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| Tweet Topic Started: Sep 24 2014, 09:01 PM (349 Views) | |
| Larry | Sep 24 2014, 09:01 PM Post #1 |
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
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Well.... actually her name was Hontas. But we always just called her by her high school nickname.... |
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Of the Pokatwat Tribe | |
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| Larry | Sep 24 2014, 09:03 PM Post #2 |
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
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Well, THAT little plan didn't work.... Anybody interested in a thousand candy hearts that say "threesome"? |
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Of the Pokatwat Tribe | |
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| Larry | Sep 24 2014, 09:04 PM Post #3 |
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
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All I can say is..... Motels 1 through 5 must have *really* been dumps..... |
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Of the Pokatwat Tribe | |
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| Larry | Sep 24 2014, 09:06 PM Post #4 |
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
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I would *never* pay to see a psychic... but... they know that.... |
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Of the Pokatwat Tribe | |
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| Larry | Sep 24 2014, 09:08 PM Post #5 |
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
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I read that 4,153,237 people got married last year. Not trying to start any trouble or anything, but shouldn't that be an even number? |
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Of the Pokatwat Tribe | |
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| Larry | Sep 24 2014, 09:13 PM Post #6 |
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
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An Arab family was considering putting their grandfather Abdullah in a nursing home. All the Arab Facilities were completely full, so they had to put him in an Italian home. After a few weeks in the Italian facility, they came to visit Grandpa. How do you like it here?" asked the grandson." It's wonderful! Everyone here is so courteous and respectful," said grandpa. "We're so happy for you. We were worried that this was the wrong place for you since you are a little different from everyone." "Oh, no! Let me tell you about how wonderfully they treat the residents," Abdullah said with a big smile. "There's a musician here - he's 85 years old. He hasn't played the violin in 20 years, and everyone still calls him Maestro! There is a judge in here - he's 95 year old.. He hasn't been on the bench in 30 years and everyone still calls him Your Honor. There's a dentist here - 90 years old. He hasn't fixed a tooth for 25 years, and everyone still calls him Doctor! And Me – I haven't had sex for 45 years, and they still call me The F*cking Arab!" |
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Of the Pokatwat Tribe | |
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| Larry | Sep 24 2014, 09:36 PM Post #7 |
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
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It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then -- just to loosen up and be a part of the crowd. Inevitably, though, one thought led to another and soon I was more than just a social thinker. I began to think alone -- "to relax", I told myself -- but I knew it wasn't true. Thinking became more and more important to me and finally I was thinking all the time. That was when things began to sour at home. One evening I turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent that night at her mother's. I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't mix, but I couldn't help myself. I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau, Muir, Confucius and Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, "What is it exactly we are doing here?" One day the boss called me in. He said, "Listen, I like you and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another job." This gave me a lot to think about. I came home early after my conversation with the boss. "Honey," I confessed, "I've been thinking..." "I know you've been thinking," she said, "and I want a divorce!" "But Honey, surely it's not that serious." "It is serious," she said, lower lip aquiver. "You think as much as college professors and college professors don't make that much money, so if you keep on thinking, we won't have any money!" "That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently. She exploded in tears of rage and frustration, but I was in no mood to deal with the emotional drama. "I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out the door. I headed for the library, in the mood for some John Locke. I roared into the parking lot with NPR on the radio and ran up to the big glass doors. They didn't open. The library was closed. To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night. Leaning on the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Emerson, a poster caught my eye, "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?" it asked. You probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinkers Anonymous poster. This is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker. I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it was "Porky's." Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting. I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home. Life just seemed easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking. I think the road to recovery is nearly complete for me. Today I took the final step...I joined the Democrat Party. |
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Of the Pokatwat Tribe | |
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| Larry | Sep 24 2014, 09:46 PM Post #8 |
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
