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Hypegiaphobia; [Tag Allie]
Topic Started: Apr 11 2015, 02:42 PM (387 Views)
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S'akh stared at Inequith now that the bronze had finally deigned to return from the Flight. His dragon was entirely too pleased with himself, puffed up with pride on the edge of the ledge as he surveyed his territory with a newfound sense of ownership. S'akh, on the other hand, only felt vaguely sick to his stomach.

Isn't it wonderful? I caught Cirseth! Soon, she will lay many eggs, and I will help if she will let me! Even better, now all the other dragons will look at us because we are the best! We will lead the Weyr, and we will lead the Wings--just as it was meant to be! Inequith spoke, mostly babbling to himself to try and ignore the abject terror radiating from his Rider. He didn't understand why S'akh was not so pleased; the young man would make a fine leader, as he had already proven when they'd graduated right into the position of Wingsecond.

"I... think I need to sit down," the man in question finally mumbled, slowly shuffling over to his chair before sinking down into it and staring at the walls of his Weyr. He would be working hand-in-hand with Talora, now. He'd be leading the Weyr. Worse still, he'd be a Wingleader. For shards' sake, he was only in his twenties! Who in their right mind would give him this sort of power?! Only a few short Turns ago, he'd been entirely ready to take off a-dragonback and scout out lands unknown just to get away from the expectations people had put on him. And now? Now they added even more, expected greatness rather than mediocrity.

He was going to be sick.

Gaur cheeped softly, tucking his little brown body close against his Person as he looked out toward Inequith in utter confusion. Such bad feelings! Why were there so many bad feelings?

Inequith sighed, lips pulling to one side in an oddly human expression of dismay, before flopping over to lay down on his ledge. He mulled the situation over for a moment, then promptly brightened as he reached his mind out for Ysarth.

Ysarth! Mine is feeling rather unhappy. Perhaps he misses Yours. If you are not terribly busy, would you and Yours drop by? It was a fine plan. There was no way S'akh could be unhappy when his mate was nearby! The bronze chuckled at his own cunning; ah, yes, he'd make a fine Weyrleader's dragon, indeed.
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Being weyrmated to a bronzerider wasn't a claim to fame by any means. In fact, Allie had found herself battling the stereotype of the flippant bronzerider who jumped from lover to lover, using the status his dragon conferred upon him as a way into the affections of anyone he pleased. There may have been some real truth to that stereotype with other riders, but S'akh wasn't that way at all. No one had taken notice of her really, not until Inequith had pulled off the rather surprising feat of catching the senior queen.

And now people followed her movements with raised eyebrows. She found folks that hadn't given her the time of day before sitting at her table at breakfast. Ysarth was bespoken dozens of times over the last day alone by dragons suddenly very interested in being her friend. It was only a small taste of what S'akh had to look forward to. Vaioa had put young, inexperienced bronzeriders to the test before; she only hoped that he would come out of it better than T'ech had. That one hobbled about with his eye patch and a scowl; he'd given everything he had and then some to the running of his Weyr, but he was an uncomfortable reminder of what the position could do to someone.

But S'akh had her, and she was determined to help keep this whole Weyrleader thing from breaking her weyrmate and help him along, even if she had to do it from behind the scenes. No one would appreciate a meddling greenrider but, oh, she intended to meddle. All kinds of meddling. S'akh would need her to.

Inequith is calling, Ysarth singsonged excitedly. She turned her head up to the larger ledge, her swishing tail betraying her excitement. Winning Cirseth's flight had done wonders for the big bronze's attitude, and he was back to being her steadfast friend again, rather than a resentful mope. Visiting when he wasn't glowering and hissing at her was much more pleasant.

"How fortunate," Allie replied as she finished the last strap on Ysarth's harness and checked the buckles. "I was already on my way up there." Maybe she should take up a more permanent residence, she thought, swinging up onto her green's neck and bracing herself for the short spiral up to Inequith's spacey new ledge. Being Weyrleader meant a new weyr and this particular weyr was as fancy as they came. Private bathing chamber and a privy all its own. If S'akh didn't mind her imposing, she wouldn't mind calming his jagged nerves whenever he needed a gentle touch and a helpful opinion.

"I've only been gone a few hours," she called as Ysarth touched down daintily on the ledge. Allie hardly waited for her dragon to settle before sliding down and giving Inequith a friendly pat on the nose. "Did you miss me that much?"
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Panic was beginning to settle in his breast, even with Gaur's warm body wrapped around his shoulders. He felt the weight of the world crushing him, preventing the air from filling his lungs like it had done so perfectly during the Flight. Heart racing, hands trembling, he tucked himself against his desk, elbows braced on the surface and knees nearly reaching the heavy underside--like some sort of bizarre crustacean attempting to find a larger shell in which to hide.

How could he do this? How could he lead a Weyr full of people he didn't even know? It was bad enough asking him to be the second-in-command of a whole Wing of Riders, many of whom were older than he was, but to lead the entire Weyr? He could only hope Talora wasn't the sort to flay the inexperienced youths of the world over small mistakes--though, if he were being totally honest with himself, Talora was absolutely not the problem.

