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For those who don't know Jack Schitt
Topic Started: Jul 17 2011, 12:44 PM (84 Views)
Larry
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
Since so many people don't seem to know Jack Schitt, I have spent the afternoon doing a bit of genealogical research into the matter..


Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack. In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Sense, thus becoming Noe Schitt.

The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt. Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout.

After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock.

Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt.

Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.

Now when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt' you can correct them.
Of the Pokatwat Tribe

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Larry
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
Dear Abby,

I am a crack dealer in Beaumont , Texas who has recently been diagnosed as a carrier of HIV virus. My parents live in Fort Worth and one of my sisters, who lives in Pflugerville, is married to a transvestite.

My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana. They are financially dependent on my other two sisters, who are prostitutes in Dallas .

I have two brothers, one is currently serving a non-parole life sentence at Huntsville for the murder of a teenage boy in 1994. My other brother is currently in jail awaiting charges of sexual misconduct with his three children.

I have recently become engaged to marry a former prostitute who lives in Longview , She is a part time "working girl".

All things considered, my problem is this. I love my fiancé and look forward to bringing her into the family. I certainly want to be totally open and honest with her.

Should I tell her about my cousin who voted for Obama for President?

Signed,
Worried About My Reputation
Of the Pokatwat Tribe

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Larry
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Let's make fun of Arkansas:


A guy from Arkansas passed away and left his entire estate to his beloved widow, but she can't touch it till she's 14.

How do you know when you're staying in an Arkansas hotel?
When you call the front desk and say, "I got a leak in my sink," and the clerk replies, "Go ahead."

How can you tell if an Arkansas redneck is married?
There's dried tobacco juice on both sides of his pickup truck.

Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking age in Arkansas to 32?
It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools.

What do they call reruns of "Hee Haw" in Arkansas?
Documentaries.

An Arkansas State trooper pulls over a pickup on I-30 and says to the driver, "Got any I.D.?"
The driver replies " 'Bout wut?"

Did you hear about the $3 million Arkansas State Lottery?
The winner gets $3.00 a year for a million years.

The governor's mansion in Arkansas burned down! Yep. Pert' near took out the whole trailer park. The library was a total loss too. Both books - poof! Up in flames, and he hadn't even finished coloring one of them.

A new law was recently passed in Arkansas . When a couple gets divorced, they are STILL cousins.

A guy walks into a bar in Arkansas and orders a mudslide. The bartender looks at the man and says, "You ain't from 'round here, are ya? "No," replies the man, "I'm from Pennsylvania " The bartender looks at him and says, "Well, what do ya do in Pennsylvania ?" "I'm a taxidermist," said the man. The bartender, looking very bewildered now, asks, "What in the world is a tax-e-derm-ist?" The man says,"I mount animals." The bartender stands back and hollers to the whole bar..."It's okay boys, he's one of us!"
Of the Pokatwat Tribe

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Mikhailoh
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If you want trouble, find yourself a redhead
:lol2:
Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead - Lucille Ball
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