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Stalker
Topic Started: Dec 6 2010, 12:22 AM (1,447 Views)
Riley
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HOLY CARP!!!
One of my best friends, a girl I work with, was in an abusive relationship for four years, which started when she was 14. On Thursday, she told him it's over, and he has been calling and texting her constantly since then, which she's been ignoring. She had a feeling he would wait for her outside of work, since he knows what time she finishes. She spoke with our manager, and decided she would leave half an hour early for the next few weeks. On Fridays, we work until 9:30pm, so she left at 9:00. She sent me pictures of his car and asked me to walk around the building at 9:30 and look to see if he was there. He wasn't. On Saturday, she was given a ride home and went in a back entrance to her apartment building. A friend saw his car parked in front of the building around 5:00, which is when she gets off on Saturdays.

On Sunday, we finish at 4:00, so she left at 3:30. She walked out of the building and saw his car parked across the street. She quickly came back up and told me, as well as the manager. Someone took her out the back exit, and made sure she got on a bus, and the manager and I went outside to watch if he left, which he didn't When I left work at 4:00 his car was still there. A couple minutes later he drove off. When she got off the bus he was there waiting for her, and they had another disagreement, during which he hit her again.

Last week, she and I went together to a company event, and at the time they were still together. He asked who she was going with and she said "Riley". He asked "Who the hell is Riley?" and she replied "A friend from work." She assumes he looked me up on Facebook, because when I went downstairs, he texted her something like "Your friend Riley warned you I'm here didn't he." I had only ever seen pictures of him, but when I left work at 4:00, he rolled down his window and looked right at me.

The whole situation is so messed up, and now I'm not only worried for her safety, but I feel like I need to be watching out for this asshole.
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Mikhailoh
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If you want trouble, find yourself a redhead
You need the authorities in on this, Riley. This guy needs to know they are involved. It wouldn't be a bad idea to be carrying your choice of personal defense, be that mace, a taser, whatever. It's always a good idea to have a big long heavy maglight flashlight like police use in your car.
Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead - Lucille Ball
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apple
one of the angels
she needs to file a protection order ASAP..it takes a while at least in Kansas.

Filing a police report is the first step. She also needs to carefully record how, when and where it happens. She ought to buy some mace.

I had to file one once.. it was absolutely awful.. the police dog training academy actually gave me a dog (who chewed up my shoes).

This really makes me mad. You are so good to care Riley. Stay up on it and good luck.
it behooves me to behold
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Frank_W
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Resident Misanthrope
Yep. She needs to file an order of protection with the local Magistrate, Commissioner, or whatever the local equivalent is, in your area. And yes, she needs to keep careful records. As for personal protection, a can of mace or some kind of stun device works okay I guess, but her best bet is to vary her schedule and route to work, home, etc., and remain highly vigilant.
Anatomy Prof: "The human body has about 20 sq. meters of skin."
Me: "Man, that's a lot of lampshades!"
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Riley
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HOLY CARP!!!
I told her to get a restraining order, but she won't get police involved. If anything else happens I'll try to convince her again.
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Frank_W
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Resident Misanthrope
Can't help people who won't take the time to help themselves. :no: She doesn't even have to involve the police. If she just sees the Commissioner, Magistrate, or whomever holds an equivalent position, they can issue/sign the order of protection.
Anatomy Prof: "The human body has about 20 sq. meters of skin."
Me: "Man, that's a lot of lampshades!"
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sue
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HOLY CARP!!!
Riley
Dec 6 2010, 08:52 AM
I told her to get a restraining order, but she won't get police involved. If anything else happens I'll try to convince her again.
At the very least, convince her to document everything. Keep messages, etc.
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JBryan
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I am the grey one
This guy needs to be under a restraining order, pronto. Using your friend as a punching bag is only one of the first steps in a downward spiral.
"Any man who would make an X rated movie should be forced to take his daughter to see it". - John Wayne


There is a line we cross when we go from "I will believe it when I see it" to "I will see it when I believe it".


Henry II: I marvel at you after all these years. Still like a democratic drawbridge: going down for everybody.

Eleanor: At my age there's not much traffic anymore.

From The Lion in Winter.
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Riley
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HOLY CARP!!!
During their last in person argument he seemed to acknowledge the fact that they're done, and has only sent one text since then, I believe. Fingers crossed, I guess.
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Kincaid
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HOLY CARP!!!
Both of you continue to be hyper vigilant. Sadly, this psycho could show up suddenly long after the fact - you never know what can set one of these guys off.
Kincaid - disgusted Republican Partisan since 2006.
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Riley
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HOLY CARP!!!
Kincaid
Dec 6 2010, 09:35 AM
Both of you continue to be hyper vigilant. Sadly, this psycho could show up suddenly long after the fact - you never know what can set one of these guys off.
Luckily he's got a pretty recognizable car... a pimped out Infiniti G35.
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KlavierBauer
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HOLY CARP!!!
Agree with everyone above - With the history of abuse it's very easy to get the restraining order - especially if there's a paper trail documenting it. If he hits her during an argument, she absolutely HAS to involve the police, and she can do the paperwork she needs for the restraining order while he's sleeping in the cooler.
I understand the hesitancy to involve the police, but the only option is not involving them, which doesn't help. He's not going to be nicer because there aren't police - he's already demonstrated that.

