Welcome Guest [Log In] [Register]
Welcome to The New Coffee Room. We hope you enjoy your visit.


You're currently viewing our forum as a guest. This means you are limited to certain areas of the board and there are some features you can't use. If you join our community, you'll be able to access member-only sections, and use many member-only features such as customizing your profile, sending personal messages, and voting in polls. Registration is simple, fast, and completely free.


Join our community!


If you're already a member please log in to your account to access all of our features:

Username:   Password:
Add Reply
Southern, by the Grace of God
Topic Started: Jul 21 2010, 06:14 AM (209 Views)
Jolly
Member Avatar
Geaux Tigers!
I think I've posted this chestnut before, but it's worth a chuckle...





Are you a Democrat, a Republican, or a Southerner?




Here is a little test that will help you decide.



The answer can be found by posing the following question:

You're walking down a
deserted street with your wife
and two small children.

Suddenly, an Islamic
Terrorist with a huge knife
comes around the corner,
locks eyes with you,
screams obscenities, praises
Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you...

You are carrying a
Kimber 1911 cal. 45 ACP, and you are an expert shot.
You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.
What do you do?




THINK CAREFULLY AND
THEN SCROLL DOWN:



Democrat's Answer:

* Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!
* Does the man look poor or oppressed?
* Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
* Could we run away?
* What does my wife think?
* What about the kids?
* Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
* What does the law say about this situation?
* Does the pistol have appropriate safety built into it?
* Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?
* Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?
* Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
* If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?
* Should I call 9-1-1?
* Why is this street so deserted?
* We need to raise taxes, have paint & weed day.
* Can we make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.
* I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus.
* This is all so confusing!


.................................................. ..........................

Republican's Answer:

BANG!



.................................................. .....................




Southerner's Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG ! BANG! BANG! BANG!
Click..... (Sounds of reloading)
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG!
BANG!
BANG!
Click

Daughter: 'Nice grouping, Daddy!'
'Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Golden Sabre Hollow Points?! '

Son: 'Can I shoot the next one?!'

Wife: 'You ain't taking that to the Taxidermist!
The main obstacle to a stable and just world order is the United States.- George Soros
Online Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Phlebas
Member Avatar
Bull-Carp
Republicans must be good shots. Killed him in one.
Random FML: Today, I was fired by my boss in front of my coworkers. It would have been nice if I could have left the building before they started celebrating. FML

The founding of the bulk of the world's nation states post 1914 is based on self-defined nationalisms. The bulk of those national movements involve territory that was ethnically mixed. The foundation of many of those nation states involved population movements in the aftermath. When the only one that is repeatedly held up as unjust and unjustifiable is the Zionist project, the term anti-semitism may very well be appropriate. - P*D


Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
LWpianistin
Member Avatar
HOLY CARP!!!
I'm a republican.
And how are you today?
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
LWpianistin
Member Avatar
HOLY CARP!!!
Phlebas
Jul 21 2010, 06:36 AM
Republicans must be good shots. Killed him in one.
It says "you're an expert shot".

And if he's right in front of you, it would likely only take one shot.
And how are you today?
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Chris Aher
Member Avatar
Middle Aged Carp
Brooklyn answer:

Grab nearest implement of destruction. (garbage can lid will do)
Slam repeatedly until said terrorist falls.
Perform impromptu proctology with his own knife.
Note: this must be done while informing him of your opinion of his mother's proficiency in her most ancient of occupations. (in the proper accent, of course)

Net result: same as Southern without wasting ammo. :)

PS I suspect that many Southerners would implement their own variation on the above Brooklyn solution.
Edited by Chris Aher, Jul 21 2010, 07:17 AM.
Regards,
Chris
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Larry
Member Avatar
Mmmmmmm, pie!
Southerner.



Jolly, you left 3 rounds in the last clip.....
Of the Pokatwat Tribe

Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Phlebas
Member Avatar
Bull-Carp
Chris Aher
Jul 21 2010, 07:14 AM
Brooklyn answer:

Grab nearest implement of destruction. (garbage can lid will do)
Slam repeatedly until said terrorist falls.
Perform impromptu proctology with his own knife.
Note: this must be done while informing him of your opinion of his mother's proficiency in her most ancient of occupations. (in the proper accent, of course)

Net result: same as Southern without wasting ammo. :)

PS I suspect that many Southerners would implement their own variation on the above Brooklyn solution.
Hey, that's a lot like the Bronx answer.
Random FML: Today, I was fired by my boss in front of my coworkers. It would have been nice if I could have left the building before they started celebrating. FML

The founding of the bulk of the world's nation states post 1914 is based on self-defined nationalisms. The bulk of those national movements involve territory that was ethnically mixed. The foundation of many of those nation states involved population movements in the aftermath. When the only one that is repeatedly held up as unjust and unjustifiable is the Zionist project, the term anti-semitism may very well be appropriate. - P*D


Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Chris Aher
Member Avatar
Middle Aged Carp
Phlebas
Jul 21 2010, 07:44 AM
Chris Aher
Jul 21 2010, 07:14 AM
Brooklyn answer:

Grab nearest implement of destruction. (garbage can lid will do)
Slam repeatedly until said terrorist falls.
Perform impromptu proctology with his own knife.
Note: this must be done while informing him of your opinion of his mother's proficiency in her most ancient of occupations. (in the proper accent, of course)

Net result: same as Southern without wasting ammo. :)

PS I suspect that many Southerners would implement their own variation on the above Brooklyn solution.
Hey, that's a lot like the Bronx answer.
Absolutely!

The only significant difference between Brooklyn and the Bronx is the term we use to describe Manhattan. In Brooklyn we say 'the city" in the Bronx, you say "downtown" :)

Hey Jolly, I suspect that this may also suffice as a Cajun solution, with a different accent, of course! :
Edited by Chris Aher, Jul 21 2010, 07:52 AM.
Regards,
Chris
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Piano*Dad
Member Avatar
Bull-Carp
My answer:

Why on earth would I want to be walking around with a Kimber 1911 instead of something lighter and more accurate!
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
ZetaBoards - Free Forum Hosting
Free Forums. Reliable service with over 8 years of experience.
Learn More · Register for Free
« Previous Topic · The New Coffee Room · Next Topic »
Add Reply