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Wah!
Topic Started: Jul 18 2010, 10:09 AM (354 Views)
Optimistic
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HOLY CARP!!!
I feel kinda like poop today, just need to throw out some grievances.

*Iīm really, really over the host family situation. The end of this month will be the end of the obligatory time to live with a family, but so far I havenīt moved to another housing opportunity. Itīs really difficult going from living on your own for many years (I donīt mean alone, but rather taking care of yourself) to living with a family that feels they need to feed you (even though youīve told them you will be preparing your own meals, thank you), tell you how to wash your clothes, and advise you on other basic living tasks. I know weīre supposed to be sharing cultures here, but sometimes the comments about how/why/when I do things are just critical and annoying, and all I want to do is just cook my food or wash my clothes as Iīve known how for many years now. I love the kids, but sometimes they are just up my ass way too much -- they are bored, on winter vacation, thereīs nothing to do and the parents donīt do anything with them, so I understand why. I set boundaries, shut my door, tell them itīs "me" time, but then feel guilty later when Iīm feeling like Iīve been doing a lot of "me" time. I know "me" time is important, of course, and definitely donīt deny myself it when I need it. Doesnīt stop the guilt, though, especially "down" times like now, when I require more of it.

*I was supposed to give a teacher workshop a little over a week ago. I prepared all the materials, planned out the schedule, made photocopies (which costs a fair amount of money here), and even freaking baked cookies the night before. I got sick that night and was in bed all the next day, and one of the guys from our school had to fill in for me. I got the impression when I saw him the next day that he thought I was faking, or chickened out or something, and this was confirmed by my host mom (a teacher) who filled me in on his comments that day to all the teachers. What a jerk off. I was so mad, and luckily it seems like most teachers would be on my side on this, but Iīm really frustrated that I did all that work, got really excited about it, and now it sounds like we wonīt be able to have it (at least not the one as I had planned it). Not to mention, the majority of the teachers there were ones from other schools that I have not yet met, so their first impression of me is coming from the comments of that jerk off. I shouldnīt let all this crap bother me, but it is bothering me.

*This is just a weird kind of transition period in general. Weīre told by Peace Corps to take it slow in the beginning, get to know the community and people first before jumping into work. Weīre reaching the point now where the novelty of our being in site has worn off, and people are just kind of wondering "Ok, so what the hell are you here for anyway?" We had to fill out a work plan the other day (a PC formality), and get it signed by our community contact (in my case, my host dad, the vice-director at school). Comments that were made gave me the impression they think I donīt do anything, and that by now I SHOULD have done something. Again, I shouldnīt let what they might think bother me, but it is.

*Iīve gained weight since Iīve been here, and no me gusta. Most of the girls do gain weight during training, and most eventually lose it. My weight always fluctuates a bit anyway, but the difference is that in the States you donīt have people you barely know making comments to you about it every day. They know it bothers me, but there are still comments here and there about how Iīm not skinny like I was when they first met me. I tell them I had been ill when I got here and was under my normal weight, but no importa. Usually all I have to do is go running and then it doesnīt bother me, but. . .

*Itīs been cold and rainy for the past 2 days, and supposed to continue all week. I donīt mind going out in the cold, and the rain doesnīt usually stop me from running, but here itīs just not possible. The roads are complete mud, and even walking is hard. So Iīm stuck in the house, along with some extremely bored kids and some irritable parents.

WAH!
Posted Image
PHOTOS

I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week, sometimes, to make it up.
- Mark Twain


We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.
-T. S. Eliot
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blondie
Bull-Carp
Sweet pea .. <<<<:hugs:>>>>

AND ... you WILL lose those pounds running. More so than you would if home. Good luck with your Half. Think of me @ 155 lbs slogging in Kauai as you train for yours in your humidity there. You'll sail twice as fast, and melt off twice as much. And yes, you WILL look & feel terrific when you come back home.

Take care eh.
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Phlebas
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Bull-Carp
Hang in there. This will pass. You'll be much better once you're in your own housing situation. There will be good times.
Random FML: Today, I was fired by my boss in front of my coworkers. It would have been nice if I could have left the building before they started celebrating. FML

The founding of the bulk of the world's nation states post 1914 is based on self-defined nationalisms. The bulk of those national movements involve territory that was ethnically mixed. The foundation of many of those nation states involved population movements in the aftermath. When the only one that is repeatedly held up as unjust and unjustifiable is the Zionist project, the term anti-semitism may very well be appropriate. - P*D


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Optimistic
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HOLY CARP!!!
Blondie -- actually, weīre in winter now, and the temps right now actually ARE fairly winter-like, in the single digits °C even during the day, and some places getting to about 0° at night. Iīve been able to see my breath in the house during the day. Makes for good running weather! (when itīs not raining like it has been, though) The race is Aug. 8th, and the weather could be winter-like or summer-like (well, not TOO summer-like, thankfully).

I know the weight will come off again. Itīs not even that much, really. Iīm just not used to people telling me I could stand to use a few, I guess. I always respond back, yeah, well at least I run and am healthy. They donīt seem to appreciate the value of that, though. <_<
PHOTOS

I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week, sometimes, to make it up.
- Mark Twain


We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.
-T. S. Eliot
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Optimistic
Member Avatar
HOLY CARP!!!
Phlebas
Jul 18 2010, 10:23 AM
You'll be much better once you're in your own housing situation.
YES. I am headed out now to talk with some people about just that.
PHOTOS

I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week, sometimes, to make it up.
- Mark Twain


We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.
-T. S. Eliot
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blondie
Bull-Carp
Wanna run in Kauai & I'll run where you are ?? ;) :D

Seriously, this will all work out for ya Opti. You're a darn good person & good people need to share their ups & downs. I'm glad you did today. :)

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musicasacra
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HOLY CARP!!!
Phlebas
Jul 18 2010, 10:23 AM
Hang in there. This will pass. You'll be much better once you're in your own housing situation. There will be good times.
+ 1

:hug:
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ivorythumper
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I am so adjective that I verb nouns!
Fvckin' Peace Corps.


:whome:

Hug for you Opti :hug:
The dogma lives loudly within me.
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Mikhailoh
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If you want trouble, find yourself a redhead
Big warm hugs from home. Hang in there - it'll get better, and you're doing a good thing. This is going to look SOOOO great on your resume when you are done.
Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead - Lucille Ball
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Horace
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HOLY CARP!!!
:hug: Hang in there Opti.
As a good person, I implore you to do as I, a good person, do. Be good. Do NOT be bad. If you see bad, end bad. End it in yourself, and end it in others. By any means necessary, the good must conquer the bad. Good people know this. Do you know this? Are you good?
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apple
one of the angels
here's a ((hug)) from Kansas
it behooves me to behold
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