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So......
Topic Started: Aug 11 2016, 08:06 PM (35,493 Views)
George K
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Finally
A farm worker greets Josef Stalin at his potato farm.

“Comrade Stalin, we have so many potatoes that, piled one on top of the other, they would reach all the way to God,” the farmer excitedly tells his leader.

“But God does not exist,” replies Stalin.

“Exactly,” says the farmer. “Neither do the potatoes.”
A guide to GKSR: Click

"Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... "
- Mik, 6/14/08


Nothing is as effective as homeopathy.

I'd rather listen to an hour of Abba than an hour of The Beatles.
- Klaus, 4/29/18
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Larry
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
So...


A few nights ago I was in a bar when this man walks in and sits down at the bar and lights up a cigar. He ordered a beer, and then proceeded to sit there and sip his beer and blow smoke rings.

I watched him blow those smoke rings for about 5 minutes and then couldn't take any more.

I walked over to him and said "Hey buddy - if you don't stop calling me names I'm gonna smack you into next Tuesday!"....
Of the Pokatwat Tribe

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Larry
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
So...

being half injun and married to the woman I'm married to, I have come to this conclusion:




Where there's smoke, there's dinner....
Of the Pokatwat Tribe

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Larry
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
I saw a cafe this morning that served an all day breakfast.


But I didn't have that much time....
Of the Pokatwat Tribe

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Larry
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
If white wine goes with fish, do grapes go with sushi?
Of the Pokatwat Tribe

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Larry
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first piping hot pot of coffee.






Oh, I've tried other enemas........
Of the Pokatwat Tribe

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Larry
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
They say ones home is his castle.




But the second you build a dungeon in the basement, somebody calls the cops.....
Of the Pokatwat Tribe

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Larry
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
So.. I said "Honey, you need to embrace your flaws.."


she was so touched by that she reached out and hugged me.....
Of the Pokatwat Tribe

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jon-nyc
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Cheers
Larry
Nov 30 2017, 11:49 AM
They say ones home is his castle.




But the second you build a dungeon in the basement, somebody calls the cops.....
lol
Liszt Godowsky jon-nyc Rachmaninoff Hamelin
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Larry
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
My wife has started calling me Zippo Lighter.


She says that sometimes she has to shake it and blow on it to get it to work......


Posted Image
Of the Pokatwat Tribe

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Larry
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
So...


I was at a friend's funeral the other day, and I asked another one of his friends if he left his wife much.



He said ".... just about every other night...."
Of the Pokatwat Tribe

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Larry
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
We had to pick him up at the morgue...

The guy at the morgue said "Did he have any distinguishing features?"


I said "Well.. he was a little deaf in his left ear..."
Of the Pokatwat Tribe

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Larry
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
A couple of weeks before he died he told his wife he wanted to be cremated.


She said "well, you've got one foot in the grate already...."
Of the Pokatwat Tribe

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Larry
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
So...

this guy in a bar was talking about evolution and said "There are millions of apes and millions of humans, but where are the ones in between?"

I said.......

"Walmart."
Of the Pokatwat Tribe

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Larry
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
I like to buy a four-pack of toilet paper every time I shop, just so I can ask the clerk this judgment question:

"Would you say I got the right amount of toilet paper for the amount of groceries I bought?"
Of the Pokatwat Tribe

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Larry
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
So... I went to the doctor the other day...

"Doc, you've got to help me! I've got a strawberry stuck in my ass!"

He said "Don't worry, I've got cream for that..."
Of the Pokatwat Tribe

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Larry
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
My epileptic cousin just loves our Christmas tree.


You should see how excited he gets when we turn the lights on!.....
Of the Pokatwat Tribe

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Larry
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
When I go to someone's house and they tell me to make myself at home, the first thing I do is throw them out because I don't like visitors.
Of the Pokatwat Tribe

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Larry
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
My Christmas decorations are done!

Posted Image
Of the Pokatwat Tribe

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Larry
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
I hate spelling errors. Mix up two little letters, and your whole sentence is urined....
Of the Pokatwat Tribe

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Larry
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
A multi-national company held a reception to celebrate Christmas. The waiter gave each guest a glass of champagne, but on inspection, each guest noticed that their glass contained a fly.

The Swede asked for new champagne in the same glass.
The Englishman demanded to have new champagne in a new glass.
The Finn picked out the fly out and drank the champagne.
The Russian drank the champagne, fly and all.
The Chinese ate the fly but left the champagne.
The Israeli caught the fly and sold it to the Chinese.
The Italian drank two thirds of the champagne and then demanded to have a new glass.
The Norwegian took the fly and went off to fish.
The Scotsman ground the fly and mixed it in the champagne, which he then donated to the Englishman
The American sued the restaurant and claimed $50 million in compensation.
The Irishman grabbed the fly by the throat and shouted, 'Now spit out all that ye swallowed, ye bastard!'
Of the Pokatwat Tribe

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Larry
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
So..

A white guy visits an indian reservation. Suddenly he hears drums beating in the distance. All the indians add a little skip to their step, keeping time with the drum beat, obviously enjoying the sound.

The white guy stops an indian and says "what's the drumming all about?"

The injun says "Drums gooood. When drums stop - baaaaad!"

The white guy is scared now.... "Why is it bad when the drums stop???"

The injun says "Because next comes the bass guitar solo.".....
Of the Pokatwat Tribe

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Larry
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
So...

I was having lunch in this open air cafe earlier today when all of a sudden it started to rain hard and heavy.


Took me an hour and a half to finish my soup....
Of the Pokatwat Tribe

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Larry
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
The waiter said "How would you like your eggs, sir?"

I said "Does it make any difference in the price?"

The waiter said "Nope."

I said "ok - then I'll have mine with two pieces of sausage and some hash browns...."
Of the Pokatwat Tribe

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Larry
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
On the menu it said "Chicken dinner - 50 cents"

So I ordered that.

They brought me a plate of bird seed....
Of the Pokatwat Tribe

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