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What do you call it when...
Topic Started: Jul 20 2011, 11:55 AM (459 Views)
Larry
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
What do you call it when your wife gets your name tattooed onto her breasts?





Identitties...
Of the Pokatwat Tribe

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The 89th Key
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:lol: :thumb:
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Larry
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
Went to the circus the other day....

I said "Hey - look at the bearded lady!"

She said "I prefer Italian-American, thank you very much...."
Of the Pokatwat Tribe

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Larry
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
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Of the Pokatwat Tribe

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Larry
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
YOU PEOPLE NEED TO PULL THE COB OUT OF YOUR ASSES AND LAUGH A LITTLE!!!!

:D
Of the Pokatwat Tribe

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kenny
HOLY CARP!!!
Click
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Larry
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
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Of the Pokatwat Tribe

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kenny
HOLY CARP!!!
Click
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Mikhailoh
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If you want trouble, find yourself a redhead
Larry
Jul 20 2011, 03:31 PM
YOU PEOPLE NEED TO PULL THE COB OUT OF YOUR ASSES AND LAUGH A LITTLE!!!!

:D
I LOLed out loud. I just didn't tell you.

BUT! On that note, I am as we speak cooking the very first local sweet corn of the season, so if anyone wants fresh, locally grown cobs....
Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead - Lucille Ball
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Larry
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
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Of the Pokatwat Tribe

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Larry
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
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Of the Pokatwat Tribe

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Larry
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
Backup supply room..

Spoiler: click to toggle
Of the Pokatwat Tribe

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Larry
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
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Of the Pokatwat Tribe

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Larry
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
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Of the Pokatwat Tribe

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Larry
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could nail a woman's personality based on what she drinks. Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts.

The results:

Drink: Beer
Personality: Causal, low-maintenance; down to earth.
Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.

Drink: Blender Drinks
Personality: Flaky, whiny, annoying; a pain in the ass.
Your Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabana boy.

Drink: Mixed Drinks
Personality: Older, more refined, high maintenance, has very picky taste; knows EXACTLY what she wants.
Your Approach: You won't have to approach her. If she's interested, she'll send YOU a drink...........

Drink: Wine (does not include White Zinfandel)
Personality: Conservative and classy; sophisticated yet giggles.
Your Approach: Tell her you love to travel and spend quiet evenings with friends.

Drink: White Zinfandel
Personality: Easy; thinks she is classy and sophisticated, actually, she has NO clue.
Your Approach: Make her feel smarter than she is...this should be an easy target.

Drink: Shots
Personality: Likes to hang with frat-boy pals and looking to get
totally drunk... and naked.
Your Approach: Easiest hit in the joint. You have been blessed. Nothing to do but wait, however, be careful not to make her mad!

Drink: Tequila
No explanations required - everyone just KNOWS what happens there.


THEN, there is the MALE addendum ----
The deal with guys is, as always, very simple and clear cut:

Domestic Beer: He's poor and wants to get laid.

Imported Beer: He likes good beer and wants to get laid.

Wine: He is hoping that the wine will give him a sophisticated image to help him get laid.

Whiskey: He doesn't give a damn about anything but getting laid.

Tequila: He is thinking he has a chance with the toothless waitress.

White Zinfandel: He's gay
Of the Pokatwat Tribe

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Larry
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut, eating a snack cake.

The barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your Twinkie."

She says, "Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too."
Of the Pokatwat Tribe

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Larry
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
Politically correct descriptions of men:

1 He does not have a "BEER GUT" - He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY."

2. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" - He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS."

3. He is not "BALDING" - He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION."

4. .He is not a "CRADLE ROBBER" - He prefers "GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS."

5. He does not get "FALLING-DOWN DRUNK" - He becomes "ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL."

6. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" - He develops a case of "RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION."

7. He is not a "MALE CHAUVINIST PIG" - He has "SWINE EMPATHY."

8. He is not afraid of "COMMITMENT" - He is "RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGED."

9. He is not "HORNY" - He is "SEXUALLY FOCUSED."

10. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants - It's "REAR CLEAVAGE."
Of the Pokatwat Tribe

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brenda
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..............
"FOLLICLE REGRESSION"

I must share this new phrase with hubby. :)
“Weeds are flowers, too, once you get to know them.”
~A.A. Milne
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Larry
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
One day, a blond and her male co-worker are sitting in the lunch room, and the guy says, "I can't take anymore today, I am going home!" The blond replies, "You can't just get up and leave. You'll be fired!". "Not to worry, I am going to be sent home. I have an idea." the guy says and leaves the room.

The blond finishes her lunch and heads back into work, to see her co-worker hanging upside down from the ceiling, yelling over and over, "I'm a lightbulb!". The owner hears this and comes down. He takes one look at the guy, hanging upside down, yelling he is a lightbulb, and sends him home for the rest of the day, with pay, so he can rest, because he has obviously been working to hard.

The guy gets down off the ceiling, thanks the owner and leaves. The blond turns around and starts to leave. The owner yells to her, "Hey where the heck do you think you are going?"

The blond replies, "I'm going home. You can't expect me to work in the dark!"
Of the Pokatwat Tribe

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Larry
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
I was riding down the interstate yesterday when I observed a female driver who cut right in front of a pickup truck, causing the driver to drive onto the shoulder to avoid hitting her. This evidently angered the driver enough that he hung his arm out his window and gave the woman the finger.