Just as the terror was reaching its peak, however, he was jolted out of his horrified reverie by the sound of wings and a familiar voice. His hands gripped the edges of his desk so tightly that the dark skin of his knuckles turned ashen, and he turned to look at Allie in pained confusion. Oh, but he hadn't intended for her to see him like this!

"A-Allie," he stammered, his eyes wide as those of a herdbeast beneath the shadow of a hunting dragon. "I--D-Did Inequith--? I'm... I'm fine, you--I know you're... busy. You didn't have to--..." None of the words would form themselves correctly. It was too much; it was too heavy a burden for him to shoulder all at once.

Inequith thrummed at the friendly little pat, shifting on his ledge to make room for Ysarth and tapping the ground beside him invitingly with his tail. He was glad to have her around, especially with his Rider's current mood completely disrupting his joyful pride in having caught the senior Queen.

S'akh did not notice his dragon's vacillating mood; his mind was too full of his own fears and desires to provide residence for someone else's. When Allie asked him if he had missed her, however, he found some of his faltering facade quickly chipped away.

"Yes," he replied, though not meeting her eyes. He hated when she was gone, even though he knew that being separated was something he was going to have to deal with during drills and Threadfalls and everything else. Duty called, and they would have to answer.

That didn't mean he had to like it, however.
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If Vaioa could see the crumbling man that sat at the desk that had borne the burdens of five centuries of Vaioan leaders, it would despair. Allie merely smiled and sank down to plop herself in her lovers lap, kissing his nose cheerfully and winding her arms around his neck. He needed support, encouragement, not pity. Pity would not help the situation one tiny bit.

Still, her heart leapt when his voice nearly cracked, when his tone betrayed the underlying panic he must be feeling, his desperation practically palpable. She kissed both cheeks and combed her fingers through his short, fuzzy hair. "I absolutely did have to come see you," the greenrider said, voice firm with conviction. "If you think I'd leave you alone up here to work yourself into a fine mess for long, you don't know me well."

Why is he upset? Ysarth asked, stretching out alongside her good friend and absorbing the heat of his ledge.

It was quite a big ledge, obviously meant for several large dragons to occupy it at once. She felt pleasantly dwarfed by it. Yes, she could get used to it. She wouldn't mind sharing it with Cirseth on occasion as well; the queen was rather likable in a haughty sort of way. At least she didn't look down her noses at greens like some golds did.

Shouldn't he be happy? Everyone has to listen to him now!

It's more complicated than that, darling.

Allie carefully kept her own misgivings from her expression. The last thing S'akh needed was her own projected worry. "You're going to do great. As if me and L'en and Talora would let you set the whole place on fire. It's not all bad; so give me a smile, eh?"
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The world came more sharply into focus when Allie entered into it. Fears began to recede the moment she set herself so comfortably into his lap, panic subsiding with each little movement of her fingers through the tight curls of his hair. He slowly relaxed against her, arms shifting to wrap around her as he let his heavy eyelids droop shut; it was amazing just how quickly she helped to center him, helped to remind him that the world was not, in fact, coming to an end. His lips twitched into a smile at her words, and he let out a soft chuckle--mostly at his own distress.

It is all rather silly, if you ask me, Inequith chimed in, yawning widely as he made himself comfortable with his friend on his spacious, sunny ledge. We've a fine ledge, full of sunshine, a comfy new home, and the respect of everyone in the Weyr--what is there to be unhappy about?

S'akh rolled his eyes at this, mildly annoyed by his dragon's unfaltering confidence in their new station. Still, he had to admit, he had a point; it was easier to see when he wasn't alone with his thoughts, but the specter of responsibility still loomed over him like the shadow of Thread-bearing clouds.

"Well... I dunno, L'en might let me set things on fire. She'd find it funny," he remarked, meeting Allie's eyes and giving her a lopsided smile. "But I guess she'd help me put it back out, too. So there's that."

He took a deep breath and slowly let it out, shifting to rest his head against Allie's for a quiet moment as he gathered his wits about him once more. What on earth would he do without her?

"Thank you. I'm just... I never expected anything like this. From herding cattle to... to running a Weyr? The skillset doesn't exactly transfer well... though, admittedly, some people are about as bright as herdbeasts, if Rubikon taught us anything," he muttered, grimacing at the thought of having to deal with the ripples caused by the Lord Holder's uprising.

"...Jays, what am I going to do with the others? I don't know a sharding thing about diplomacy. All I know is--is flying, and reading, and--and Wing Tactics," he continued, venting his concerns to get them out of his head and somewhere out in the nebulous space between them. Gaur peeped at him, flicking a tongue over his cheek as the little brown shifted to try and maintain space on his shoulder while he embraced his lover.

"I only hope I don't screw things up too badly."
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"You're smarter than you give yourself credit for," Allie chided softly, sliding her hands down so she could wiggle her fingers against his sides as a cheerful distraction. "You didn't get made a Wingsecond for nothing and Inequith didn't choose you for nothing. You must have potential or he would have found some other silly boy."

