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| JOKE TIME! BANAYWTB!! | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Jan 17 2011, 02:21 PM (354 Views) | |
| Larry | Jan 17 2011, 02:21 PM Post #1 |
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
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A man walks into a doctor's office with a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear. "What's the matter with me?" he asks the doctor. The doctor replies, "You're not eating properly." |
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Of the Pokatwat Tribe | |
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| Larry | Jan 17 2011, 02:22 PM Post #2 |
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
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How do you catch a unique rabbit? Unique up on him... How do you catch a pet rabbit?... tame way.... |
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Of the Pokatwat Tribe | |
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| Larry | Jan 17 2011, 02:28 PM Post #3 |
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
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REDNECK POETRY: Roses are red, And ready for plucking. You're 13, and ----- --- -------... (remember......BANAYWTB) |
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Of the Pokatwat Tribe | |
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| kenny | Jan 17 2011, 02:40 PM Post #4 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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more more more |
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| JBryan | Jan 17 2011, 02:40 PM Post #5 |
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I am the grey one
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This one I'm ducking. |
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"Any man who would make an X rated movie should be forced to take his daughter to see it". - John Wayne There is a line we cross when we go from "I will believe it when I see it" to "I will see it when I believe it". Henry II: I marvel at you after all these years. Still like a democratic drawbridge: going down for everybody. Eleanor: At my age there's not much traffic anymore. From The Lion in Winter. | |
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| Mikhailoh | Jan 17 2011, 03:42 PM Post #6 |
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If you want trouble, find yourself a redhead
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Why does a chicken coop have only two doors? If it had four, it would be a chicken sedan. |
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Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead - Lucille Ball | |
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| Mikhailoh | Jan 17 2011, 03:48 PM Post #7 |
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If you want trouble, find yourself a redhead
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Three men were waiting at Heaven's Gate. St. Peter says, "OK, guys, pretty much anything goes up here, but whatever you do, never lie, or you will spend the rest of eternity with the ugliest women in the universe." So they all agree and are admitted in. The first guy makes it a week before he lies about how rich he was on Earth. Bam! Right at his side appears the ugliest woman he had ever seen. The second guy makes it another couple weeks before he lies about how smart he is. Bam! At his side appears the second ugliest woman in the universe. So the first two guys are walking around with their monsters of women when they see their third friend walking with the hottest woman ever conceived by man. The first two guys say in unison, "How did you land with that babe when we get stuck with these nasty women?" He nudges the babe and says, "Tell them." She says to the first two guys, "I lied." |
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Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead - Lucille Ball | |
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| Mikhailoh | Jan 17 2011, 03:52 PM Post #8 |
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If you want trouble, find yourself a redhead
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Some gangsters decide to rob a bank. After several days of planning they agree on the best plan. The next day they get to work and are able to get into the bank relatively easy thanks to their planning. Once inside the main vault they discover one wall is full of safety deposit boxes and start to work on them immediately. They drill and pry open the first box only to find a small container of vanilla pudding inside. The Head Gangster says, "Okay, well, at least we can eat it." So they eat the pudding. They drill and pry open up the second safety deposit box and there sits another pudding. They decide to devour it too. Determined to find the goods, the process continues for the rest of the night until all the safety deposit boxes have been opened. They didn't find any money or jewelry in any of the boxes. Disappointed the head gangster said, "Well, at least they left something for us to eat." The next day, while listening to the news they hear:"Yesterday the largest sperm bank in the USA was robbed by an unknown group of people....." |
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Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead - Lucille Ball | |
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| Mikhailoh | Jan 17 2011, 03:54 PM Post #9 |
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If you want trouble, find yourself a redhead