At very least though - she should pursue a restraining order. In some states, they've made this harder to obtain without evidence. You used to ask for one, and get one, and in lots of situations there were men with ROs against them for doing literally nothing, and not being allowed to go to work for example, because the other party worked in the same place. That lead to things getting a little tighter (again, not necessarily everywhere).
I guess that's all just to say, I'd encourage her to involve the police if there's threat of physical harm. It may make obtaining the RO easier, and it may make the two of you feel safer, knowing that the police are aware of the guy, and aware of the history.
"I realize you want him to touch you all over and give you babies, but his handling of the PR side really did screw the pooch." - Ivory Thumper
"He said sleepily: "Don't worry mom, my dick is like hot logs in the morning." - Apple

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Riley
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HOLY CARP!!!
She just called.. he had just called her and said something along the lines of. "You're dead if you don't stop your stubbornness. If you're not with me you can't be with anyone."
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KlavierBauer
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HOLY CARP!!!
Police - pronto.
"I realize you want him to touch you all over and give you babies, but his handling of the PR side really did screw the pooch." - Ivory Thumper
"He said sleepily: "Don't worry mom, my dick is like hot logs in the morning." - Apple

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Optimistic
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HOLY CARP!!!
Well, you can´t get much clearer than that. Gotta get the police involved. Unfortunately you´ve been drawn into this, but I think you kind of have a responsibility now (as a friend) to make sure that she gets the authorities involved.
PHOTOS

I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week, sometimes, to make it up.
- Mark Twain


We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.
-T. S. Eliot
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1hp
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Fulla-Carp

From the numbers you gave, she is 18 years old. Does she still live at home with her parents?
There are 10 kinds of people in this world, those that understand binary and................
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KlavierBauer
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HOLY CARP!!!
I agree with Opti - in fact, you may have to get them involved yourself.
"I realize you want him to touch you all over and give you babies, but his handling of the PR side really did screw the pooch." - Ivory Thumper
"He said sleepily: "Don't worry mom, my dick is like hot logs in the morning." - Apple

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Riley
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HOLY CARP!!!
1hp
Dec 6 2010, 09:52 AM
From the numbers you gave, she is 18 years old. Does she still live at home with her parents?
Her dad passed away a few years ago. She lives with her mom.
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KlavierBauer
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HOLY CARP!!!
Riley - she was 14 when this began - how old was he?

There might be statutory rape charges to be thrown in here too... Not sure where you live, or what the statue of limitations is - but this is info that might help along the way.
"I realize you want him to touch you all over and give you babies, but his handling of the PR side really did screw the pooch." - Ivory Thumper
"He said sleepily: "Don't worry mom, my dick is like hot logs in the morning." - Apple

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Riley
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HOLY CARP!!!
KlavierBauer
Dec 6 2010, 09:57 AM
Riley - she was 14 when this began - how old was he?
15.
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1hp
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Fulla-Carp

Has she talked to her mother? If not, she should really also let her mother know what is happening.
There are 10 kinds of people in this world, those that understand binary and................
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ivorythumper
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I am so adjective that I verb nouns!
Police. You *need* to convince her of this.
The dogma lives loudly within me.
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Frank_W
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Resident Misanthrope
POLICE. NOW!!

In Pennsylvania a couple of years ago, there was a woman who had been living with her boyfriend. She went back to his place to pick up the rest of her belongings after they split up. The split had been amiable. This time, he was waiting for her with a crowbar. Her funeral had to be held closed-casket.
Anatomy Prof: "The human body has about 20 sq. meters of skin."
Me: "Man, that's a lot of lampshades!"
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Riley
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HOLY CARP!!!
She's talking about moving to Chicago to stay with family asap.
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JBryan
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I am the grey one
Death threats are nothing to fool around with. She neeeds to report this to the police.
"Any man who would make an X rated movie should be forced to take his daughter to see it". - John Wayne


There is a line we cross when we go from "I will believe it when I see it" to "I will see it when I believe it".


Henry II: I marvel at you after all these years. Still like a democratic drawbridge: going down for everybody.

Eleanor: At my age there's not much traffic anymore.

From The Lion in Winter.
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