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| a hard few days | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Jul 28 2010, 04:43 AM (426 Views) | |
| apple | Jul 28 2010, 04:43 AM Post #1 |
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one of the angels
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y'all have heard me talk about my relatives before.. the ones who come from Wisconsin and crash at Grandpa's for a month in the winter. They are not all bad. Jeanne is the best conversationalist if she is telling her stories, very entertaining with an endless supply of anecdotes. Doug is brilliant, loud and used to being a dominant male. Doug married Jeanne when her husband died in a fire. She had 3 kids then, twins and an older girl. He's raised those kids as if they were his own and together, he and Jeanne adopted Dustin. They owned a motel for 10 years in LaCrosse and now own a farm up in Amish country with a couple big barns. They scrounge and are looking for anything metal for the scrapster, or of value to sell. perhaps you've heard that 'Grandpa' has died. He is Kim's father. We bought property from him, built our house next to his and have cooked for him since 1995. His wife had Parkinson's for a long long time. She lingered in disability for 5 years and he lovingly cared for her. Kim's family would go on vacation and leave her with me and Klara and I was fine with that.. better than vacating with my inlaws. I really loved Grandpa. I don't know why I called him that... i didn't want to call him Mark or Dad.. that name just happened. he was absolutely brilliant, so creative and inventive and so calm and joyful.. i was so fortunate to have him as a companion. he came into my life big time when my own father died and has pretty much been my constant companion. we mowed the property together and fixed stuff. I saved him from a stroke 8 years ago, but that is another very funny and tragic story. Unless one of his other kids would take him on vacation he was with me and my kids. he ate everynite with us and came to my family's functions. birthdays, holidays, etc. his kids have no idea how close we were. they probably thought i thought he was a burden. His oldest daughter has been marvelous at caring for him in his dotage. She took him to Texas and Florida so he could enjoy the warmth instead of the harsh midwestern winters. She took him to the doctor and helped extend his life to 92 years. She is a marvelous caregiver and helped her mother, sister and brother die. She couldn't be there for her Dad tho.. and left town for me to cope - she couldn't bear to see him pass on. As a last, hasty thought she invited Doug and Jeanne down to help me out, knowing i was busy with moving. Doug and Jeanne thought it was an opportunity for a big party. they invited all their Kansas City friends over, had their kids come down from La Crosse and drank his liquor and beer that was left. The first day they were here, I helped Grandpa wake up.. a 90 minute process. The 2nd day, they said they'd do it and locked me out. I went over about 11.30 and Grandpa was still in bed.... He was supposed to get up and have a regular nebulizer treatment, his meds and eat. He was covered in his own filth and just crying. It was so sad. I called Kim (mr. apple) and we cleaned him up, got him his breathing treatment which he was frantic for got him to the table. I didn't say anything but i was absolutely furious. Embedded in their neglect was a territorial 'we'll do things our way' type of statement.. i guess they didn't know he was going to die. Grandpa was in under the care of hospice and they delivered comfort drugs. They wanted to shoot him up and put him out of his misery and Grandpa wanted to stay awake and remain healthy enough to visit with his little brothers and sisters who were coming the next day. He clung to me in his misery. He would have been able to breathe ok if he had been on schedule, but, it was a rough day. He did get through it tho and bounced almost back to his self by the evening. The next day he had a marvelous visit with his siblings.. he visited all day, talking and laughing himself to exhaustion. They 'let' me put him to bed because they knew I'd blow my top and tell everyone how they let him lie in his own filth while they ate and watched morning television. Grandpa really didn't wake up after that day of visiting.. We gave him some morphine at his request and he was peacefully resting when he passed. His daughter came back from vacation and blamed me for his death. I think that she was shocked that he actually died while she was taking a break and tho she drives me bats she is a good woman and loves me. I was with him for his last 50 hours.. slept in the bed next to his hospital bed, monitored his drugs and such. I could just scream I miss him so much. I could just scream. |
| it behooves me to behold | |
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| Axtremus | Jul 28 2010, 04:56 AM Post #2 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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You are a good person, Apple. My condolences.
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| Mikhailoh | Jul 28 2010, 05:00 AM Post #3 |
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If you want trouble, find yourself a redhead
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apple, I'm so sorry you lost your FIL, and so glad for you that you rose, as always, above what others did or did not do. That's character. No one treats you better or worse than family. You're the former. |
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Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead - Lucille Ball | |
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| Phlebas | Jul 28 2010, 05:00 AM Post #4 |
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Bull-Carp
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Very sorry to hear that Apple. I didn't know "Grandpa" passed away. My condolences. |
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Random FML: Today, I was fired by my boss in front of my coworkers. It would have been nice if I could have left the building before they started celebrating. FML The founding of the bulk of the world's nation states post 1914 is based on self-defined nationalisms. The bulk of those national movements involve territory that was ethnically mixed. The foundation of many of those nation states involved population movements in the aftermath. When the only one that is repeatedly held up as unjust and unjustifiable is the Zionist project, the term anti-semitism may very well be appropriate. - P*D | |
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| JBryan | Jul 28 2010, 05:21 AM Post #5 |
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I am the grey one
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I remember meeting him and how much he liked the ragtime I played. A marvelous gentleman who will be missed. Sorry for your loss. |
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"Any man who would make an X rated movie should be forced to take his daughter to see it". - John Wayne There is a line we cross when we go from "I will believe it when I see it" to "I will see it when I believe it". Henry II: I marvel at you after all these years. Still like a democratic drawbridge: going down for everybody. Eleanor: At my age there's not much traffic anymore. From The Lion in Winter. | |
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| blondie | Jul 28 2010, 05:23 AM Post #6 |
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Bull-Carp
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Oh dear. I'm so sorry for you Apple. You loved him so much.
