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a desert triumvirate of Hold, Weyr, and Mine. Thread's return and bandit raiding brought strife between weyr and hold, but the bandits' recent defeat has returned the region to an uneasy peace. Now, a shipwreck on a forgotten continent and the decision to settle this rediscovered land has opened up a world of opportunity to Vaioa, if only they can handle the dangers.








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We Need To Talk; Tag Ira/O'zen
Topic Started: Nov 20 2016, 04:15 PM (442 Views)
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Aniese registered O'zen's responde even as he stood to go. For a moment she wanted to stop him from leaving, but something had shown through his poker face. Discomfort? Unhappiness? Some shift, from his calm, matter-of-fact tone a moment prior to this.

I'm taking a walk.

Well, she had expected that he would run away, but not after confronting her. She was confused now, and unhappy.

"I'll see you, then." She didn't know what else to say. He had said twice now that it was up to her. She winced as he disappeared and then said to the empty room, "What do you want me to do?"

Why couldn't he just say what he felt? Was he happy about it? Was he upset? Did he want her to get rid of it before it was too late? Deferring the judgment to her completely felt like a slap in the face.

It wasn't her responsibility alone. She hadn't gotten pregnant alone.

Yes, well, males are often fickle this way, Rezeirth said carelessly. Isn't this why Holders do not mate until they are handfasted? So that the man cannot walk away?

Aniese did not respond. Instead, without thinking about it, she raised a hand to her belly. She knew it was too early to really see any physical changes, but she imagined that she could feel it; her stomach growing large and round, as a baby grew within.

She was surprised at how much the thought repulsed her. But at the same time, she was intrigued.

What would a child of theirs be like, indeed.

She had never wanted to be a mother. And right now, she didn't feel some great and ancient stirring of maternal instinct. All she felt was confusion, and the same longing and desire that she'd had for months now. She wanted O'zen, and suddenly didn't care if she had the baby or not.

Rezeirth was displeased. Stop being stupid. He already told you that he wanted to 'see where it goes' or whatever stupid phrase he used.

Yes. As do I. And we might be making great progress, Rezeirth, if there wasn't a baby involved.

He will decide whatever he decides about you whether or not there is a baby. He is not the kind of man who makes commitments and forms romantic bonds. You know this about him. You cannot change him.

Aniese twirled a lock of hair around her finger fretfully. I know. I... don't really want to.

Then why are you mooning over him like a lovestruck wherry?

Maybe I do love him.

And maybe you don't. It doesn't impact the child at all. You are not a family.

Aniese swallowed. It was impossible to know if it was the chemicals of being pregnant with his baby that made her feel the way she did toward O'zen, but she couldn't fathom letting go just then. Even if he never loved her, even if she realized that she didn't love him, she couldn't be apart again the way she had as a Candidate and Weyrling.

Rezeirth snorted in annoyance. This is stupidity, Aniese. He is a dragonrider. You are a dragonrider. You have already been touched by Thread seriously. He and Lenth have been Scored before. There is no reason why he might not just up and die someday. Thread is Thread. No matter how much you care about him, you can't change that.

Aniese shuddered at Rezeirth's words. That was a thought she hadn't dared to contemplate since her own graduation into Riderhood. Injury and even death came to riders during Threadfall; she knew that well. But she took for granted that Rhias and O'zen would never be taken. She could not handle the pain if they were.

Rezeirth, growing more and more impatient, pressed forward. You can, and you may have to. It does not matter. He is immaterial to the baby. He has already said that it is your decision. If he had strong feelings about it, then he would have told you. Clearly, he does not. It is your decision.

Aniese buried her face in her hands, feeling more hopeless than ever. Rezeirth might say that it was up to her; O'zen might say that it was up to her; but she could not possibly begin to figure out how to make this decision.

Was it really ethical to keep the baby just because she felt ambivalent about it? It felt like a baby should be an active decision-- a want-- rather than a "well, why not." She was tired of avoiding decisions out of fear or shame. She had already decided not to live like that anymore.

Rezeirth's bossing her rankled, and for a moment she wanted to go against the Gold's desires, just out of spite. But she forced that temptation away, too. It was just as bad as making decisions out of fear.

Rezeirth quietly reached out again. Aniese. Getting rid of the baby won't make O'zen love you.

Aniese sighed and dropped her hands back to her stomach. Whatever she felt for O'zen, she knew that he wasn't the emotional-attachment type. Whatever her feelings for him, she understood that he needed to take things slow, if he took them at all.

Rezeirth was right about one thing: Whatever O'zen decided in the end would be his own decision. She could not force his hand.

That made the baby something different. Aniese had wanted O'zen to know; had felt that he had a right to know. Had a right to give input. It seemed that his input was discomfort with a side of apathy. He didn't care what she did, or so it seemed. In that case, she had completed her goal; O'zen had been informed. Still, the decision was left in her hands.

Her gut instinct was to end it now. Before things got even more out of hand. It was sheer stubbornness; Her entire life she had insisted that she would never have a child. Would never even be pregnant.

But her heart was not so decisive. There was O'zen, and then... this was O'zen's child. Who cares what you said when you were young and stupid? You said a lot of other stupid things that you've taken back and changed your mind on. And that was true, truer than anything.

Maybe getting rid of it out of stubbornness and spite was just as bad as keeping it just because. She had to decide, and she had to commit to a decision, not simply defer to fear or uncertainty.

Rezeirth, I don't want to hear a single word of gloating or celebration. I didn't decide this because of you. I decided it for me.

Maybe it was the fact that there was deep conviction behind her words, or maybe Rezeirth was happy enough about the decision to heed her rider's words. Whatever it was, Rezeirth settled down cheerfully on her ledge as Aniese gathered her work and departed from the room. Maybe keeping it wasn't the right decision in the end, but it was what she wanted, and she would stick by it.

Posted Image
Amber Wingsecond Aniese of Gold Rezeirth :: Marble Wingrider Vyra of Grey Theteth :: Granite Wingrider Karen of Blue Ienirth :: Weyrling Master Mai of Green Laeitath :: Candidate Master Kari of Green Seliath :: Sandstone Wingrider Natalia of Green Priyeth :: Sardonyx Weyrling A'den of Black Ezvanth :: Amber Weyrling Cayliss of Garnet Avraith :: Candidate Mirana :: Candidate Piper :: Journeywoman Healer Ylanna :: Weyrfolk Becca

Hurricane Wingrider Seneca of Blue Roryth

Sandstone Wingrider Dacielle of Copper Vylendrieth :: Granite Wingrider L'del of Grey Xakoeth :: Searchrider & Marble Wingrider M’ril of Blue Notalith :: Shale Wingrider K’dyn of Green Scherezath :: Baby Azora

Current Thread Tracker :: Plotter

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