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Way back in the time of the samurai, there was a powerful emperor. This emperor needed a new head samurai. So, he sent out a message to everybody he knew for them to send a message to who they knew, and so forth. A year passes, and only three people show up: a Japanese samurai, a Chinese samurai, and a Jewish samurai. The emperor asks the Japanese samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be head samurai. The Japanese samurai opens up a matchbox, and out pops a little fly. WHOOOOOSH. The fly drops dead on the ground in 2 pieces! The emperor says, "That is very impressive!" Then the emperor asks the Chinese samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be head samurai. The Chinese samurai opens up a matchbox and out pops a little fly. WHOOOOOOSH. WOOOOOOOSH. The fly drops dead on the ground in 4 pieces! The emperor says, "That is really impressive!" Then the emperor asks the Jewish samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be head samurai. The Jewish samurai thinks, "If it works for the other two..." So the Jewish samurai walks in, opens a matchbox, and out pops a little fly. WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSHHHH. A gust of wind fills the room, but the fly is still buzzing around. The emperor says in disappointment, "Why is the fly not dead?" And the Jewish samurai replies, "If you look closely, you'll see that the fly has been circumcised." |
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Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead - Lucille Ball | |
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| Mikhailoh | Jan 17 2011, 03:56 PM Post #10 |
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If you want trouble, find yourself a redhead
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A Scotsman is sitting on a train across from a busty blonde wearing a tiny mini skirt. Despite his efforts, he is unable to stop staring at the top of her thighs. To his delight, he realises she has gone without underwear. The blonde realises he is staring and inquires, "Are you looking at my growler?" "Yes, I'm sorry, " says the Scotsman and promises to avert his eyes. "It's quite alright," replies the woman, "It's very talented, watch this, I'll make it blow a kiss to you." Sure enough the growler blows him a kiss. Wee Hughie, who is completely absorbed, inquires what else the growler can do. "I can also make it wink, " says the woman. The Scotsman stares in amazement as the growler winks at him. "Come and sit next to me," suggests the woman, patting the seat. The Scotsman moves over and is asked, "Would you like to stick a couple of fingers in?" Stunned, The Scotsman replies, "Good grief! Can it whistle, too?" |
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Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead - Lucille Ball | |
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| Larry | Jan 17 2011, 05:17 PM Post #11 |
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
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hahahahahahahahaaaaa |
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Of the Pokatwat Tribe | |
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| Mikhailoh | Jan 17 2011, 06:53 PM Post #12 |
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If you want trouble, find yourself a redhead
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I recall seeing the Faces in 73 and the crowd was rather dull. Stewart quipped 'the action was on the stage, it was'. |
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Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead - Lucille Ball | |
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| ivorythumper | Jan 20 2011, 01:25 PM Post #13 |
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I am so adjective that I verb nouns!
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A man dies and stands before the Pearly Gates. St. Pete asks him if he can tell him something he's done really good in his lifetime to warrant letting him into Heaven. "Sure," the man says, "once when I was drivin' down the road, I saw this biker gang hassling a young lady. So I pulled over, got the tire iron out of my truck, and told them to leave her alone or they'd be answering to me." "That's wonderful!" St. Peter said. "When did this happen?" "Oh," the man answered, "about ten minutes ago." |
| The dogma lives loudly within me. | |
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| big al | Jan 20 2011, 01:29 PM Post #14 |
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Bull-Carp
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A grizzled old man was eating in a truck stop when three Hell's Angels bikers walked in. The first walked up to the old man, pushed his cigarette into the old man's pie and then took a seat at the counter. The second walked up to the old man, spit into the old man's milk and then he took a seat at the counter. The third walked up to the old man, turned over the old man's plate, and then he took a seat at the counter. Without a word of protest, the old man quietly left the diner. Shortly thereafter, one of the bikers said to the waitress, "Humph, not much of a man, was he?" The waitress replied, "Not much of a truck driver either. He just backed his truck over three motorcycles." |
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Location: Western PA "jesu, der simcha fun der man's farlangen." -bachophile | |
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| Mark | Jan 20 2011, 01:33 PM Post #15 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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___.___ (_]===* o 0 When I see an adult on a bicycle, I do not despair for the future of the human race. H.G. Wells | |
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