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Halley Berry and the Monday poo mystery
Topic Started: Jul 5 2010, 11:26 AM (577 Views)
Aqua Letifer
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ZOOOOOM!
We share our backyard with a mom and pop business. The owners are cool enough people, and since our residence sits so close to their property line, we've over the past few months developed a cooperative relationship with our neighbors. They allow us to use their parking spaces when we have parties, and in return we allow them to use our back yard clothesline. No incidents thus far; it's been one lovely day in the neighborhood after another.

Until today, that is, when my roommate and I found a pile of **** placed on our front porch. A dog didn't leave his droppings there, its owner carried the payload to our front door: the poo sat on top of an 8.5 by 11 magazine spread of Halle Berry.

My roommate and I were struggling to interpret this. Obviously somebody left the poo pallet to communicate something. Do they want us to know they aren't big Halle Berry fans? Why the magazine page? My roommate took a picture for evidence before we cleaned up the porch, but we had no ideas so for the next few hours we forgot all about it.

Then we talked to roommate #3 and solved the mystery. It appears that the two kindly old shop owners aren't our only neighbors: their bastard kids live in the basement of the store. And they have a poorly supervised german shepard that likes to crap in our back yard.

Our other roommate found a fresh steamer on our back patio early in the morning, knew it was from the kids' dog across the way, and decided to return the droppings. He ripped out a magazine page, picked up the pile, and moved it to their property line. So apparently, the kids found the pile and moved it to our front porch, and wedged it between the screen and main door.

Obviously we had the beginnings of a personal conflict. A reasonable person might confront the store owners, and explain to them that he doesn't appreciate the disrespect and irresponsibility demonstrated by their children. But I live with four other guys, none of whom above the age of 28. Reasonable conflict resolution is not in our rolodex.

We noticed that there were some laundry items on our clothesline today. We use our dryer, so none of the stuff's ours, and our neighbor's business is closed today so we assume it all belongs to the kids.

:devilgrin:
I cite irreconcilable differences.
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Mikhailoh
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If you want trouble, find yourself a redhead
Just so you know, it was ME who put that there. You just killed us by not attacking Jon. :sword:
Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead - Lucille Ball
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apple
one of the angels
i'd just to talk to the owners.. let them know - there is nothing worse than unwanted dogshat. .. and the action taken by the kids was aggressive, undeserved and gross... totally uncalled for. there are poop laws, and you could file a complaint..

We used to have the neighborhood dogs meet in our backyard for the morning dump. we didn't even have a dog.
it behooves me to behold
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jon-nyc
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Cheers
Don't listen to Apple its too... too... too..... civilized.


Proceed with plan A, and report back. Preferably with photos.
In my defense, I was left unsupervised.
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Mikhailoh
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If you want trouble, find yourself a redhead
There is no humorous value in a civilized approach. Besides, it's too late for that now.
Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead - Lucille Ball
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Kincaid
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HOLY CARP!!!
I've told my story before of flinging the very moist pile of dog poo over the fence with my little hand shovel - and having it smack the upright on the neighbor's swing set like frosting thrown against the wall. Seriously, I didn't mean for it to turn out that way. Fortunately, no retaliation.
Kincaid - disgusted Republican Partisan since 2006.
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The 89th Key
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"Don't start nothin', won't be nothin'."

Wise words by someone I wouldn't want to mess with. This person I lived with for most of college and a couple years after, and is the "Keyser Söze" of pranks, IMO. Although I like to call him, Mr. Letifer.
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jon-nyc
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Cheers
We demand 1X update.
In my defense, I was left unsupervised.
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jon-nyc
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Cheers
Bump.
In my defense, I was left unsupervised.
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Aqua Letifer
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ZOOOOOM!
^_^

I'm told their laundry inexplicably developed wet, yellow stains while hanging out to dry.


I've also been told that we are consistently finding dog poo in front of our door, and by our cars.


**** be bananas over here.
I cite irreconcilable differences.
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Free Rider
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Fulla-Carp
Time for the sh!t to hit the fan, maybe?
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Aqua Letifer
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ZOOOOOM!
We're currently discussing escalation options, yes. ^_^
I cite irreconcilable differences.
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JBryan
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I am the grey one
Tell us about any more "hot steamers" found or delivered.

