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Untitled; School Poem
Topic Started: Feb 19 2007, 06:37 PM (63 Views)
bugturtles
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WE WILL GET TO KICK HIM NOW
This was a poem assignment for school. It's more of a hip-hop-ish rhythm to it. Hence, why there's so many commas. @_@

We're basically talking about African Americans in the 60's and such and how they got segregated and got some flack and racism.

Now, I've had a little bit of that part, so I might as well put it in rhyme. There's a reason for the Go-Kart and creek part. That too is part of the assignment. (somewhere to go to for your problems, memories, etc etc)
--------

I didn't really notice,
How people treated or thought about me cause I had a different skin color -
Jus' 'cause I'm an Asian,
Why they hatin'? That's racism,
And I'm just sayin, so my mind can stay sane and,
I, didn't have enough strong feelings to show it,
Or get too angry and just explode and blow it,
But I didn't really notice until I grew up,
And figured out that it was just all lame,
A bunch of bogus and it wasn't just magical hocus pocus.
So I gotta,
Stomp on the roaches,
Shoo away the locusts,
Because the ignorant populace doesn't know any other way of treatment to show us.

Suddenly I,
Remember going down a hill, with me and my dad,
On a pretty sweet Go-Kart,
It was rad,
You didn't even know how much fun we had,
Hill bombing it all the way at a pretty fast speed,
Disregarding danger and not taking our conscience's heed.
It was real great,
Seeing as how at that time in my life (I was probably less than eight),
I didn't feel people's hate,
And I know whoever is reading this could most possibly relate,
It's as if they got something dirty on their plate.

So when I got older and had a problem,
I always went into our backyard into the little creek,
As if speaking to me, saying "C'mon now son, take a seat",
And I sit down, looking at it, the water flowing on,
With it's own rhythm and it's own beat,
It's as if it took away all my anger and the negative heat coming outta me,
As if it unshackled your chains and set you free.

Now I guess I'm,
Okay for the most part,
Takin' the insults of others (but not to the heart),
And throwin' it back it them twice as hard,
Cause that's how I roll,
That's the philosophy in my heart.
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Roan
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MONSTER
There's an abundance of commas that don't really need to be there.

Also, I think that the "didn't" in the second stanza needs to be a "don't". Didn't just doesn't sound right.

Other than that, good job.
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Michael
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Narcissist
Sounds like a rap. But it's a good job. =)

And nice job using rad.
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