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363 Reasons John D'Oh will never be Pope; (inspired by Jon-NYC)
Topic Started: Mar 14 2010, 04:19 PM (944 Views)
Horace
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HOLY CARP!!!
Dewey
Mar 14 2010, 05:58 PM
Luke's Dad
Mar 14 2010, 05:19 PM
Dewey
Mar 14 2010, 04:45 PM
#6 He'd create a scandal by serving the Eucharist with spinach dip.
Winner. No need to go further.
(The really ironic thing is that I actually *do* bake batches of our Communion bread and eat it with spinach dip. It's great with garlic butter, too.)

:leaving:
As a kid I used to fantasize about eating massive handfuls of comunion wafers as snacks. Something about only getting one at a time once per week is just frustrating.
As a good person, I implore you to do as I, a good person, do. Be good. Do NOT be bad. If you see bad, end bad. End it in yourself, and end it in others. By any means necessary, the good must conquer the bad. Good people know this. Do you know this? Are you good?
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John D'Oh
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MAMIL
I'd make a bloody good Pope, if I do say so myself. I'd bring back the inquisition, and replace the communion wine with something a little stronger at unexpected and random intervals. I'd extend to the idea of infallibility to EVERYTHING I freaking said, and anybody who didn't like it would get a taste of the New Model Inquisition. I'd abolish any Saint who was in any way involved with fighting the English, and replace their day with additional Saint George's days, all of which would be celebrated in a similar manner to the day of Saint Patrick, except with English beer.

I also like the white outfit quite a bit - since you get to name yourself, I'd be Pope Saruman the First. For those of you tempted to laugh at the first geek Pope, bear in mind that the college of cardinals would be re-named the Uruk Hai, and selected accordingly.


John D'Oh for Pope! My campaign slogan would be 'Sure, he's a bit of a knobhead, but at least he's not a foreigner!'
What do you mean "we", have you got a mouse in your pocket?
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ivorythumper
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I am so adjective that I verb nouns!
QuirtEvans
Mar 14 2010, 04:47 PM
#8 The Catholic Church has no First Popess position for Jane.
FAIL. Several of the early popes, including Peter were married, and there is no prohibition in canon law against a married man becoming pope. (although there is obviously no "popessa" title).
The dogma lives loudly within me.
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ivorythumper
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I am so adjective that I verb nouns!
George K
Mar 14 2010, 04:57 PM
#9: He hangs around with the likes of Quirt me.
Jesus hung around prostitutes and tax collectors, so it's not that far of a stretch.
The dogma lives loudly within me.
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ivorythumper
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I am so adjective that I verb nouns!
John D'Oh
Mar 14 2010, 06:33 PM


I also like the white outfit quite a bit - since you get to name yourself, I'd be Pope Saruman the First.
I think you would be better as Pope Suburban I.
The dogma lives loudly within me.
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George K
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Finally
#19: Because he thinks Dominus Vobiscum is an adult film star.
A guide to GKSR: Click

"Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... "
- Mik, 6/14/08


Nothing is as effective as homeopathy.

I'd rather listen to an hour of Abba than an hour of The Beatles.
- Klaus, 4/29/18
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jon-nyc
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Cheers
:lol2:
In my defense, I was left unsupervised.
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Jane D'Oh
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Fulla-Carp
# whatever: He wouldn't wait for the service to end before removing his shirt and undershirt and putting his terrycloth robe on.
Pfft.
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Jane D'Oh
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Fulla-Carp
I never have seen him much interested in spinach dip so perhaps...

Because he'd replace the wafer with sausages and yell "Sausage Time" loudly
Pfft.
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Axtremus
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HOLY CARP!!!
#whatever+1: Because John D'Oh will report child molester priests to the civil authorities and excommunicate them.
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Dewey
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HOLY CARP!!!
Jane D'Oh
Mar 15 2010, 04:35 AM
# whatever: He wouldn't wait for the service to end before removing his shirt and undershirt and putting his terrycloth robe on.
:lol:
"By nature, i prefer brevity." - John Calvin, Institutes of the Christian Religion, p. 685.

"Never waste your time trying to explain yourself to people who are committed to misunderstanding you." - Anonymous

"Oh sure, every once in a while a turd floated by, but other than that it was just fine." - Joe A., 2011

I'll answer your other comments later, but my primary priority for the rest of the evening is to get drunk." - Klaus, 12/31/14
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Piano*Dad
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Bull-Carp
#21. He might actually name himself something like Pope Saruman I.

