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| Pneumonia Virus terrified after remembering what Clintons are capable of | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Sep 13 2016, 01:03 AM (208 Views) | |
| jon-nyc | Sep 13 2016, 01:03 AM Post #1 |
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Cheers
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http://www.theonion.com/article/pneumonia-virus-terrified-after-remembering-what-c-53927![]() WASHINGTON—Expressing regret over its reckless decision to infect the Democratic presidential nominee, the virus causing Hillary Clinton’s pneumonia was reportedly terrified Monday after remembering what the Clintons were capable of. “Oh shit, what the hell was I thinking—you don’t get on the wrong side of these people,” said the infectious agent, which became increasingly worried while recalling just how far the Clintons were willing to go to get what they wanted, as well as what often happened to those who dared to cross the powerful politicians. “Everybody knows you never mess with the Clintons. These people won’t hesitate to absolutely crush you, and they have the money and connections to do it. I knew I should’ve just stayed clear. I’m so fucked.” At press time, the horrified virus was reportedly planning to avoid the Clintons’ wrath by taking its own life. |
| In my defense, I was left unsupervised. | |
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| Improviso | Sep 13 2016, 01:46 AM Post #2 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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Update: "The virus has gone missing. After an exhaustive search, this reporter has located the virus hiding out in a remote, unused location. When contacted for comment, the vagina would neither confirm nor deny the allegation." |
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Identifying narcissists isn't difficult. Just look for the person who is constantly fishing for compliments and admiration while breaking down over even the slightest bit of criticism. We have the freedom to choose our actions, but we do not get to choose our consequences. | |
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| George K | Sep 13 2016, 03:22 AM Post #3 |
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Finally
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I thought Jon's post was the funniest thing I'd read all day. Improv proved me wrong. |
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A guide to GKSR: Click "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08 Nothing is as effective as homeopathy. I'd rather listen to an hour of Abba than an hour of The Beatles. - Klaus, 4/29/18 | |
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| Mikhailoh | Sep 13 2016, 03:23 AM Post #4 |
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If you want trouble, find yourself a redhead
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An embarrassment of riches.
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Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead - Lucille Ball | |
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| Catseye | Sep 13 2016, 04:03 AM Post #5 |
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Pisa-Carp
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Really? I've no use for Clinton, but I dislike dirty tactics and unfair distortions. For those interested in the truth, here's a short, plain explanation of walking pneumonia: "Mrs Clinton's team say she is suffering with 'walking pneumonia' -- a not-too-serious type of the lung infection which leaves patients feeling unwell but doesn't usually require bed rest or hospital care. "Pneumonia is essentially an infection of the lungs which causes inflammation in the air sacs and fills them with fluid. Symptoms can include a cough, fever, fatigue, chills and shortness of breath. Anyone can contract pneumonia, although smokers, older people, and sufferers of chronic lung diseases are at increased risk. "There are two types, bacterial or viral. Bacterial pneumonia is common and easily treated with antibiotics. Most people with so-called 'walking pneumonia' can recover within a few days. Those with weak immune systems or existing conditions can take weeks to recover, and pneumonia can in some cases be fatal." She has been pursuing a killing schedule for a long time. If it is true that she suffers from allergies, it would be easy to confound symptoms of pneumonia with a combination of allergies and fatigue. Point being, the less scandalous explanation for a thing is at least equally plausible, and maybe more so. If so, you can fault her judgment, but maybe we can dial back on the frenzy and give her -- and her campaign staff and her medical team -- the benefit of the doubt. Show a little generosity. All except the extremists, whose twisted hatred of Clinton has deafened them to anything but orgasmic loathing far beyond anything she has done to earn censure. Let them talk to each other and don't let them corrupt your better nature. The country needs our reason and our better natures to prevail. That's how we're in this stupid FUBAR'd mess to begin with. Let's be our own heroes and be strong and wise, because it's badly needed. Edited by Catseye, Sep 13 2016, 04:13 AM.
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| "How awful a knowledge of the truth can be." -- Sophocles, Oedipus Rex | |
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| George K | Sep 13 2016, 04:10 AM Post #6 |
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Finally
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The "walking pneumonia" meme is a supposition on the part of the press and "her team". Her physician said no such thing:![]() I'm not saying that's not what she has, only that's not what her physician said. "Walking pneumonia" is a colloquialism and not a valid medical diagnosis. "Pneumonia," or more accurately, "pneumonitis" is. |
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A guide to GKSR: Click "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08 Nothing is as effective as homeopathy. I'd rather listen to an hour of Abba than an hour of The Beatles. - Klaus, 4/29/18 | |
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| John D'Oh | Sep 13 2016, 04:16 AM Post #7 |
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MAMIL
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This would be much more of a non-story if it wasn't for the fact that a number of people have questioned her health recently, in what most normal people would consider an example of the sillier side of American politics. The fact that she passed out gives some degree of credibility to what was previously considered to be rather wacky conspiracy theories. Politics over here, particularly regarding Presidential elections, really is considerably more ridiculous than most other places. After a while you start thinking it's normal, but it's really not. |
| What do you mean "we", have you got a mouse in your pocket? | |
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| George K | Sep 18 2016, 04:19 AM Post #8 |
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Finally
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A guide to GKSR: Click "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08 Nothing is as effective as homeopathy. I'd rather listen to an hour of Abba than an hour of The Beatles. - Klaus, 4/29/18 | |
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