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| PattyP | Jul 28 2010, 06:20 AM Post #7 |
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Senior Carp
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Mary, I understand. My deepest condolences. It's okay to scream. |
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A tired dog is a good dog. "Dogs' lives are too short...their only fault, really." A.S. Turnbull | |
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| Jolly | Jul 28 2010, 06:32 AM Post #8 |
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Geaux Tigers!
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Not all angels have wings. |
| The main obstacle to a stable and just world order is the United States.- George Soros | |
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| KlavierBauer | Jul 28 2010, 06:58 AM Post #9 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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Sorry to hear this sad news Apple. Scream a bit, I find it helps. |
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"I realize you want him to touch you all over and give you babies, but his handling of the PR side really did screw the pooch." - Ivory Thumper "He said sleepily: "Don't worry mom, my dick is like hot logs in the morning." - Apple | |
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| George K | Jul 28 2010, 07:49 AM Post #10 |
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Finally
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Oh, my. So sorry to hear this Apple. Be strong, but cry if you need to. |
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A guide to GKSR: Click "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08 Nothing is as effective as homeopathy. I'd rather listen to an hour of Abba than an hour of The Beatles. - Klaus, 4/29/18 | |
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| Mark | Jul 28 2010, 08:03 AM Post #11 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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___.___ (_]===* o 0 When I see an adult on a bicycle, I do not despair for the future of the human race. H.G. Wells | |
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| Optimistic | Jul 28 2010, 09:28 AM Post #12 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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So sorry to hear, apple. Not everybody can be so selfless in caring for people whose needs are so great. Its sounds like you helped your "grandpa" feel very loved in his last few years and days. |
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PHOTOS I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week, sometimes, to make it up. - Mark Twain We shall not cease from exploration And the end of all our exploring Will be to arrive where we started And know the place for the first time. -T. S. Eliot | |
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| musicasacra | Jul 28 2010, 10:16 AM Post #13 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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I'm sorry Apple.
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| Kincaid | Jul 28 2010, 10:19 AM Post #14 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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I keep coming back to this thread trying to find words. I am sorry for your loss and all the side issues that went with it. God bless you for devotion. My condolences to Mr. Apple. Praise God that "Grandpa" got to have a last, long and good visit before he was finished.
Edited by Kincaid, Jul 28 2010, 10:20 AM.
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| Kincaid - disgusted Republican Partisan since 2006. | |
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| John D'Oh | Jul 28 2010, 10:21 AM Post #15 |
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MAMIL
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I'm sorry, Apple, and my condolences for your sad loss.
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| What do you mean "we", have you got a mouse in your pocket? | |
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| Friday | Jul 28 2010, 12:35 PM Post #16 |
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Senior Carp
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Apple you are such an inspiration. Scream as loud as you can. He is worth that. |
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| brenda | Jul 28 2010, 04:14 PM Post #17 |
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..............
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What a blessing you two were for each other. Your devotion to your FIL was a grand thing in today's world. I'm glad you had each other for as long as you did. There will be many wonderful and sustaining memories in those times shared. Be good to yourself and share our support with your hubby and family. God bless all of you.
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“Weeds are flowers, too, once you get to know them.” ~A.A. Milne | |
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| LWpianistin | Jul 28 2010, 04:35 PM Post #18 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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My condolences to your family. From your description, I imagine a loving, knowledgable and fun man. A to Grandpa.
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| And how are you today? | |
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| Improviso | Jul 28 2010, 04:41 PM Post #19 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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Condolences apple.... How's Ed doing with this? |
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Identifying narcissists isn't difficult. Just look for the person who is constantly fishing for compliments and admiration while breaking down over even the slightest bit of criticism. We have the freedom to choose our actions, but we do not get to choose our consequences. | |
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| Horace | Jul 28 2010, 05:30 PM Post #20 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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Sorry to hear this apple.
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| As a good person, I implore you to do as I, a good person, do. Be good. Do NOT be bad. If you see bad, end bad. End it in yourself, and end it in others. By any means necessary, the good must conquer the bad. Good people know this. Do you know this? Are you good? | |
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| Dewey | Jul 28 2010, 06:41 PM Post #21 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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Apple, I'm so sorry for your loss.
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"By nature, i prefer brevity." - John Calvin, Institutes of the Christian Religion, p. 685. "Never waste your time trying to explain yourself to people who are committed to misunderstanding you." - Anonymous "Oh sure, every once in a while a turd floated by, but other than that it was just fine." - Joe A., 2011 I'll answer your other comments later, but my primary priority for the rest of the evening is to get drunk." - Klaus, 12/31/14 | |
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to Grandpa.


5:03 PM Jul 10