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| Aqua's Spite Sessions; ...possibly available on Soundcloud. | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Jul 15 2015, 06:35 AM (506 Views) | |
| Aqua Letifer | Jul 15 2015, 06:35 AM Post #1 |
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ZOOOOOM!
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....Two households! In our household, we have the Roommate We Don't Like. We don't like her because she's a bit of a hoarder, a bad pet owner, and has an inflated sense of self. There's a wall of her "food" in the fridge—it's all pre-made terrible-for-you **** in yellow cardboard boxes—and she's never around to eat it, so there it sits. I haven't been able to buy groceries this week because it's gotten so bad. Regarding her pets, she leaves her dogs outside for 3-5 hours at a time with no food or water. Her parrot is only alive because my other roommate and I feed her and occasionally hang out. The status of her hamster remains unknown. When pressed about this, she mentions that she's a fabulous pet owner who spends her days showering the animals with unconditional love. Also, she has "like five things" in the fridge "so none of it's mine." Two houses down, we have the household of the Mundane Neighbor. The Mundane Neighbor would be more content living in a log cabin on a 600-acre plot, but since she can't afford it she has to resort to a crapass apartment with neighbors that have the audacity to share wall space with her. She's yelled at me from her yard two rows down for talking to my mom on the phone while outside. My other roommate has had a confrontation of his own about the trash. Yesterday, the Mundane Neighbor came and knocked on our door. (She has yet, after "interacting" with all of us separately, to introduce herself. But we know her now. Oh yes we do.) She complained to the Roommate We Don't Like about her dogs. That she leaves them out in the morning and it wakes her up. But since that's a bull**** complaint in and of itself and she knows that, she upped the ante. She also said "a darker haired man" will often go out back and "rile the dogs up to wake her up." Yeah. That's right. She didn't even work on her fabrication on her walk over to think up a better story. She knocked on the door and made that **** up on the fly. (In case it needs to be said, I never let the dogs out and haven't for months; I consider it my roommate's damn responsibility.) The Roommate We Don't Like told her she didn't know what she was talking about, that she's trained dogs—a lie—and that she always looks after them when they're outside—also a lie. Sensing an impasse, Mundane Neighbor left us as we were. ...I immediately called ASPCA. Because I've been thinking about it for a long time, and this was a perfect opportunity, because the obvious conclusion to draw is that our neighbor called them. They came that afternoon, and did give the Roommate We Don't Like a talking-to. We'll see if it does much good. Also, I set up my amp to be beside the door my roommate uses to take her dogs out. Starting this morning, I have proceeded to practice my dope jams beginning at 8:30 AM, when the noise restrictions for our neighborhood are lifted. (The neighbor caught in the middle goes to work at 7:30 to 8, so she's in the clear.) If there's enough interest, I can post these recordings on Soundcloud for you all to listen. If I get to have another confrontation with the Mundane Neighbor, I'd be more than happy to try to record those as well and remix them into techno tracks or some ****. The decision to mess with the neighbor has, I suppose, increased the camaraderie between me and the Roommate We Don't Like. I pondered this on my way to work this morning—while eating a blueberry muffin that belonged to her—and have concluded that I may be a bit of a bastard. |
| I cite irreconcilable differences. | |
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| brenda | Jul 15 2015, 07:14 AM Post #2 |
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You have an interesting living arrangement, Aqua. Excellent timing for the ASPCA call.
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“Weeds are flowers, too, once you get to know them.” ~A.A. Milne | |
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| Aqua Letifer | Jul 15 2015, 07:15 AM Post #3 |
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ZOOOOOM!
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I didn't even mention my other roommate, either. Unfortunately, it's very complicated. |
| I cite irreconcilable differences. | |
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| brenda | Jul 15 2015, 07:18 AM Post #4 |
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Dope jams. Never heard of that before. |
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“Weeds are flowers, too, once you get to know them.” ~A.A. Milne | |
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| Aqua Letifer | Jul 15 2015, 07:19 AM Post #5 |
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ZOOOOOM!
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My jams are most dope. (How's it goin' today, btw?) |
| I cite irreconcilable differences. | |
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| brenda | Jul 15 2015, 07:22 AM Post #6 |
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Regarding the muffins of the roommate, have one every day. If she asks, tell her you think it's odd she doesn't remember getting up in the night to eat them. Suggest she see might need to be seen if this continues. And of course, it will.