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Piano*Dad
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Bull-Carp
This whole discussion is arrant nonsense:

#22. He has trouble spelling arrant, at least in the context of Henry VIII. :lol2:

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QuirtEvans
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I Owe It All To John D'Oh
#23. Just imagine the new Popemobile.
It would be unwise to underestimate what large groups of ill-informed people acting together can achieve. -- John D'Oh, January 14, 2010.
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Red Rice
HOLY CARP!!!
Dewey
Mar 14 2010, 05:58 PM
Luke's Dad
Mar 14 2010, 05:19 PM
Dewey
Mar 14 2010, 04:45 PM
#6 He'd create a scandal by serving the Eucharist with spinach dip.
Winner. No need to go further.
(The really ironic thing is that I actually *do* bake batches of our Communion bread and eat it with spinach dip. It's great with garlic butter, too.)

:leaving:
It's sacrilicious!
Civilisation, I vaguely realized then - and subsequent observation has confirmed the view - could not progress that way. It must have a greater guiding principle to survive. To treat it as a carcase off which each man tears as much as he can for himself, is to stand convicted a brute, fit for nothing better than a jungle existence, which is a death-struggle, leading nowhither. I did not believe that was the human destiny, for Man individually was sane and reasonable, only collectively a fool.

I hope the gunner of that Hun two-seater shot him clean, bullet to heart, and that his plane, on fire, fell like a meteor through the sky he loved. Since he had to end, I hope he ended so. But, oh, the waste! The loss!

- Cecil Lewis
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OperaTenor
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Pisa-Carp
#24. He would change the term from "sinner" to "wanker."


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jon-nyc
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Cheers
#25 The church would then finally have to admit that everyone wanks.
In my defense, I was left unsupervised.
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RosemaryTwo
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HOLY CARP!!!
Ha!

The Catholic authorities would catch word that he posted here, which pretty much disqualify him for any position of value.
"Perhaps the thing to do is just to let stupid run its course." Aqua
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Klaus
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HOLY CARP!!!
#26 Because Italians don't like people who occupy the beach chairs early in the morning with their towels.

Oh wait, wrong stereotype!
Trifonov Fleisher Klaus Sokolov Zimmerman
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Dewey
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HOLY CARP!!!
Quote:
 
It's sacrilicious!


:lol2:
"By nature, i prefer brevity." - John Calvin, Institutes of the Christian Religion, p. 685.

"Never waste your time trying to explain yourself to people who are committed to misunderstanding you." - Anonymous

"Oh sure, every once in a while a turd floated by, but other than that it was just fine." - Joe A., 2011

I'll answer your other comments later, but my primary priority for the rest of the evening is to get drunk." - Klaus, 12/31/14
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Phlebas
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Bull-Carp
#27: He'd spend all his time laughing at the funny clothes on the guys who are supposed to be protecting him.

Posted Image
Random FML: Today, I was fired by my boss in front of my coworkers. It would have been nice if I could have left the building before they started celebrating. FML

The founding of the bulk of the world's nation states post 1914 is based on self-defined nationalisms. The bulk of those national movements involve territory that was ethnically mixed. The foundation of many of those nation states involved population movements in the aftermath. When the only one that is repeatedly held up as unjust and unjustifiable is the Zionist project, the term anti-semitism may very well be appropriate. - P*D


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Kincaid
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HOLY CARP!!!
OperaTenor
Mar 15 2010, 07:29 AM
#24. He would change the term from "sinner" to "wanker."
and the verb "wank" to "pnan".
Kincaid - disgusted Republican Partisan since 2006.
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blondie
Bull-Carp
#28. There's just no way I could whisper my sweet sins to John in a confessional. He'd laugh.

#29. He'd blab.
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blondie
Bull-Carp
#30. Knobby Brit knees. He can't kneel.

#31. Genuflection. He couldn't get up.
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Phlebas
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Bull-Carp
32: He'd punch holes in the Sistine Chapel looking for Ceiling Cat.
Random FML: Today, I was fired by my boss in front of my coworkers. It would have been nice if I could have left the building before they started celebrating. FML

The founding of the bulk of the world's nation states post 1914 is based on self-defined nationalisms. The bulk of those national movements involve territory that was ethnically mixed. The foundation of many of those nation states involved population movements in the aftermath. When the only one that is repeatedly held up as unjust and unjustifiable is the Zionist project, the term anti-semitism may very well be appropriate. - P*D


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