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The socks have written some Christmas songs for your enjoyment..
Topic Started: Dec 23 2011, 09:56 PM (115 Views)
Larry
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
Up first, is Claude singing his version of Here Comes Santa Claus, entitled..

"There Goes Santa Claus"

Of the Pokatwat Tribe

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Claude Ball
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Middle Aged Carp
Ok....


There goes Santa Claus
There goes Santa Claus
Headin' straight toward Sears,
His belly's fallin' out of his pants
And his beard's comin' loose frum his ears,
Now I don't know where he will go
But give him lots of space,
For he must be
About to pee
You can see it on his face.

There went Santa Claus
There went Santa Claus
In front of Macy's door,
Now I don't think that he will work
In this here mall no more,
It must have been
That jug of gin
I saw under his throne,
Now he has learned
That he'll get burned
For pullin' out his bone.

There goes Santa Claus
There goes Santa Claus
Such a sorry sight,
Now I don't think I'll have my picture
Made with him tonight,
And how can he
Bring gifts to me
With his hands cuffed at the wrist?
And can't they see
That kids like me
Are gettin' mighty pissed..

Dain bramage caused my peach imspediment.
Tooth? Tooth? You can't handle the tooth!
Remember: He who laughs last, thinks slowest.....
DON'T BEND OVER IN THE GARDEN, MARGARET - THEM TATER'S GOT EYES!
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Mikhailoh
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If you want trouble, find yourself a redhead
Time for my 'mall Santa' story?
Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead - Lucille Ball
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Harry Balzac
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Advanced Member
Chipmunks roasting on an open fire
Hot sauce dripping from their toes
Yuletide squirrels fresh filleted by the choir
They poked hot skewers through their nose

Everybody knows some pepper and a garlic clove
Help to make them seasoned right
Tiny rats with a crisp golden coat
Will really hit the spot tonight

And now when Santa sees his tray
There'll be some homemade chipmunk jerky for his sleigh
And every hungry child is gonna spy
To see if chipmunks really sing when they fry

And so I'm brushing on some honey glaze
To keep them crisp and juicy too
Let?s hope they get served many times many ways
Tasty Chipmunks; good food

And so I'm offering some recipes
From chipmunk pie to chipmunk stew
I?m not really sad that it ended this way
Furry chipmunks screw you
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Tonto Goldstein
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Advanced Member
My contribution is to the tune of Auld Lang Syne", and it's called "Auld Dang Wine"

Auld Dang Wine


Should auld acquaintance be forgot
And I get out of line,
It's just because I drink a lot
I'm sloshed on auld dang wine.

My eyes are red, I'm turning green
I have a raw behind,
But I'll just throw up in between
My sips of auld dang wine.

I cannot hardly find my shoes
And that's an awful sign,
'Cause I don't need a good excuse
For drinkin' auld dang wine.

I never know what day it is
My mem'ry works by chance,
And I will often take a whiz
And never drop my pants.

There's nothing worse than getting drunk
And running out of booze,
Then sober up and find you stunk
From pissing on your shoes.

And in this state it's hard to tell
When Christmas gets its start
My only clue is when I smell
A reindeer cut a fart.
Sock License # 113

Old Indian saying:
How smooth must be the language of the white man, when they can make right look like wrong, and wrong look like right.
~ Black Hawk
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Ayatollah Khamenei
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Junior Carp
"Merry Christmas, Allah"

Christmas treats have all been baked
The fridge is stocked with booze
But I still have one wish to make
A big Noel to you

Merry Christmas Allah
We’re far apart that’s true
But that can change if we can arrange
Some mistletoe for you

Christmas lights on my street
I wish you could see
But Mecca’s so far away
I would serve the family lamb instead of Christmas ham
Just to make things okay

Still I wish you’d get into Christmas
Merry Christmas Allah
Have some eggnog too
Why not pick up a little Christmas tree
and buy your wives some new shoes?

My big desire - a worldwide cease-fire
'Cause Santa’s up in his sleigh
And we wish you Merry Christmas
Merry Christmas Allah
Happy Ramadan too
Just one more wish on this Christmas Eve
Peace on Earth would do
And take this fruitcake too
Allah'u Akhbar!
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Achmed The Dead Terrorist
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Advanced Member
I like songs about blowing up sh!t...

My version of

"Up On The Housetop"


Up on the housetop, click click click,
I sat waiting for old Saint Nick,
Last year I asked for a doll that wet,
All that I got was a chemistry set.

Ho ho ho,
He's gonna blow,
Hee hee hee,
Don't mess with me,
Don't give a sh!t 'bout his eight reindeer,
He's gonna blow when he gets to here...

Up 'cross the chimney, bing bing bing,
I've made a trip wire from guitar string,
Hooked to a bomb that's as hot as they get,
One that I made with my chemistry set.

Ho ho ho,
He's gonna blow,
Hee hee hee,
Don't mess with me,
Don't give a sh!t 'bout his eight reindeer,
He's gonna blow when he gets to here.

Up on the housetop, hey hey hey,
'Bout ten feet in front of his sleigh,
There lays a bomb and if I'm not wrong,
We'll have deer meat all year long.

(repeat chorus)

Up on the housetop, tink tink tink,
Old Santa walked and he gave a wink,
He handed me a doll so dear,
Guess I'll give him another year.

Ho ho ho,
He won't blow,
Hee hee hee,
I'll let him be,
But why did he laugh as he left from here?
When I have spared him and his reindeer?

(repeat chorus II)

Down off the rooftop, tick tick tick,
I heard the doll tick and I got sick,
I heard him say just before the splat,
That'll fix you, you stinking brat.

Hoo hoo hoo,
What did I do,
hee hee hee,
He messed with me,
I'm gonna get what I should get,
I didn't get the last chemistry set..
SILENCE! I keel you!
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Wyatt Derp
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Advanced Member
If vodka was water
And I was a duck
I'd swim to the bottom
And never come up.

But vodka's not water
And I'm not a duck
So slide me the bottle
And shut the f*ck up.
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