(That poor dog is probably being force fed)
"Any man who would make an X rated movie should be forced to take his daughter to see it". - John Wayne


There is a line we cross when we go from "I will believe it when I see it" to "I will see it when I believe it".


Henry II: I marvel at you after all these years. Still like a democratic drawbridge: going down for everybody.

Eleanor: At my age there's not much traffic anymore.

From The Lion in Winter.
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jon-nyc
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Cheers
You could always return the gesture, albeit using feces from a different mammal.
In my defense, I was left unsupervised.
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Axtremus
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HOLY CARP!!!
May be baby-nyc can contribute something?
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Aqua Letifer
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ZOOOOOM!
UPDATE

Things have been All Quiet on the Western Front for the most part, until yesterday, when the damn kids from the flower shop decide, hey, let's gut out this old-ass mausoleum brick storage building in both our back yards. The thing's just been rotting where it stands for a couple of years, and so now they decide to clean it up some? (I'm guessing their parents have gotten on their case about, y'know, wasting space down there in the basement so this is their way of being productive.)

They start blasting music (bad music, Amy Winehouse crap) at six in the morning on Friday. I sleep through stuff like this so I wasn't around for it, but apparently one of my roommates voiced some concerns. You should play something that doesn't suck ass, and if you can't help that then the least you could do is follow the town codes about noise and wait until 8, he said.

So this morning, at, oh, I'd say 8:01 or so we hear the same crapass Muzak blaring from next door, only this time they actually brought out their speakers from inside. We have two guys moving out today, carpet cleaners coming in and we're dropping a guy off at the airport here in an hour so we really didn't have time to confront them about it.

But the music died down at around 10:30, and as I'm helping one guy move out some boxes into his truck, one of those ****ers came over and actually "apologized!"

"Yeah, sorry about that, that's not something we usually do," he said. "What the ****?" I said. "You've been doing this **** for two days straight. Yes, this is something you usually do."

He laughed and said it's not like that. I said yes, yes it is like that. (Not exactly equivalent to crossing the Rubicon but ah well, we all let each other know how it was going to be.)

Soooo, after our roomies took to the road, we had to clean out their crap from the fridge.

I'm not sure how this happened but it appears that about ten or so moldy, funky-smelling half-decomposed apples splattered and found their way into that ratty ass shed, onto our neighbors' kids' cars and basement windows.
I cite irreconcilable differences.
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Mikhailoh
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If you want trouble, find yourself a redhead
Outstanding. Ask no quarter, grant no quarter.
Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead - Lucille Ball
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Aqua Letifer
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ZOOOOOM!
The problem with this, is that we're going to win, hands down. They're young, and don't have an end game in mind. We do. Obviously their parents wouldn't want trouble, and would never let this continued skirmish mess with their business, whereas we pretty much answer to nobody. They're going to lose out here, eventually, but right now we're content with just ****ing with them.
I cite irreconcilable differences.
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Dewey
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HOLY CARP!!!
Is this a report of what's going on in your back yard, or at the UN? Both, I'm thinking.
"By nature, i prefer brevity." - John Calvin, Institutes of the Christian Religion, p. 685.

"Never waste your time trying to explain yourself to people who are committed to misunderstanding you." - Anonymous

"Oh sure, every once in a while a turd floated by, but other than that it was just fine." - Joe A., 2011

I'll answer your other comments later, but my primary priority for the rest of the evening is to get drunk." - Klaus, 12/31/14
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Aqua Letifer
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ZOOOOOM!
Dewey
Jul 31 2010, 01:33 PM
Is this a report of what's going on in your back yard, or at the UN? Both, I'm thinking.
Well, I'd like to think that we get more done.
I cite irreconcilable differences.
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Dewey
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HOLY CARP!!!
:lol:
"By nature, i prefer brevity." - John Calvin, Institutes of the Christian Religion, p. 685.

"Never waste your time trying to explain yourself to people who are committed to misunderstanding you." - Anonymous

"Oh sure, every once in a while a turd floated by, but other than that it was just fine." - Joe A., 2011

I'll answer your other comments later, but my primary priority for the rest of the evening is to get drunk." - Klaus, 12/31/14
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