Inequith likely didn't understand the full implications of what he'd done beyond "everyone will listen to me from now on" quite yet, and he wouldn't until they actually lead a Fall, but Allie wasn't about to bring that up. Not with S'akh brooding himself all the way to an early heart attack. Or an aneurysm. There would be no negativity allowed in this conversation if she could help it.

"You knoooow," she drawled, dancing her fingers up his back and then down again. "Taking care of a Weyr might not be so very different from herding cattle. Or, you know, dealing with an unruly pack of dogs." Her eyes danced with one particular memory. "You just need to have conviction and listen to what Talora teaches you. And don't let the Wingleader's push you around because fardle. That. You won the flight and not them so they can all kiss your ass as far as I'm concerned."

I think some of them would like that, Ysarth snickered quietly and Allie had to muffle her laugh in her bronzerider's shoulder so he wouldn't think she was laughing at him. That was not a mental image she wanted to explain to S'akh. Not today.

"Fake it till you make it; isn't that what they say? You can do it."
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He laughed as she wiggled her fingers against his sides, giving her a lopsided grin as she told him to give himself credit. That was something he surely needed to learn; since he had been very young, he had always blamed himself for the bad and gave the world credit for the all the good that he happened to stumble into. It was a bad habit that sorely needed breaking, and he had a feeling Allie wasn't going to let him rest until he had done so properly.

"I guess you're right," he replied, his voice softening a bit as her affection soothed his frazzled nerves. "And I didn't destroy the whole Wing as a Wingsecond, so I suppose I can't mess up too badly here."

He shifted to lean his head against her shoulder as he sighed, hugging her close against him as he closed his eyes. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad... maybe it really would be just like watching the cattle or--or playing with his father's dogs. He chuckled at the memory, flushing slightly as his mind wandered to earlier days played out in the warmth of his father's home.

"I don't plan on getting pushed around," he replied after a moment, taking comfort in their embrace. "I only hope I can tell the good advice from the bad when the time comes. I wasn't much in the habit of actually listening to my elders when I was younger, you know."

He lifted his head again, looking her over as his earlier smile crept back onto his face. Odd how he just couldn't help but smile when she was face-to-face with him.

"Funny enough, I don't have much trouble listening to you. I might just have to keep you around," he joked, grinning at her as he leaned back a bit in his seat.

Then Ysarth's comment made him blink, his brow furrowing slightly as Allie suddenly buried her head into his shoulder. Some of them would like to kiss his ass? Why would they like that, even if he was Weyrleader? And what was so funny...?

But then Allie was talking again, and he put the comment momentarily out of mind despite his confusion.

"That sounds like a plan," he replied, smile returning as he leaned in to playfully touch noses with her. "Thank you, by the way."
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"Of course," Allie said loftily, "that's what I'm here for. If you want, you can just sit back and let me run the show." Her eyes twinkled with mischief. "No one needs to know that it was your mistress really doing all the work all alonnnng."

And oh jays wouldn't the thought that a greenrider had any strong influence at all on the Weyrleader just ruffle some hidebound feathers! She could hear those stuffy old bastards at Benden even now. It was simply unheard of for a green to suggest something so above her stature!

She laughed merrily and wriggled closer. Aside from Ysarth, S'akh was honestly the best thing to ever happen to her. In reality, she was looking forward to getting an iron noose around the rude rumor mill and pulling it tight while he saw to more important things. She would hear no ill spoken of her bronzerider. The demoralizing whispering campaign that had nearly unseated previous Weyrleaders would not touch her weyrmate.

"We should celebrate," she purred. "We could throw a party in the dining hall and everyone would be invited. Booze makes everyone like you a little more."

It makes people stupid. But also pliable. Ysarth hummed at the thought. A party would be grand, even if she was far too big to attend anymore. Allie was bound to be more entertaining after a couple cups of wine and S'akh should lose those jitters of his.

"Or, we could have a party here. With just you and me. And you could stop worrying for a little bit." Allie kissed his nose. "What do you think?"
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S'akh laughed at Allie's idea, grinning as he looked her over. Where did they even make people like Allie on Pern? And how had he been lucky enough to wind up with her in his lap, even after all of the interesting twists and turns they had been through? Still... a greenrider giving him cues and information behind the scenes--now that was a twist he could get behind. Greenriders were valuable exactly because so many people thought them utterly worthless aside from being flighty Thread-killers; having her behind him, giving him the information no one else would, could only be a boon in the long run.

He grimaced at the thought; Jays, he was thinking like a Weyrleader.

"You know, it's not a half-bad idea," he mused. "I think it's worth keeping on the table."

When she nudged closer to him and purred into his ear about a celebration, however, his mind moved very quickly out of 'Weyrleader' mode and promptly toward a wide variety of... other things. Things that made his skin flush and his lips twitch upward with fond memories. As she kept talking, of parties--both public and private--his lips only twitched higher.

"Both? Both is good. Let's start with the latter and... work our way toward the former," he murmured, leaning in to nuzzle her neck as his fingers shifted to slide through her long, blonde hair. "I think putting off worries for awhile is just what I need to start figuring things out."
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