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| Tweet Topic Started: Dec 6 2010, 12:22 AM (1,449 Views) | |
| Frank_W | Dec 6 2010, 10:13 AM Post #26 |
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Resident Misanthrope
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Good. She needs to do more than talk about it. It needs to happen right now. |
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Anatomy Prof: "The human body has about 20 sq. meters of skin." Me: "Man, that's a lot of lampshades!" | |
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| KlavierBauer | Dec 6 2010, 10:16 AM Post #27 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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I agree with Frank and IT - authorities need to be involved yesterday. Even if he's not serious - he needs to know that you can't act that way without consequence. As Frank has demonstrated though, this type of talk can't be taken lightly. Especially with the prior history of physical abuse - you already know he's willing to take it past what is sane, reasonable, or legal - so to imagine him taking it a bit further is not a stretch *at all*. Police - pronto. If she won't do it, you should. |
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"I realize you want him to touch you all over and give you babies, but his handling of the PR side really did screw the pooch." - Ivory Thumper "He said sleepily: "Don't worry mom, my dick is like hot logs in the morning." - Apple | |
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| Riley | Dec 6 2010, 10:21 AM Post #28 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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Is there a way to talk to police anonymously for advice? She's agreed to that which is a start. |
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| sue | Dec 6 2010, 10:24 AM Post #29 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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Now. No doubt she's pretty rattled and doesn't know what she should do. But the police need to be involved. |
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| sue | Dec 6 2010, 10:26 AM Post #30 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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Don't know. How about looking up the number of some woman's abuse shelter and asking for advice. They will have dealt with this kind of thing many times and know exactly what steps she should take. |
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| apple | Dec 6 2010, 11:12 AM Post #31 |
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one of the angels
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I'd just stop by the police station with the info and talk to them. Our police here are wonderful. (i'd call the abuse shelter too for advice) |
| it behooves me to behold | |
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| Larry | Dec 6 2010, 12:04 PM Post #32 |
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
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Restraining orders are fine when dealing with someone who will care whether they get in more trouble or not. But if you're dealing with someone who says things like "if you try to leave me you're dead", all you're going to do is piss them off, and possibly push them to make the decision to just get their money's worth when they go to prison.. Leaving town for a few years would work, but that's the victim being made to suffer inconvenience because of the actions of the perp. So the restraining order might be worth trying first, but be prepared to leave if necessary - unless you know a couple of bikers who would be willing to adjust his perspective on life.. |
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Of the Pokatwat Tribe | |
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| Riley | Dec 6 2010, 12:07 PM Post #33 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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Oh, I work with some pretty rough people, and there's been offers. She won't go for it. One guy I work with is an ex-biker, and offered to go talk to him with some friends of his. He's an older guy, about 55 I'd say, but I sure wouldn't want to mess with him, and I'm sure his friends are just as intimidating. |
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| Frank_W | Dec 6 2010, 12:11 PM Post #34 |
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Resident Misanthrope
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I wish I lived nearby. I'd pay him a visit. I wouldn't even raise my voice, but I guarantee, he'd never bother her again. |
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Anatomy Prof: "The human body has about 20 sq. meters of skin." Me: "Man, that's a lot of lampshades!" | |
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| Friday | Dec 6 2010, 12:45 PM Post #35 |
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Senior Carp
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This is scary. Riley, you need to be carefull too. |
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| Lisa | Dec 6 2010, 01:13 PM Post #36 |
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Junior Carp
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If she'll read, buy her a copy of "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin de Becker. It's $8 on amazon. Perhaps it will work as a reality check for her -- the book is geared toward helping women protect themselves from violence and one of the things he drives home (over and over) is that while women fear the "rapist in the bushes", they are far more likely to be hurt or killed by people they love and have a relationship with. He's pretty blunt about what can happen when signals like this are ignored and maybe the statistics and stories he relates will impress some kind of urgency on her. Personally, I wouldn't bother with the police -- she can try, but I've seen too many situations where the restraining order just pissed the guy off further. And anyone who's lost perspective to the point that they're willing to throw their life away by killing someone isn't going to be stopped by a piece of paper. I'd work on getting away, anywhere he can't find me, ASAP. And yes, you watch out too -- if he fixates on you as someone who is coming between her and him, you'll end up being just as much a target for him as she is. |
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| Frank_W | Dec 6 2010, 01:18 PM Post #37 |
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Resident Misanthrope
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The police can't help if they don't know about the situation. That doesn't stop people in the aftermath, of screaming about the "worthless cops." TELL SOMEONE. i.e. The POLICE. That's what they are THERE for!
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Anatomy Prof: "The human body has about 20 sq. meters of skin." Me: "Man, that's a lot of lampshades!" | |
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| OperaTenor | Dec 6 2010, 01:19 PM Post #38 |
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Pisa-Carp
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Why on Earth is she worried about anonymity??? She needs to make his abusiveness a matter of public record before she becomes a death notice, for God's sake. |
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| sue | Dec 6 2010, 01:21 PM Post #39 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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I agree. Also agree that you need to say something even if she's not. I'm concerned about your part in this, Riley. |
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| KlavierBauer | Dec 6 2010, 01:34 PM Post #40 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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I agree with Frank, OT, and Sue. |
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"I realize you want him to touch you all over and give you babies, but his handling of the PR side really did screw the pooch." - Ivory Thumper "He said sleepily: "Don't worry mom, my dick is like hot logs in the morning." - Apple | |
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| jodi | Dec 6 2010, 02:48 PM Post #41 |
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Fulla-Carp
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Holy Crap. YOU need to talk to the police NOW. With or without her. Because like it or not, you are involved. This is WAY more than serious. This is the kind of crap you read about in the newspaper. After people are dead. Get your butt down to the police station! Edited by jodi, Dec 6 2010, 02:50 PM.
