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| This has to be the worst job ad ever | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: May 12 2010, 08:11 AM (389 Views) | |
| 1hp | May 12 2010, 08:11 AM Post #1 |
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Fulla-Carp
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Project Manager - ThermoFisher Can anyone figure out what the project manager will actually be managing from the ad? Edited by 1hp, May 12 2010, 08:12 AM.
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| There are 10 kinds of people in this world, those that understand binary and................ | |
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| Aqua Letifer | May 12 2010, 08:41 AM Post #2 |
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ZOOOOOM!
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Providing solutions. I'm sure that would be mentioned several times during the first couple days of training. MAN I hate this kind of bull****, I really do. It's moronic. People who actually talk this way need to be slapped in the mouth.
Oh, highly visible, I see. Does that mean you've placed the projects on some kind of raised perch, or do you mean the projects themselves will burn my ****ing retnas?
You need a hyphen or something in there, man. Because as it stands now this phrase makes no sense whatsoever.
In other words, you believe what you're doing isn't bullsh!t. Why not just come out and say that. Oh that's right because for every business this is kind of already implied.
Did the department of redundancy department write up this description? Yes, I assume "demonstrating ownership of the entire process from beginning to end" is the definition of "end-to-end project management," you don't need to repeat yourself.
Curse those enabling technologies, I had no idea at the time but they're the reason I couldn't get off the drugs and self-destructive behavior. Also, this is a complete and total run-on sentence fail, and I have a personal beef with "from--to" phrases that illustrate qualitative differences, not variations of degree.
Self starter. Hmmm. If I'm still operating on manual fuel injection does that mean I can't apply for the job? The this is a summary unit wide suckass job description. |
| I cite irreconcilable differences. | |
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| Aqua Letifer | May 12 2010, 08:51 AM Post #3 |
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ZOOOOOM!
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I'm thinking about setting up a Monster account just so I can forward them my inquiries. |
| I cite irreconcilable differences. | |
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| sue | May 12 2010, 09:23 AM Post #4 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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oh you should maybe you could ask them to elaborate on this. Betcha they have t-shirts and coffee mugs with the '4 I' team stuff. I detest the kind of writing as shown in this ad. The notion that if you use more words it sounds more important is such a load of pompous claptrap. My business communications prof from years ago would have given this a resounding F. |
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| 1hp | May 12 2010, 09:24 AM Post #5 |
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Fulla-Carp
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Have you noticed that every company is "cutting edge", "state of the art"; has "fast moving teams", that are all "self motivated" (don't know about you, but I suspect they are really all motivated by a paycheck), and can "reduce time to market". The buzz words are endless. Makes me wonder if there are any ordinary companies around anymore. Last time I wrote a job ad I wanted to write something like "Needed - engineer with active imagination to contribute to the software development effort on some fun consumer products. Prefer someone who isn't bored after writing the same software language for more than 5 years. Must be available to drink after hours with the team. " I was overruled on that. |
| There are 10 kinds of people in this world, those that understand binary and................ | |
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| The 89th Key | May 12 2010, 09:26 AM Post #6 |
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I should've stopped at the contradicting line:
Sorry, you can't be equal-opportunity when you hire minorities over whites because of their skin color. 1hp - this seems to be similar to many ads I see around here. Usually I just blame the vaguery (like that word?) on the fact that it's managing a project that requires government clearance and thus they can't really go into specifics. But that's just me giving the benefit of the doubt. |
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| John D'Oh | May 12 2010, 09:29 AM Post #7 |
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MAMIL
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I don't think this ad is that unusual - PM's can be used to manage all kinds of projects, and could easily be transferred from product development projects to internal software development projects, so they keep the wording all loosie-goosie to cover themselves. Whether 'Project Manager' is a genuine profession is of course open to debate (I'm speaking as someone who did the first half of a Masters degree in Project Management in the UK before deciding that leaving the country would be a better career path) HR types don't speak English, they speak a kind of bastardized corporate language that says nothing. This allows them to fire people at will for not meeting their objectives, since the poor sod generally didn't realise that 'self-starter' means 'you need to get in at 5am, whatever the company policy on flex-time may say', and 'passion for driving business improvement' means 'if you don't correct all the cluster-f*cks we've made over the last two decades in the space of 6 months, you're fired'. |
| What do you mean "we", have you got a mouse in your pocket? | |
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| Kincaid | May 12 2010, 09:32 AM Post #8 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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We're all a bunch of goof offs here. I think most of us spend more time on the internet than anything else. |
| Kincaid - disgusted Republican Partisan since 2006. | |
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| John D'Oh | May 12 2010, 09:35 AM Post #9 |
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MAMIL
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Speak for yourself. I work 23 hour days just to ensure that I make up for the tiny amounts of time spent power-consulting here at TNCR. I'm an ideas man, and what better place than this to get ideas? |
| What do you mean "we", have you got a mouse in your pocket? | |
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| sue | May 12 2010, 09:37 AM Post #10 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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No, I don't think it is either. I see that in library work as well. Got to be vague enough to tick all possible boxes and leave room for change, as you said. |
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| Aqua Letifer | May 12 2010, 09:42 AM Post #11 |
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ZOOOOOM!
