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This one's for Larry.
Topic Started: Jan 12 2011, 10:05 AM (212 Views)
VPG
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Pisa-Carp
A husband walks into Victoria's Secret to purchase a sheer negligee for his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price -- the more sheer, the higher the price. He opts for the sheerest item, pays the $500, and takes it home. He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on, and model it for him.
Upstairs, the wife thinks (she's no dummy), "I have an idea ... it's so sheer that it might as well be nothing. I won't put it on, I'll do the
modeling naked, return it tomorrow, and keep the $500 refund for myself."
She appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose.

The husband says, "Good Grief! You'd think for $500, they'd at least iron it!"

He never heard the shot. Funeral is on Thursday at Noon.

The coffin will be closed.



I'M NOT YELLING.........I'M ITALIAN...........THAT'S HOW WE TALK!


"People say that we're in a time when there are no heroes, they just don't know where to look."
Ronald Reagan, Inaugural, 1971

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Larry
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
I just got off the phone with a friend in North Dakota .

he said that since early this morning the snow has been nearly waist high and is still falling.

The temperature is dropping below zero and the north wind is increasing.

His wife has done nothing but look through the kitchen window all day.

He says that if it gets much worse, he may have to let her in.
Of the Pokatwat Tribe

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brenda
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..............
Good thing that said North Dakota! :tsktsk:
:lol:

“Weeds are flowers, too, once you get to know them.”
~A.A. Milne
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Larry
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
A chicken farmer went to a local bar. He sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne.

The woman perks up and says, 'How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!'

'What a coincidence' the farmer says. 'This is a special day for me.... I am celebrating'

'This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating!' says the woman.

'What a coincidence!' says the farmer! As they clinked glasses the farmer asked, 'What are you celebrating?'

'My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my gynecologist told me that I am pregnant!'

'What a coincidence,' says the farmer. 'I'm a chicken farmer and for years all of my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying fertilized eggs.'

'That's great!' says the woman. 'How did your chickens become fertile?'

'I used a different cock,' he replied.

The woman smiled and said, 'What a coincidence.'
Of the Pokatwat Tribe

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JBryan
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I am the grey one
Reminds me of a friend who was coming to the end of a two year project overseas. His parents did what they could to take care of his wife in his absence. This is when he received the following text message from his parents:

We have enjoyed your wife's company immensely and so have your sister and her two kids. I am sure you will be pleased to know she is great with children.

Unforunately, the entire tone of the message was altered when the last three letters failed to transmit.
"Any man who would make an X rated movie should be forced to take his daughter to see it". - John Wayne


There is a line we cross when we go from "I will believe it when I see it" to "I will see it when I believe it".


Henry II: I marvel at you after all these years. Still like a democratic drawbridge: going down for everybody.

Eleanor: At my age there's not much traffic anymore.

From The Lion in Winter.
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brenda
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..............
JB - :lol:
“Weeds are flowers, too, once you get to know them.”
~A.A. Milne
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jon-nyc
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Cheers
This redneck is walking past the woods at night when he hears a voice call out to him and realizes it's a redneck hooker turning tricks in the woods. He asks how much, she says twenty bucks, he thinks what the hell it's only 20 bucks. So he's in the woods giving her the high hard one and suddenly a bright light comes on and he hears "This is the police! What are you doing in there?"

"Havin' sex with my wife!" he answers.

"I'm sorry, mister, I didn't know she was your wife," the cop says.

"Neither did I 'til you turned that light on!"
In my defense, I was left unsupervised.
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ivorythumper
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I am so adjective that I verb nouns!
jon -- :lol2: :lol2: :lol2:
The dogma lives loudly within me.
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