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We need a joke thread
Topic Started: Jul 22 2012, 01:28 AM (951 Views)
kenny
HOLY CARP!!!

Moon River.
Wider than a mile.
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Larry
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
Three Irishmen are sitting in the pub window seat, Watching the front door of the brothel over the road.

The local Methodist pastor appears, and quickly goes inside.

"Would you look at that!" says the first Irishman. "Didn't I always say what a bunch of hypocrites they are?"

No sooner are the words out of his mouth than a Rabbi appears at the
door, knocks, and goes inside. "Another one trying to fool everyone with pious preaching and stupid hats!"

They continue drinking their beer roundly condemning the Vicar and the Rabbi when they see their own Catholic priest knock on the door.

"Ah, now dat's sad." says the third Irishman. "One of the girls must have died.”
Of the Pokatwat Tribe

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MainerMikeBrown
Senior Carp
RaceCar spelled backwards is Racecar.
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ivorythumper
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I am so adjective that I verb nouns!
A joke for San Franciscans...

East Bay is pig latin for "Beast".
The dogma lives loudly within me.
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ivorythumper
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I am so adjective that I verb nouns!
After nearly 50 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the wife felt her husband, begin to massage her in ways he hadn't in quite some time. It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back. He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down, stopping just over her stomach. He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, working down her side, passing gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf. Then, he proceeded up her thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent.

As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, ‘Honey that was wonderful. Why did you stop?' To which he responded: 'I found the remote.'.
The dogma lives loudly within me.
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Amanda
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Senior Carp
ivorythumper
Jan 10 2013, 02:30 PM
After nearly 50 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the wife felt her husband, begin to massage her in ways he hadn't in quite some time. It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back. He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down, stopping just over her stomach. He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, working down her side, passing gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf. Then, he proceeded up her thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent.

As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, ‘Honey that was wonderful. Why did you stop?' To which he responded: 'I found the remote.'.
Should that ever happen, I'll know all hope is lost - especially the understood bit about his being so careful, for fear of waking her up. :rolleyes2: :unsure:
[size=5]
We should tolerate eccentricity in others, almost to the point of lunacy, provided no one else is harmed.
[/size]

"Daily Telegraph", London July 27 2005
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Mikhailoh
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If you want trouble, find yourself a redhead
Why? Do you hide the remote? :lol2:
Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead - Lucille Ball
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brenda
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..............
Mikhailoh
Jan 10 2013, 03:37 PM
Why? Where do you hide the remote? :lol2:
Now it's a more interesting question. NNTTM
“Weeds are flowers, too, once you get to know them.”
~A.A. Milne
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Mikhailoh
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If you want trouble, find yourself a redhead
It is now.....
Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead - Lucille Ball
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Larry
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
A guy goes to the supermarket and buys 1 bar of soap, 1 toothbrush, 1 tube toothpaste, 1 loaf of bread, 1 pint of milk, 1 single serving cereal, and 1 single serving frozen dinner.

The girl at the checkout counter said "Single, are you?"

The guy said sarcastically, "Yes I am. How'd you guess, because of my purchases?"

The girl said "Nah... because you're ugly.."

Of the Pokatwat Tribe

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Larry
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
A teacher asks each of the kids in class what they need at home.

Joey says "A computer." The teacher replies, "That would be very useful."

Kimmy says "A new lawn mower," and gets a similar response.

Little Johnny pops up and says, "At my house we don't need anything!"

The teacher asks him to think again carefully, as everybody needs something.

Little Johnny replies, "No I'm sure. When Obama was re-elected, I remember my dad saying, “Well, that's the last f***ing thing we needed.”
Of the Pokatwat Tribe

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Stainweggie
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Junior Carp
Posted Image
I have a 6' Stainweggie
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Horace
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HOLY CARP!!!
The Irish guy didn't like romanized Chinese writing, but that was only his o'pinyin.
As a good person, I implore you to do as I, a good person, do. Be good. Do NOT be bad. If you see bad, end bad. End it in yourself, and end it in others. By any means necessary, the good must conquer the bad. Good people know this. Do you know this? Are you good?
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ivorythumper
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I am so adjective that I verb nouns!
Will your antelope with her gnu deer?
Yeah, she doesn't care for that elk, but he has a lot of doe and she'd do anything for a buck.
The dogma lives loudly within me.
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