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A Southern Fishing Story; for Jolly
Topic Started: Aug 16 2010, 06:40 AM (228 Views)
Mikhailoh
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If you want trouble, find yourself a redhead
Jack Daniels Fishing Story

I went fishing this morning but after a short time I ran out of worms. Then I saw a cottonmouth with a frog in his mouth. Frogs are good bass bait.

Knowing the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in his mouth I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog, and put it in my bait bucket.

Now the dilemma was how to release the snake without getting bit. So, I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniels and poured a little whiskey in its mouth. His eyes rolled back, he went limp. I released him into the lake without incident and carried on fishing using the frog.

A little later, I felt a nudge on my foot. There was that same snake with two more frogs in his mouth.

Life is good in the South
Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead - Lucille Ball
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big al
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Bull-Carp
Quote:
 
A young guy from Texas moves to California and goes to a big mega-department store looking for a job.

The manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says, "Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Texas."

Well, the boss liked the kid so he gave him the job. "You can start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down.

"How many sales did you make today?" the boss asked.

The kid says, "One."

The boss says, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 sales a day.

How much was the sale for?"

The kid says, $101,237.64."

The boss says, $101,237.64? What the hell did you sell?"

The kid says, "First I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fish hook. Then I sold him a larger fish hook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked! him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him that twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4 x 4 Blazer."

The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and truck?"

The kid says, "No, he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife and I said, "Well, your weekend's shot -- you might as well go fishing."


Big Al
Location: Western PA

"jesu, der simcha fun der man's farlangen."
-bachophile
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big al
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Bull-Carp
One for Brenda...

Quote:
 
Ice Fishing

A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally, after getting all the necessary items together, she made for the nearest frozen lake.After positioning her footstool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice.

Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!" Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice and began to cut yet another hole. Again,from the heavens, the voice bellowed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"

The blonde, now quite worried, moved way down to the opposite end of the ice, set up her stool, and tried again to cut her hole. The voice came once more: "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!" She stopped, looked skyward,and said, "Is that you, Lord?" The voice replied, "No, I'm the Ice-Rink Manager!"


Big Al
Location: Western PA

"jesu, der simcha fun der man's farlangen."
-bachophile
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big al
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Bull-Carp
Another for Brenda...

Quote:
 
NEVER argue with a woman.

A couple goes on vacation to a fishing resort in northern Minnesota. The husband likes to fish at the crack of dawn. The wife likes to read.

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and continues to read her book. Along comes a game warden in his boat.

He pulls up alongside the woman and says "Good morning Ma'am. What are you doing?"

"I'm reading a book. (thinking "isn't that obvious?")

"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.

"I'm sorry officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading."

"Yes, but you have all the equipment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.

But I haven't even touched you," says the man.

"That's true, but you have all the equipment."


MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.


Big Al
Location: Western PA

"jesu, der simcha fun der man's farlangen."
-bachophile
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Jolly
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Geaux Tigers!
Ribbet. Ribbet. :lol2:
The main obstacle to a stable and just world order is the United States.- George Soros
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brenda
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..............
big al
Aug 16 2010, 06:57 AM
Another for Brenda...

Quote:
 
NEVER argue with a woman.

A couple goes on vacation to a fishing resort in northern Minnesota. The husband likes to fish at the crack of dawn. The wife likes to read.

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and continues to read her book. Along comes a game warden in his boat.

He pulls up alongside the woman and says "Good morning Ma'am. What are you doing?"

"I'm reading a book. (thinking "isn't that obvious?")

"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.

"I'm sorry officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading."

"Yes, but you have all the equipment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.

But I haven't even touched you," says the man.

"That's true, but you have all the equipment."


MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.


Big Al
:lol2: :lol2: :lol2:

I'd not heard or read this one before!

Thanks, Al! :wave:
“Weeds are flowers, too, once you get to know them.”
~A.A. Milne
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