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I legitimize it in my head that I actually do have some work that requires internet access, or if I'm really groping for an excuse I just chalk it up to a generational problem. People my age are just online a lot, it's just how we were brought up. Can't help it. |
| I cite irreconcilable differences. | |
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| JBryan | May 12 2010, 10:09 AM Post #12 |
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I am the grey one
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Makes perfect sense to me. I have no problem with project descriptions that leverage all aspects of the information space. |
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"Any man who would make an X rated movie should be forced to take his daughter to see it". - John Wayne There is a line we cross when we go from "I will believe it when I see it" to "I will see it when I believe it". Henry II: I marvel at you after all these years. Still like a democratic drawbridge: going down for everybody. Eleanor: At my age there's not much traffic anymore. From The Lion in Winter. | |
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| Aqua Letifer | May 12 2010, 10:11 AM Post #13 |
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ZOOOOOM!
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You're trying to give me a highly visible nose unit bleed and/or hemorrhage aren't you. |
| I cite irreconcilable differences. | |
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| Phlebas | May 12 2010, 10:32 AM Post #14 |
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Bull-Carp
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Job Description Position Summary: Key Duties & Responsibilities: · · Applies standard project management methodology, tools and practices as well as business unit and divisional processes and procedures to ensure successful outcome of projects · Manages day-to-day operational aspects of a project work plan and revises as appropriate to meet changing needs and requirements · Identifies resources needed and gains agreement on assignment of individual responsibilities · Facilitates team and external client meetings if necessary and holds regular status meetings with project team · Manage development of new products, from conception through launch with a strong focus on reducing the time to market and ensuring timelines are achieved. · Responsible for understanding problems, bringing issues to resolution, and escalating as necessary to meet timelines · Track and communicate project status to Senior Management · Proactively developing and executing appropriate contingency/mitigation plans to contain the risk and prevent evolution of open issues · Identify gaps/areas for improvement and initiate corrective actions Facilitate extraction of learnings from projects and ensure that knowledge is incorporated across future projects Maintain, distribute, file, and archive project documentation in accordance with established procedures and processes. · Provide training where necessary on techniques or existing processes · Identify best practices within the company, and outside of Thermo Fisher, and serve as a conduit for best-practice sharing Minimum Requirements/Qualifications: · A bachelors’ degree or higher in engineering/technology or related field plus 10 years of direct work experience · Minimum 5 years of direct project management experience – in the functional groups R&D, product management or engineering project management preferred · Strong organizational skills to work independently and ability to prioritize a heavy workload · Significant project management leadership experience and demonstrated success influencing diverse groups toward common goals · Demonstrated ability to exercise cultural sensitivity Ability to develop high levels of credibility and forge solid and positive professional relationships with subordinates, peers, and upper management · Proven track record for developing, training, and coaching employee teams in a continuous improvement environment · Be willing to travel domestically and internationally (10%) Skill Requirements: · Candidate must have exceptional interpersonal & demonstrated change management skills · Excellent analytical, problem solving and facilitation/time management skills that require minimum supervision · Financial acumen and budgetary skills are key requirements · Ability to work on deadline centered, multi-tasked projects · A self-starter, results oriented, positive and proactive, solution focused approach is required · Passion for driving business improvement and leading change in a large, complex, and heavily matrixed global organization · Knowledge of key systems and processes related to manufacturing, supply chain, quality, product management is required |
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Random FML: Today, I was fired by my boss in front of my coworkers. It would have been nice if I could have left the building before they started celebrating. FML The founding of the bulk of the world's nation states post 1914 is based on self-defined nationalisms. The bulk of those national movements involve territory that was ethnically mixed. The foundation of many of those nation states involved population movements in the aftermath. When the only one that is repeatedly held up as unjust and unjustifiable is the Zionist project, the term anti-semitism may very well be appropriate. - P*D | |
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| 1hp | May 12 2010, 10:35 AM Post #15 |
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Fulla-Carp
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Well, in my experience Project Managers can't just slide from one area to another. After finally finding their website, it looks like this facility manufactures consumable items for laboratories ( Molecular BioProducts ). I don't believe that someone who has been managing, say, military projects is going to just slide into this position. A certain background knowledge of the product area, along with the certification process is required. That said, I do believe it is not that difficult to move into new areas and come up the learning curve, it's just that most companies won't let you - they want someone who has been doing the job for 10 years already (ref my above suggested job listing). Edited by 1hp, May 12 2010, 10:37 AM.
