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| Claude Ball; For your interest in what a meta is for! | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Jul 13 2011, 05:19 PM (285 Views) | |
| Catraoine | Jul 13 2011, 05:19 PM Post #1 |
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Junior Carp
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Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature prime English beef. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up. She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools. The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free. Her vocabulary was as bad as, you know, like, whatever. Her voice had that tense, grating quality, like a first-generation thermal paper fax machine that needed a band tightened. He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Sex in the City" comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met. Even in his last years, Grandad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while. "Oh, Jason, take me!"; she panted, her breasts heaving like a Uni student on $1-a-beer night. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up. She was as easy as the TV Guide crossword. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs. It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall. |
| Hatred is often felt by those that cannot understand why you are so loved. | |
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| Mikhailoh | Jul 13 2011, 05:20 PM Post #2 |
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If you want trouble, find yourself a redhead
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Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead - Lucille Ball | |
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| LWpianistin | Jul 13 2011, 05:26 PM Post #3 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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All great!
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| And how are you today? | |
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| Claude Ball | Jul 13 2011, 05:27 PM Post #4 |
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Middle Aged Carp
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That's just like my cousin Ted sounded after he had that sex change operation and changed his name to Thelma.
He must know my aunt Myrtle. She wuz so big that she had to back out of rooms. After she ran over grannie Ball we put one of them backup beepers on her. |
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Dain bramage caused my peach imspediment. Tooth? Tooth? You can't handle the tooth! Remember: He who laughs last, thinks slowest..... DON'T BEND OVER IN THE GARDEN, MARGARET - THEM TATER'S GOT EYES! | |
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| Catraoine | Jul 13 2011, 07:05 PM Post #5 |
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Junior Carp
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Ah Claude, I shall remember in future not to have a mouthful of coffee when reading your posts as I have just spluttered it all over my keyboard.
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| Hatred is often felt by those that cannot understand why you are so loved. | |
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| The Silver Tongued Devil | Jul 13 2011, 07:43 PM Post #6 |
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Junior Carp
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Jason would have taken her up on her offer, but he spent his entry fee before he got to the door like a raging pimple squeezed a bit to firmly... |
| Never play poker with a man named Ace. | |
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| Goober | Jul 13 2011, 07:45 PM Post #7 |
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Advanced Member
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What's he talkin' about, Andy? |
| Goober says hey! | |
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| Andy | Jul 13 2011, 07:46 PM Post #8 |
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Advanced Member
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Never mind, Goob... |
| Sock license # 113 | |
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| Barney | Jul 13 2011, 07:50 PM Post #9 |
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Advanced Member
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Well you see Goober, when a man and a woman.... you see.. it's like this Goob... women have this... being the suave, romantic type that I am, I can speak to you from experience, and |
| Sock License # 113 | |
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| Andy | Jul 13 2011, 07:52 PM Post #10 |
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Advanced Member
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Shut up, Barn.. |
| Sock license # 113 | |
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| Gomer | Jul 13 2011, 07:54 PM Post #11 |
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Advanced Member
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Shazam ! |
| Sock License # 113 | |
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| Taquisha | Jul 13 2011, 07:55 PM Post #12 |
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Junior Carp
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All you white mens do that, baby... |
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You ain't even SEEN a mad black woman til you read my diary... Larry be my baby daddy | |
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| Yu Suk | Jul 13 2011, 07:57 PM Post #13 |
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Advanced Member
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Hai....... |
| Hai! | |
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11:33 AM Jul 11