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“Weeds are flowers, too, once you get to know them.” ~A.A. Milne | |
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| Steve Miller | Jul 15 2015, 07:28 AM Post #7 |
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Bull-Carp
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I would feed one prepackaged meal to the dog every day. |
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Wag more Bark less | |
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| Mikhailoh | Jul 15 2015, 07:31 AM Post #8 |
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If you want trouble, find yourself a redhead
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The enemy of my enemy is my friend. Carry on in this no bull endeavor. |
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Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead - Lucille Ball | |
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| Mikhailoh | Jul 15 2015, 07:33 AM Post #9 |
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If you want trouble, find yourself a redhead
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OK, just to clarify, dope does not mean what it did when we were Aqua's age. Something that is dope is tres cool. So dope jams are not things like King Crimson, Jimi Hendrix, etc. Just great music. |
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Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead - Lucille Ball | |
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| brenda | Jul 15 2015, 07:33 AM Post #10 |
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Doctor appointment yesterday, more tests tomorrow. No flippin' clue what's going on with my body's regulators. Thyroid, hormones, lymph glands ... Gah. Took the last of the ten pills today to control the bleeding. I'm told it will resume, just don't know when or how much. Got the GYN doc's direct number for a new round of the meds if this turns into a flood again. ![]() Sounds like you're getting along okay so far after your gall bladder incident. Hubby has found that certain foods give him trouble with his. Perhaps you will, too? Let's just hope it isn't blueberry muffins.
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“Weeds are flowers, too, once you get to know them.” ~A.A. Milne | |
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| brenda | Jul 15 2015, 07:35 AM Post #11 |
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Thank you for the clarification. Learning am I. |
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“Weeds are flowers, too, once you get to know them.” ~A.A. Milne | |
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| brenda | Jul 15 2015, 07:36 AM Post #12 |
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Another good idea.
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“Weeds are flowers, too, once you get to know them.” ~A.A. Milne | |
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| Mikhailoh | Jul 15 2015, 07:37 AM Post #13 |
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If you want trouble, find yourself a redhead
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Win win!!! Aqua gets the refrigerator space and the dog either gets fed or dies!!! |
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Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead - Lucille Ball | |
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| Catseye | Jul 15 2015, 08:08 AM Post #14 |
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Pisa-Carp
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| "How awful a knowledge of the truth can be." -- Sophocles, Oedipus Rex | |
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| sue | Jul 15 2015, 08:19 AM Post #15 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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Awesome story, Aqua. It's good to be back here I fully support the sleepwalking blueberry muffin plan. |
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| Mikhailoh | Jul 15 2015, 08:22 AM Post #16 |
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If you want trouble, find yourself a redhead
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Yep. That is the smart plan. Economical too. |
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Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead - Lucille Ball | |
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| Aqua Letifer | Jul 15 2015, 10:34 AM Post #17 |
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ZOOOOOM!
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She just sent a text message to the two of us re: the muffin:
My response:
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| I cite irreconcilable differences. | |
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| Mikhailoh | Jul 15 2015, 10:35 AM Post #18 |
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If you want trouble, find yourself a redhead
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Nice way to tell her to eat crap.
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Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead - Lucille Ball | |
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| Catseye | Jul 15 2015, 10:50 AM Post #19 |
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Pisa-Carp
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So in addition to all her other desirable attributes, she also has a puffeckly lovely disposition.
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| "How awful a knowledge of the truth can be." -- Sophocles, Oedipus Rex | |
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| Aqua Letifer | Jul 15 2015, 10:52 AM Post #20 |
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ZOOOOOM!
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In her defense, it sounds harsher than it probably meant to be; that's just how she talks. |
| I cite irreconcilable differences. | |
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| Mikhailoh | Jul 15 2015, 12:07 PM Post #21 |
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If you want trouble, find yourself a redhead
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Still, sufficient justification for clandestine warfare. |
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Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead - Lucille Ball | |
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| jon-nyc | Jul 15 2015, 01:21 PM Post #22 |
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Cheers
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Better yet, tell her you saw her hamster walking out of the kitchen with a blueberry muffin. |
| In my defense, I was left unsupervised. | |
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| Mikhailoh | Jul 15 2015, 01:27 PM Post #23 |
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If you want trouble, find yourself a redhead
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And offer proof. That's a blueberry muffin, you know. ![]() |
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Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead - Lucille Ball | |
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| brenda | Jul 15 2015, 01:29 PM Post #24 |
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What the critter leaves behind are not blueberries. |
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“Weeds are flowers, too, once you get to know them.” ~A.A. Milne | |
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| Mikhailoh | Jul 15 2015, 02:43 PM Post #25 |
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If you want trouble, find yourself a redhead
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Come to think of it that might not be a hamster either. |
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Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead - Lucille Ball | |
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So in addition to all her other desirable attributes, she also has a puffeckly lovely disposition.


4:56 PM Jul 10