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| There are 10 kinds of people in this world, those that understand binary and................ | |
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| John D'Oh | May 12 2010, 10:48 AM Post #16 |
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MAMIL
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In my last job we (a process instrumentation company) employed a project manager from the nuclear industry. He went straight from managing the installation of power stations to managing the production of radar level equipment. As well as being very good at attending meetings, he also excelled at shouting - somewhat a lost art in the modern workspace, but a very effective management tool when used by the right management tool. |
| What do you mean "we", have you got a mouse in your pocket? | |
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| Aqua Letifer | May 12 2010, 11:04 AM Post #17 |
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ZOOOOOM!
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Oh I agree, and it's a GREAT way to get people to pay attention to you. But these days you can't couple the harsh speaking with harsh words, you have to balance out the volume with a nicer message, lest you get fired or sent to anger management. It's still just as effective, though, to have your veins pop out of your neck during a meeting and scream out "YOUR MOM IS A CLASSY LADY!!" as if you went with epithets. Maybe even more effective. |
| I cite irreconcilable differences. | |
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| Red Rice | May 12 2010, 11:10 AM Post #18 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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Crap. That ad sounds like it could be for my job. Up until recently, I was a project director for Abbott/Hospira.
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Civilisation, I vaguely realized then - and subsequent observation has confirmed the view - could not progress that way. It must have a greater guiding principle to survive. To treat it as a carcase off which each man tears as much as he can for himself, is to stand convicted a brute, fit for nothing better than a jungle existence, which is a death-struggle, leading nowhither. I did not believe that was the human destiny, for Man individually was sane and reasonable, only collectively a fool. I hope the gunner of that Hun two-seater shot him clean, bullet to heart, and that his plane, on fire, fell like a meteor through the sky he loved. Since he had to end, I hope he ended so. But, oh, the waste! The loss! - Cecil Lewis | |
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| jon-nyc | May 12 2010, 11:40 AM Post #19 |
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Cheers
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um, projects? |
| In my defense, I was left unsupervised. | |
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| JBryan | May 12 2010, 11:53 AM Post #20 |
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I am the grey one
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I have been offered the job of project manager from time to time. Unfortunately, the people offering it wanted me to take all the responsibility while retaining full control. I always took a pass on that deal. |
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"Any man who would make an X rated movie should be forced to take his daughter to see it". - John Wayne There is a line we cross when we go from "I will believe it when I see it" to "I will see it when I believe it". Henry II: I marvel at you after all these years. Still like a democratic drawbridge: going down for everybody. Eleanor: At my age there's not much traffic anymore. From The Lion in Winter. | |
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| John D'Oh | May 12 2010, 12:05 PM Post #21 |
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MAMIL
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You'd get to attend weekly blamestorming meetings. |
| What do you mean "we", have you got a mouse in your pocket? | |
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| Red Rice | May 12 2010, 12:10 PM Post #22 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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Civilisation, I vaguely realized then - and subsequent observation has confirmed the view - could not progress that way. It must have a greater guiding principle to survive. To treat it as a carcase off which each man tears as much as he can for himself, is to stand convicted a brute, fit for nothing better than a jungle existence, which is a death-struggle, leading nowhither. I did not believe that was the human destiny, for Man individually was sane and reasonable, only collectively a fool. I hope the gunner of that Hun two-seater shot him clean, bullet to heart, and that his plane, on fire, fell like a meteor through the sky he loved. Since he had to end, I hope he ended so. But, oh, the waste! The loss! - Cecil Lewis | |
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4:35 PM Jul 10