"Man, that guy is stupid," I thought to myself. I ALWAYS smile nicely and wave in a sheepish manner whenever a female does anything to me in traffic, and here's why:

I drive 48 miles on the interstate each way every day. That's 96 miles each day.

Of these, 16 miles each way is bumper-to-bumper.

Most of the bumper-to-bumper is on an 8 lane highway..

There are 7 cars every 40 feet for 32 miles.

That works out to 982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars.

Even though the rest of the 32 miles is not bumper-to-bumper,

I figure I pass at least another 4000 cars.

That brings the number to something like 36,000 cars that I pass every day.

Statistically, females drive half of these. That's 18,000 women drivers!

In any given group of females, 1 in 28 has PMS. That's 642.

According to Cosmopolitan, 70% describe their love life as dissatisfying or unrewarding. That's 449.

According to the National Institute of Health, 22% of all females have seriously considered suicide or homicide. That's 98.

And 34% describe men as their biggest problem. That's 33.

According to the National Rifle Association, 5% of all females carry weapons and this number is increasing..

That means that EVERY SINGLE DAY, I drive past at least one female that has a lousy love life, thinks men are her biggest problem, has seriously considered suicide or homicide, has PMS, and is armed.

Give her the finger? Not me!
Of the Pokatwat Tribe

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George K
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Finally
Inner Thoughts

Her Diary:

Sunday night I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment.

Conversation wasn’t flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk, he agreed but he kept quiet and aloof. I asked him what was wrong – he said, “Nothing.” I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset.

He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry. On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving. I can’t explain his behavior; I don’t know why he didn’t say, “I love you, too.”

When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched TV; he seemed distant and vacant. Finally I decided to go to bed.

About 10 minutes later he came to bed and to my surprise he responded to my caress and we made love, but I still felt that his thoughts were somewhere else. I decided that I could not take it anymore, so I decided to confront him with the situation but he had fallen asleep. I started crying and cried until I also fell asleep. I don’t know what to do. I’m almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.



His Diary:

Today the Packers lost, but at least I got laid.
A guide to GKSR: Click

"Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... "
- Mik, 6/14/08


Nothing is as effective as homeopathy.

I'd rather listen to an hour of Abba than an hour of The Beatles.
- Klaus, 4/29/18
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Mikhailoh
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If you want trouble, find yourself a redhead
My favorite.
Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead - Lucille Ball
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Larry
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
A man went to the doctor's office to ask for a triple dose of Viagra. The doctor told him that he couldn't allow him a triple dose.

'Why not?' asked the man.

'Because it's not safe,' replied the doctor.

'But I need it really bad,' said the man.

'Well, why do you need it so badly?' asked the doctor.

The man said, 'My girlfriend is coming into town on Friday, my ex-wife will be here on Saturday and my wife is coming home on Sunday. Can't you see? I've got to have a triple dose.'

The doctor finally relented saying, 'All right, I'll give it to you, but you have to come in Monday morning so that I can check you to see if there are any side effects.'

On Monday afternoon the man dragged himself into the doctor’s office...his right arm in a sling.

The doctor asked, 'Good gawd! What happened to you?'

The man said, 'No one showed up.
Of the Pokatwat Tribe

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Larry
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
An Italian guy, a Scottish guy, and a Chinese guy are hired at a Construction site.

The foreman points out a huge pile of sand.

He says to the Italian guy, 'You're in charge of sweeping.'

To the Scotsman he says, 'You're in charge of shoveling.'

And to the Chinese guy, 'You're in charge of supplies.'

He then says, 'Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you men to make a dent in that pile of sand.' But when the foreman returns after being away for a couple of hours the pile of sand is untouched.

He asks the Italian, 'Why didn't you sweep any of it?'

The Italian replies, 'I no hava no broom. You saida to the Chinesea fella that he a wasa ina charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere.'

Then the foreman turns to the Scotsman and says 'And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile.'

The Scotsman replies, 'Aye, that ye did laddie, boot ah could nae get meself a shoovel. Ye left th' Chinese gadgie in chairge of supplies, boot ah couldna fin' him neither.'

The foreman is really angry now… He storms off toward the pile of sand to look for the Chinese gent…

Just then, the Chinese man leaps out from behind the pile of sand and yells.....

'SUPPLIES!!!!
Of the Pokatwat Tribe

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Larry
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
In a Chicago Hospital, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men's restroom, but it had always been occupied. A nurse noticed his predicament.

Sir, she said, "You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall."

He did what he needed to, and as he sat there he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch. Each button was identified by letters: WW, WA, PP20 and a red one labeled ATR. Who would know if he touched them?

He couldn't resist... He pushed WW. Warm water was sprayed gently upon his bottom. What a nice feeling, he thought. Men's restrooms don't have nice things like this.

Anticipating greater pleasure, he pushed the WA button. Warm air replaced the warm water, gently drying his underside.

When this stopped, he pushed the PP button. A large powder puff caressed his bottom adding a fragile scent of spring flower to this unbelievable pleasure. The ladies restroom was more than a restroom, it is tender loving pleasure.

When the powder puff completed its pleasure, he couldn't wait to push the ATR button which he knew would be supreme ecstasy.

Next thing he knew he opened his eyes and found that he was in a hospital bed, and a nurse was staring down at him.

"What happened?" he exclaimed. "The last thing I remember was pushing the ATR button."

The nurse replied, "The ATR button is an Automatic Tampon Remover. Your penis is under your pillow."
Of the Pokatwat Tribe

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