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Jodimy artlog ~ todayatmydesk.weebly.com | |
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| ivorythumper | Dec 6 2010, 03:44 PM Post #42 |
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I am so adjective that I verb nouns!
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Agreed, Jodi. |
| The dogma lives loudly within me. | |
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| brenda | Dec 6 2010, 04:26 PM Post #43 |
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..............
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+ 1,000 Riley, go to the police NOW. |
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“Weeds are flowers, too, once you get to know them.” ~A.A. Milne | |
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| MrsKB | Dec 6 2010, 04:55 PM Post #44 |
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Middle Aged Carp
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I agree with what's been said about notifying the authorities. Threats are never to be taken lightly. The choices are 1: do nothing, and the threats will continue and who knows what else. 2: Let the authorities know and at least you have a chance of someone helping you and your friend. Your friend is scared--totally understandable. But this guy is not acting/thinking rationally and could be even more dangerous than he has already shown. Empower your friend. She needs to know that this guy simply cannot continue to control her, and she needs to take some of the power back from him. And document EVERYTHING--if she has bruises or marks from him, take pictures. I don't know what her living situation is, but she should be alone as little as possible. This guy is way out of control and needs help. Tell her you'll go to the authorities with her--that you'll be there to "hold her hand" because it's an extremely hard thing to do. But it's better than the alternative--for both of you. Please keep us posted--we worry about you!!
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| Winning is a habit. Watch your thoughts, they become your beliefs. Watch your beliefs, they become your words. Watch your words, they become your actions. Watch your actions, they become your habits. Watch your habits, they become your character. ~Vince Lombardi | |
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| Mikhailoh | Dec 6 2010, 05:24 PM Post #45 |
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If you want trouble, find yourself a redhead
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I kind of like the biker idea, myself. Guys like that are at heart cowards and the certain knowledge of grievous bodily harm and intense pain is usually a good deterrent. Unfortunately, based on her behavior my prediction is she goes back to him. Stay clear of someone who will not help herself. |
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Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead - Lucille Ball | |
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| Jolly | Dec 6 2010, 06:13 PM Post #46 |
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Geaux Tigers!
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Seen some weird stuff revolve around situations like this, including one of my coworkers getting killed on the job. I'd certainly have her talk to the police. If the guy is rational at all, they might be able to put a little fear into him. And maybe it stops right there. OTOH, if I were her, I'd become much less a creature of habit and at the very least I'd be packing mace or pepper spray. Be prepared for the worst, and be pleasantly surprised if it never happens.... |
| The main obstacle to a stable and just world order is the United States.- George Soros | |
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| Riley | Dec 6 2010, 07:16 PM Post #47 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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I was at work this evening, and she texted me saying. "I miss him. What if this is all my fault." I immediately went out into the hallway to call her, and explained that it is absolutely not her fault, and while it is normal to have that feeling due to the length of their relationship, the absolute worst thing to do would be to call him and tell him she misses him, which it sounded like she was thinking about doing. I reminded her about the death threats, and she said "I feel like it's all my fault like maybe he was just mad." I made her promise not to call him or answer any of his calls, and she just called me to tell me a friend is coming over, which is good, because from what she's told me this friend has been telling her the same things as me. She's not in the right state of mind right now, and I'm so stressed out right now and feeling sick with worry. |
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| KlavierBauer | Dec 6 2010, 07:22 PM Post #48 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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You may be very limited in your ability to help here - I would really limit your involvement as much as you want to help. He certainly won't see it as helpful - and she likely will not either, if she already feels as though this is her fault, and misses him. You are right to care, and to be concerned, but I would warn against becoming too personally involved if you're the only one of the two of you whose genuinely concerned about her safety. |
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"I realize you want him to touch you all over and give you babies, but his handling of the PR side really did screw the pooch." - Ivory Thumper "He said sleepily: "Don't worry mom, my dick is like hot logs in the morning." - Apple | |
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| apple | Dec 6 2010, 07:24 PM Post #49 |
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one of the angels
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jeez Riley... think carefully. |
| it behooves me to behold | |
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| Mark | Dec 6 2010, 07:28 PM Post #50 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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OMG. Run Riley. To the police. NOW! You need to protect yourself in all of this. Even if she is unwilling to protect herself, you are involved and this guy knows who you and can find out a whole lot more. I agree with everyone here. You simply must report this. |
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___.___ (_]===* o 0 When I see an adult on a bicycle, I do not despair for the future of the human race. H.G. Wells | |
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TELL SOMEONE. i.e. The POLICE. That's what they are THERE for!
Jodi


11:05 AM Jul 11