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How many women with PMS; does it take to change a light bulb....
Topic Started: Dec 28 2014, 09:12 PM (230 Views)
Larry
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
One. Only ONE!!

And do you know WHY it only takes ONE?

Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don't even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it OUT!

And once they figured it out they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS.

But if they did, by some miracle, actually find the light bulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!

AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID @*!#$% LIGHT BULBS CAME IN!

WHY?!

BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE.

THE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS...

..............I'm sorry...what did you ask me?
Of the Pokatwat Tribe

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Klaus
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HOLY CARP!!!
How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb?

One. We are efficient and don't have humor.
Trifonov Fleisher Klaus Sokolov Zimmerman
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John D'Oh
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MAMIL
How many Englishman does it take to change a light bulb?

What do you mean change it? It's a perfectly good bloody bulb! We've had it for a thousand years and it has worked just *fine*
What do you mean "we", have you got a mouse in your pocket?
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bachophile
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HOLY CARP!!!
How they change the light bulbs in the original Star Trek

Scotty will report to Captain Kirk that the light bulb in the Engineering Section is burnt out, to which Kirk will send Bones to pronounce the bulb dead.

Scotty, after checking around, notices that they have no more new light bulbs, and complains that he can't see in the dark to tend to his engines. Kirk must make an emergency stop at the next uncharted planet, Alpha Regula IV, to procure a light bulb from the natives.

Kirk, Spock, Bones, Sulu, and 3 red shirt security officers beam down. The 3 security officers are promptly killed by the natives, and the rest of the landing party is captured.

Meanwhile, back in orbit, Scotty notices a Klingon ship approaching and must warp out of orbit to escape detection.

Bones cures the native king who is suffering from the flu, and as a reward the landing party is set free and given all of the light bulbs they can carry.

Scotty cripples the Klingon ship and warps back to the planet just in time to beam up Kirk et. Al .

The new bulb is inserted, and the Enterprise continues with its five year mission.
"I don't know much about classical music. For years I thought the Goldberg Variations were something Mr. and Mrs. Goldberg did on their wedding night." Woody Allen
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Mikhailoh
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If you want trouble, find yourself a redhead
:spit:
Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead - Lucille Ball
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brenda
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..............
How many philosophers does it take to change a light bulb?

"Hmmm... well there's an interesting question isn't it?"
"Define 'light bulb'..."
"How can you be sure it needs changing?"
Three. One to change it and two to stand around arguing over whether or not the light bulb exists.

How many Hegelians does it take to change a light bulb?
Two, of course. One stands at one end of the room and argues that it isn't dark; the other stands at the other end and says that true light is impossible. This dialectic creates a synthesis which does the job.

How many Zen masters does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change it, and one not to change it.
Three. One to change it, one not to change it, and one both to change it and not to change it.

How many existentialists does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change the lightbulb and one to observe how the lightbulb symbolizes an incandescent beacon of subjectivity in a netherworld of Cosmic Nothingness.

How many Kuhnian constructionist philosophers of science does it take to change a light bulb?
You're still thinking in terms of 'incremental change'--what we really need is paradigm shift...we don't need a bulb with more attributes added on, we need ubiquitous luminescence.

How many Marxists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Every light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
“Weeds are flowers, too, once you get to know them.”
~A.A. Milne
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brenda
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..............
How many software engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, it's a hardware problem.
“Weeds are flowers, too, once you get to know them.”
~A.A. Milne
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brenda
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..............
Ole: Say dere, Sven, how many Lutherans does it take to change a light bulb?
Sven: Change? Change?!!!
“Weeds are flowers, too, once you get to know them.”
~A.A. Milne
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