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WINDOWS: Please enter your new password. USER: cabbage WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters. USER: boiled cabbage WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character. USER: 1 boiled cabbage WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces. USER: 50bloodyboiledcabbages WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character. USER: 50BLOODYboiledcabbages WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively. USER:50BloodyBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAssIfYouDon 'tGiveMeAccessNow! WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation. USER:ReallyPissedOff50BloodyBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAssIfYouDontGiveMeAccessNow WINDOWS: Sorry, that password is already in use. |
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Of the Pokatwat Tribe | |
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| Larry | Sep 25 2014, 08:36 PM Post #9 |
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
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Yeah, I know..... It's not because you've all turned into a bunch of old farts with no sense of humor.... it's because the jokes SUCKED idn't it..... ![]() |
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Of the Pokatwat Tribe | |
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| Horace | Sep 25 2014, 08:57 PM Post #10 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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Larry, you've always been an old fart with no sense of humor. We've always liked you because you never noticed. I hope to never notice when I become an old fart with no sense of humor. It means people sort of liked me. Because they accepted me, at some level, over all that time, while I forgot stuff. |
| As a good person, I implore you to do as I, a good person, do. Be good. Do NOT be bad. If you see bad, end bad. End it in yourself, and end it in others. By any means necessary, the good must conquer the bad. Good people know this. Do you know this? Are you good? | |
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| AndyD | Sep 26 2014, 04:15 AM Post #11 |
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Senior Carp
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Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels. So I said to a Scottsman 'did you have terrible spots as a kid?' He said 'ac ne' I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again Conjunctivitis.com – that’s a site for sore eyes Do you ever get that when you're half way through eating a horse and you think to yourself, 'I'm not as hungry as I thought I was' Eric Bristow asked me why I put superglue on one of his darts. I said you just can't let it go can you? I saw this advert in a window that said: “Television for sale, £1, volume stuck on full.” I thought, “I can’t turn that down.” |
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Every morning the soul is once again as good as new, and again one offers it to one's brothers & sisters in life. | |
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| Larry | Sep 26 2014, 06:58 AM Post #12 |
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
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Hahahahahahaha ![]() |
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Of the Pokatwat Tribe | |
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| Larry | Sep 26 2014, 07:13 AM Post #13 |
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
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This bathroom stall was quite a find. Not only does the toilet paper come in a book but it also has its own phone and a view of the city. We've all been talking about your paranoia... I was going to tell some jokes about Obama supporters..... but they never work... Ran out of laundry detergent, so I poured in some Windex. It worked OK, except for all the birds smacking into me. I wonder if the inventor of the vibrator heard a voice say "If you build it they will come." I think in the story they should have focused less on Goldilocks and more on why Mamma and Pappa Bear don't sleep together any more... If you quit school, just remember two things: 1. You did your best. 2. I don't like pickles on my Big Mac. |
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Of the Pokatwat Tribe | |
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| brenda | Sep 26 2014, 08:25 AM Post #14 |
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..............
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Good stuff!
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“Weeds are flowers, too, once you get to know them.” ~A.A. Milne | |
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| Larry | Sep 26 2014, 09:31 AM Post #15 |
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
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Did you hear about the two guys who stole a calendar? They each got 6 months..... What's a pirate's favorite movie rating? Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...... Welcome to The Antisocial Club. Now besides me, who else doesn't want to be here? A friend told me I was out of touch. I laughed so hard I almost peed my Gucci's... When people say things like "You can't change the past" I can't help but wonder what it must be like to have that brilliant of a mind. I met a girl at a club the other night and she told me she'd show me a good time. When we got outside, she ran 100m in 9.69 seconds. Not to brag, but i finished this 14 day diet in 3 hours and 38 minutes. When I got divorced, we split the house. I got the outside...... I can tell people are judgmental just by looking at them... Went to the planetarium with my family.. I think my sister was surprised to learn she isn't the center of the universe.... |
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Of the Pokatwat Tribe | |
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| AndyD | Sep 27 2014, 11:19 PM Post #16 |
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Senior Carp
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Two flies are playing football in a saucer and one says to the other, "Remember, we've got to keep practising. We're in the cup next week." |
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Every morning the soul is once again as good as new, and again one offers it to one's brothers & sisters in life. | |
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Good stuff!

11:31 AM Jul 11