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| female demerit system | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Nov 29 2010, 08:41 PM (328 Views) | |
| bachophile | Nov 29 2010, 08:41 PM Post #1 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played. Here is a guide to the point system: SIMPLE DUTIES You make the bed (+1) You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0) You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1) You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) in the rain (+8) But return with Beer (-5) You check out a suspicious noise at night (+1) You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0) You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5) You pummel it with iron rod (+10) It's her pet (-20) SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS You stay by her side the entire party (0) You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with an old school friend (-2) Named Tina (-10) Tina is a dancer (-20) Tina has silicone implants (-80) HER BIRTHDAY You take her out to dinner (+2) You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+3) Okay, it's a sports bar (-2) And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3) It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team (-10) A NIGHT OUT You take her to a movie (+1) You take her to a movie she likes (+3) You take her to a movie you hate (+6) You take her to a movie you like (-2) It's called 'Death Cop' (-3) You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15) YOUR PHYSIQUE You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15) You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10) You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30) You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-8000) THE BIG QUESTION She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) (Yes, you lose points no matter what) You hesitate in responding (-10) You reply, "Where?" (-35) Any other response (-20) COMMUNICATION When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression (0) You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50) You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500) She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-4000) |
| "I don't know much about classical music. For years I thought the Goldberg Variations were something Mr. and Mrs. Goldberg did on their wedding night." Woody Allen | |
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| Aqua Letifer | Nov 29 2010, 08:47 PM Post #2 |
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ZOOOOOM!
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| I cite irreconcilable differences. | |
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| ivorythumper | Nov 29 2010, 09:40 PM Post #3 |
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I am so adjective that I verb nouns!
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I think this is fundamentally flawed. No matter what you do for her is 1 point. Make the bed (+1) Bring her flowers (+1) Buy her a diamond necklace (+1) Fly her to Paris for a romantic dinner atop the Eiffel Tower serenaded by Josh Groban (+1) All the negative values are accurate. |
| The dogma lives loudly within me. | |
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| Frank_W | Nov 30 2010, 06:16 AM Post #4 |
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Resident Misanthrope
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![]() Beating Josh Groban to death with an iron rod (-4)
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Anatomy Prof: "The human body has about 20 sq. meters of skin." Me: "Man, that's a lot of lampshades!" | |
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| brenda | Nov 30 2010, 11:35 AM Post #5 |
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..............
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Shall I share this with hubby? Hmmm....
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“Weeds are flowers, too, once you get to know them.” ~A.A. Milne | |
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| sue | Nov 30 2010, 12:23 PM Post #6 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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no way. +5 at least. |
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| Frank_W | Nov 30 2010, 12:28 PM Post #7 |
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Resident Misanthrope
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I made it a demerit, only because having him sing was listed as positive, but the demerit was only slight.
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Anatomy Prof: "The human body has about 20 sq. meters of skin." Me: "Man, that's a lot of lampshades!" | |
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| musicasacra | Nov 30 2010, 12:32 PM Post #8 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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+ 5 at least
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| ivorythumper | Nov 30 2010, 12:36 PM Post #9 |
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I am so adjective that I verb nouns!
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Another reason I love you
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| The dogma lives loudly within me. | |
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| apple | Nov 30 2010, 12:57 PM Post #10 |
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one of the angels
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-8000 haha ha |
| it behooves me to behold | |
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| Mikhailoh | Nov 30 2010, 03:03 PM Post #11 |
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If you want trouble, find yourself a redhead
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He already knows. Trust me. |
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Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead - Lucille Ball | |
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| brenda | Nov 30 2010, 03:33 PM Post #12 |
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..............
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Hubby and daughter think this list is hysterical.
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“Weeds are flowers, too, once you get to know them.” ~A.A. Milne | |
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+ 5 at least
Another reason I love you
10:59 PM Jul 12