Derek was smiling on the darkest day in Meredith's life her new husband sat before her and was smiling.

Meredith still felt like she was floating as she left the hospital with a dazed Alex they sat together on the back seat Meredith holding Alex's hand as Derek drove the car to their home to her home where Izzie's clothes still were, where all her cooking stuff would still be spread out on the kitchen unit.
Alex walked up the stairs but he just couldn't step into the bedroom he stood by the door unable to step over the threshold of Izzie's bedroom door he felt Meredith's head rest on his shoulder as the tears fell both their tears as they both fall to the floor crying.
Derek stands silently watching from their bedroom this was their moment he couldn't interfer.
He could see the huge black cloud of darkness that was engulfing Meredith but in all this they had a silver lining his wife of just a few hours his wife who he adored was carrying his child.

The days pass in a blur of crying emotional outbursts from Alex and Meredith, Meredith struggling so hard to deal with her grief even as she attended Izzie's funeral on the tuesday and George's on the thursday it still didn't sink in still didn't sink in that she would never taste Izzie's muffins or hear her singing to something completly random on the stereo or hear George talking or moaning about his crappy apartment.

Derek tries he tries so hard to help her to deal with her grief to pull her out of the black hole but Meredith pushes him away she tells him she is fine and refuses his help in dealing with it she does what she does best and buries it deep inside puts on a fake smile and faces her friends her colleagues at the hospital as they congratulate her on her pregnancy she still feels like she is floating.
Cristina is like her tells everyone she is fine yet they are friends and each know eachother's feelings yet can't bring themselves to talk about Izzie and George they tell eachother they are fine and just move on with their lives and their jobs.
As the time passes Meredith's bump is getting bigger her baby a new life growing inside of her.
Meredith is told she is having a girl and Derek is ectastic he can't hide his happiness at the thought of becoming a father Meredith tries she tries so hard to share in his happiness but she can't she just feels detached from herself.
It's made even worse when Alex drops out of the hospital programme and decides to leave Seattle completly.
Meredith begs him to stay tells him she is there for him and is his family but Alex is broken and he can't stay Meredith watches from the porch swing as Alex takes her car and drives out of her street.

Derek returns that night to find Meredith curled up in their bed curled up crying huge heartfelt sobs that shake her whole body he lies beside her and pulls her into his arms and tries to comfort her the best he can.
He is scared for himself for Meredith for the state of his marriage he is so lonely scared and happy so many emotions carried around in one person he feels like he isdrowing and is struggling to stay above the water.
Feeling his baby girl kick out against his hand warms his heart he can't wait until she is here but then he looks at his wife his broken wife and his heart breaks because he just can't fix her.
Time passes and Meredith's waters break in the middle of the night and she calls out to Derek and they rush to the hospital her labour is hard she is tired so tired but after nearly 48hours this tiny bundle is placed under her shirt skin to skin and Meredith she hears her daughter's cries she feels the instant connection and need to protect her daughter.
They leave the hospital and in a tribute to her friends Meredith insist's on calling their daughter Isobel-Georgie Sheperd.
Derek is completly against the idea of Isobel and Georgie he doesn't want his daughter his bright and shiny new daughter associated with such a dark time in Meredith's life but she refuses to break and Derek gives in on the condition that she her name isn't shortened to Izz or Izzie and they compromise on a nickname of Belle.

Meredith tries so hard to get over her grief tries to get over Alex leaving tries to be a good mother to Belle she tries to be the wife Derek wants but like her heart her marriage has fallen to pieces.
Derek begs her to seek counselling he asks Cristina Bailey Richard to talk to her but she insists she is fine and she is dealing.
Their marriage is almost at breaking point Derek is sick of the one word answers from Meredith he is in hell and is pretty sure Meredith was and still is there.
As she refuses help he can't force the issue he like Meredith buries his fears and they just co-exist barely talking barely touching in bed every-night Meredith lies with her back against him her shoulders sagging and shaking ever so slightly he knows she is crying he tries to help but she won't let him.

He finally reaches breaking point one evening after a horrible day at the hospital.
Belle is a little over 5 months old and he arrives home sad lonely he just wants his wife he wants Meredith told hold him and tell him it wasn't his fault he lost 2 patients but she can't help him or won't help him and he snaps he snaps and yells at her telling her that she is depressed that she needs help that he is taking her to see Dr Wyatt.
Meredith screamed back at him that she wouldn't go that she was fine and they had the worst row they had ever had and it ended with Meredith asking him to move out.
Derek was shocked to his core she was asking him to leave his wife the woman he adored was ending their marriage and asking him to leave he refused told her he wasn't leaving their daughter but she was free to leave if she wanted too.
Meredith took their daughter and went upstairs he headed up a while later to find their bedroom door locked over the following week he found himself sleeping on the sofa and his wife ignoring him.

He returns the following night to find the house quiet and in darkness he knows something is so wrong as he climbs the stairs and finds Belle's clothes gone Meredith's clothes and passport missing he falls onto the bed picking up an envelope he opens it reading Meredith's handwriting and the tears fall over the paper as he reads the words over and over Meredith has left him she ran away and has taken his daughter.

Lexi is in pieces to discover that her sister has taken Belle and left but Derek is convienced she knows where Meredith is but she assures him she hasn't the faintest idea she tells him she had no idea things between them were so bad.
Mark is shocked and sad for his friend his broken brother his broken brother who has lost his wife and his daughter.
Cristina is beyond pissed and devestated with Meredith for running away but she again tells Derek she doesn't know where she is.

Derek tries to track Meredith down and he eventully finds her in Boston He and Lexi fly out and he begs his wife he begs her to come home that they can fix it that they can make their marriage work but Meredith refuses she tells him she can't she has to stay away from Seattle.
Derek tells her he will move to Boston he will go wherever she is but Meredith breaks his heart by insisting she doesn't love him he knows deep down she is lying he can see in her beautiful fierce green eyes that she is lying that she loves him but he is tired, tired of fighting and returns to Seattle alone.
He sees Belle once a month he flies down to Boston and spends the weekend with his daughter every visit breaking his heart a little more at the way she has changed over the month at the feeling of being in the same house as the love of his life and not being able to kiss her touch her or just breathe her in.

Meredith drops a bombshell on him that she has been offered a new job and will be moving from Boston to LA.
Derek is a broken man as he makes the decision to stop seeing Meredith and his daughter it hurts him it breaks him but he knows for his own sanity he has to do this.
Meredith sends photo's birthday cards father's day cards but they stop eventully as the years pass.
Derek thinks of his daughter every day and knows when she is older and ready she will come and find him and he will tell her how much he loves her and he will be part of her life once again.
He tries so hard to hate Meredith to hate her for breaking him but he can't he loves her and a part of him although he wishes that part would go away he understands her understands why she ran away.

So here we are to the present day which is set 11 years later.
Derek is now the Chief of Seattle Grace and has been for the last 5 years he has had a few girlfriends and is currently seeing a fellow Doctor but he is still married still married to Meredith and even after all these years still wears his wedding ring.
His office filled with what pictures he has of Belle and a picture still on his desk the day He and Meredith married in the hospital chapel in their scrubs.

TBC
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Forgive me/Endless love · Fan Fiction