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When you hear hoofbeats....
Topic Started: Mar 27 2015, 07:24 AM (260 Views)
George K
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Finally
:lol2:

Quote:
 
Internist Trampled to Death by Herd of Wild Zebras

Sad news today as a local internal medicine physician was trampled to death by a herd of wild zebras while walking to the hospital. Witnesses say the deceased, identified as Internist Dr. Thomas Wright, clearly heard the sound of the approaching zebras, but didn’t react appropriately.

“Everyone else heard the hoofbeats, and we all moved out of the way,” said one witness, “But he just kept walking, assuring us that horses are friendly and wouldn’t harm us. He never even stopped to turn around.”

Dr. James McBride, a neurologist, was walking alongside his colleague, but escaped without injuries. “I heard the animals approaching, and I was worried they might be buffalo or mammoths, so I dove out of the way,” said Dr. McBride. “When I rolled over and saw they were just zebras, I was relieved. I tried to warn Dr. Wright, but he informed me that zebras are extremely rare in this country, and he wanted to act conservatively.”

Sources say the herd of zebras escaped from the zoo earlier in the day, and ran wild through the city for several hours before being captured by animal control. Despite minor property damage, no other injuries were reported.

Authorities have issued warnings about the dangers of zebra attacks, including a list of warning signs for wild zebra herds. “Hoofbeats are nonspecific sounds, and the cause of the hoofbeats should be evaluated,” said Chief of Police Mike Summerland. “In the context of hoofed mammals, black and white stripes are almost pathognomonic for zebras. And while zebras are rare, attacks are still possible anytime, anywhere. Raising awareness of zebra attacks is the first step toward preventing them.”
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"Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... "
- Mik, 6/14/08


Nothing is as effective as homeopathy.

I'd rather listen to an hour of Abba than an hour of The Beatles.
- Klaus, 4/29/18
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George K
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Finally
And this, which can apply to any number of environments:

Quote:
 
Mandatory Hospital Staff Meeting to Improve Morale Fails to Improve Morale

COLUMBIA, SC – ED Staff at Our Lady of Gluten Intolerance Hospital finished yet another required but uncompensated hospital staff meeting last week at the behest of OLGIH administration. The meeting was called after administrators brainstormed during a meeting the previous week to address staff attrition and poor morale.

This meeting came on the heels of a meeting called by higher hospital administrators to discuss poor patient satisfaction scores. The administration was forced to call the patient satisfaction score meeting after discovering in an earlier meeting that CMS (Centers for Medicare/Medicaid Services) would base all hospital compensation on the patient satisfaction metric. Evidently, CMS unilaterally made this decision in the previous quarter’s meeting in Washington, after being briefed in a meeting by the House Budget Committee following their meeting to discuss 2014’s numbers.

Despite the brilliant plan by OLGIH’s Administration to call a mandatory meeting with staff, morale actually sank even lower after the all-day “team-building” meeting. Sandy Romanowski, Head of Human Resources at OLGIH, was flummoxed by the failure.

“We had them (the ER staff) participate in proven team building activities, like fingerpainting and rolling beach balls to co-workers while saying nice things about each other, but to no avail. Out of 285 fingerpaintings depicting ‘their favorite moment at work,’ 211 were paintings of the worker clocking out after a shift, 26 were of staff members drinking at gatherings after work, 24 were pictures of staff discharging crying drug-seekers who received no narcotics, 22 were pictures of real or imagined sexual encounters with other staff members, and 2 were so disturbing that I can’t even mention them, except to say that they both involved arson.”

“This situation is hopeless. I mean, we had at least three meetings to discuss this staff morale issue before deciding on our “team-building” day. We flew in experts from Dallas and San Diego for this, and it only cost the equivalent of four FTE (full-time equivalent) nurses for a year. This is the thanks we get. I’m sorry to cut the interview short, but I’m late for a meeting.”
A guide to GKSR: Click

"Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... "
- Mik, 6/14/08


Nothing is as effective as homeopathy.

I'd rather listen to an hour of Abba than an hour of The Beatles.
- Klaus, 4/29/18
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Mikhailoh
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If you want trouble, find yourself a redhead
:lol2:
Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead - Lucille Ball
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George K
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Finally
Mikhailoh
Mar 27 2015, 07:46 AM
:lol2:
"Our Lady of Gluten Intolerance Hospital" Posted Image
A guide to GKSR: Click

"Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... "
- Mik, 6/14/08


Nothing is as effective as homeopathy.

I'd rather listen to an hour of Abba than an hour of The Beatles.
- Klaus, 4/29/18
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big al
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Bull-Carp
Why do doctors get to have all the fun? :mad2:

Big Al
Location: Western PA

"jesu, der simcha fun der man's farlangen."
-bachophile
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brenda
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..............
Best stuff posted all week! :lol2:
“Weeds are flowers, too, once you get to know them.”
~A.A. Milne
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Copper
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Shortstop
George K
Mar 27 2015, 07:24 AM
:lol2:

Quote:
 
. “I heard the animals approaching, and I was worried they might be buffalo or mammoths, so I dove out of the way,”
Are mammoths a big problem in St. Louis?
The Confederate soldier was peculiar in that he was ever ready to fight, but never ready to submit to the routine duty and discipline of the camp or the march. The soldiers were determined to be soldiers after their own notions, and do their duty, for the love of it, as they thought best. Carlton McCarthy
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Klaus
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HOLY CARP!!!
I'm sure GK already knows this one, but here it is anyway:

Five doctors went duck hunting one day. Included in the group were a general practice (GP) physcian, a pediatrician, a psychiatrist, a surgeon and a pathologist.

After a time, a bird came winging overhead. The first to react was the GP who raised his shotgun, but then hesitated. "I'm not quite sure it's a duck," he said, "I think that I will have to get a second opinion." And of course by that time, the bird was long gone.
Another bird appeared in the sky thereafter. This time, the pediatrician drew a bead on it. He too, however, was unsure if it was really a duck in his sights and besides, it might have babies. "I'll have to do some more investigations," he muttered, as the creature made good its escape.

Next to spy a bird flying was the sharp-eyed psychiatrist. Shotgun shouldered, he was more certain of his intended prey's identity. "Now, I know it's a duck, but does it know it's a duck?" The fortunate bird disappeared while the fellow wrestled with this dilemma.

Finally, a fourth fowl sped past and this time the surgeon's weapon pointed skywards. BOOM!!
The surgeon lowered his smoking gun and turned nonchalantly to the pathologist beside him and said. "Go see if that was a duck, will you?"
Trifonov Fleisher Klaus Sokolov Zimmerman
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