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The truth about the orchestra
Topic Started: Aug 9 2015, 04:40 PM (222 Views)
George K
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Finally
https://chris-lamb.co.uk/posts/the-truth-about-orchestral-players
Quote:
 
Before I begin my explanation, let me set the record straight in plain English about some of the characteristics which typify the four groups.

Woodwind players have IQs in the low- to mid-genius range. Nerds with coke-bottle glasses and big egos, blowers tend to be extremely quiet, cowering behind bizarre-looking contraptions - their instruments - so nobody will notice them. It is often difficult to discern whether a wind player is male or female.

String players are neurotic prima donnas who won't even shake your hand for fear of permanent injury. A string player will never look you directly in the eye. They never bathe carefully - or often.

Brass players are loud-mouthed drunkards who bully everyone, with the possible and occasional exception of a stray percussionist. They like to slick their hair back. Nobody knows why.

Percussionists are insensitive oafs who constantly make tasteless jokes at the expense of the strings and woodwinds. They look very good in concert attire but have the worst table manners of all musicians. They are always male, or close enough.


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Newpianoplayer
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Senior Carp
Speaking of orchestras. Does anyone have a story of an orchestra when all of the musicians lost their place in the score. Years ago I heard of an orchestra when the conductor and musicians lost their place. They were saved by the trumpet section who all stood up and played a trumpet solo section in the score.
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bachophile
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HOLY CARP!!!
read the comments....

"wow you waste your time on something like this!! you sound soo stupid!! have you ever been in a band? and just because someone plays a certain instrument dosent mean they act the way some other guys act across the country!!"

i dont think he gets the subtle humor
"I don't know much about classical music. For years I thought the Goldberg Variations were something Mr. and Mrs. Goldberg did on their wedding night." Woody Allen
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Copper
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Shortstop
It could be a she-percussionist
The Confederate soldier was peculiar in that he was ever ready to fight, but never ready to submit to the routine duty and discipline of the camp or the march. The soldiers were determined to be soldiers after their own notions, and do their duty, for the love of it, as they thought best. Carlton McCarthy
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bachophile
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HOLY CARP!!!
no. girls may be a pain in the ass but too smart for that comment. thats a dude.
"I don't know much about classical music. For years I thought the Goldberg Variations were something Mr. and Mrs. Goldberg did on their wedding night." Woody Allen
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