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Should I get a gift?; ...coworker's baby registry
Topic Started: Dec 4 2009, 12:20 PM (482 Views)
The 89th Key
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So in the large company I work for, I specifically work in a department of maybe 30 folks. I see them all on a daily basis at least once. This one girl is having her second child and invited me to her baby shower, but I can't make it. Am I supposed to still get her something from a store that she registered with? Is that expected? Is it rude if I don't?

I'm not a cheapskate....I'm just more of a "business only" kind of person while at work and just have this visceral reaction when it comes to things like this with coworkers who I'm not particularly close with.
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kenny
HOLY CARP!!!
In this case I'd not give.
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John D'Oh
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MAMIL
The 89th Key
Dec 4 2009, 12:20 PM
I'm just more of a "business only" kind of person while at work
Yeah, that's why you've got over 30,000 posts to your name, Mr. Business-Only.

(I wouldn't get a gift. She shouldn't be inviting blokes to her baby shower in the first place.)
What do you mean "we", have you got a mouse in your pocket?
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The 89th Key
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Kenny I think we'd be good friends if we lived closer. :cheers:

(I mean that)

I guess there is a fuzzy line...I dont mind signing bday cards if they go around, or get-well cards. But I do mind the social "expectation" to chip in to birthday gifts, baby showers, wedding showers, etc. That's what friends are for. Not necessarily coworkers.
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The 89th Key
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John - i actually typed in my original post that "Yes I know typing this on this forum WHILE at work is hypocritical", I removed it at the last second. Glad to know I could count on you, Mr. Bean!
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JBryan
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I am the grey one
Let her know you will give the baby a shower after it is born. What on earth could she be thinking.
"Any man who would make an X rated movie should be forced to take his daughter to see it". - John Wayne


There is a line we cross when we go from "I will believe it when I see it" to "I will see it when I believe it".


Henry II: I marvel at you after all these years. Still like a democratic drawbridge: going down for everybody.

Eleanor: At my age there's not much traffic anymore.

From The Lion in Winter.
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John Galt
Fulla-Carp
It's too hard to please everyone follow so-called rules of etiquette. Even when you THINK you're doing the right thing, someone will criticize. (Why didn't he come to the shower? Why did he spend so much/so little money?...)

I'd vote for doing what YOU feel like doing. If you'd like to give a gift, great. If you don't feel like it, don't.

IMHO...
Let us begin anew, remembering on both sides that civility is not a sign of weakness.
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kenny
HOLY CARP!!!
I think so too 89.

BTW tell her if she wants a gift you'll give her the next baby.
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John D'Oh
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MAMIL
The last time our baby gave me a shower it wasn't very pleasant at all to be honest.
What do you mean "we", have you got a mouse in your pocket?
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John D'Oh
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MAMIL
The 89th Key
Dec 4 2009, 12:24 PM
Mr. Bean
Dude - you don't know your Atkinsons from a hole in the ground.
What do you mean "we", have you got a mouse in your pocket?
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JBryan
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I am the grey one
That's right. Blackadder would be correct.
"Any man who would make an X rated movie should be forced to take his daughter to see it". - John Wayne


There is a line we cross when we go from "I will believe it when I see it" to "I will see it when I believe it".


Henry II: I marvel at you after all these years. Still like a democratic drawbridge: going down for everybody.

Eleanor: At my age there's not much traffic anymore.

From The Lion in Winter.
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The 89th Key
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JG - I like your style. I think I'll do that.

Mr. Bean, you'll always be Mr. Bean to me. Rowan and Blackadder are just fake identities.
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Jolly
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Geaux Tigers!
We don't do baby showers down here for the second child.

First child, only.
The main obstacle to a stable and just world order is the United States.- George Soros
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musicasacra
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HOLY CARP!!!
I've also only known baby showers for the first baby . . . of it's been a long gap between babies.

Sometimes co-workers will chip in for a baby registry item. I've contributed to those.

If I were in your situation, she's a co-worker I have some interaction with, not a social friend, I'd see if the office was chipping in on a registry gift or I would just give her a card.
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PattyP
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Senior Carp
If it were her first child, I'd say, sure, give a gift, even just a token.

But, you are colleagues, not friends. Having thirty-five years under my belt in the office workplace, I know how out-of-control gift giving can get. I don’t think a gift is warranted, unless you are friends outside the work place. Don’t confuse a good working relationship with colleagues as friendship. There is a huge difference.

Even a card for well wishes for a healthy baby would be more than sufficient, IMO.

My two cents.

A tired dog is a good dog.

"Dogs' lives are too short...their only fault, really."
A.S. Turnbull
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dolmansaxlil
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HOLY CARP!!!
I was going to say the same, Jolly. We'll usually do a collection at work for new babies, but we each chip in $5-10ish and call it a day.

A card is appropriate. A gift, IMO, is not necessary.
"Your first 10,000 photographs are your worst." ~ Henri Cartier-Bresson

My Flickr Photostream


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Aqua Letifer
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ZOOOOOM!
Handshake + smile = the extent of one's obligation to any and all officeplace well-wishing.
I cite irreconcilable differences.
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dolmansaxlil
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HOLY CARP!!!
I have to say, I am getting a little miffed by the extent of collections at my work. I'm ok with the collections themselves - but they send students around with a card to sign, an envelope, and a CHECKLIST. I hate this. Because I'm not in my office very often, there are new staff that I don't even know by name. And there's a collection for everything - births, deaths in the family, weddings, retirements, etc etc. So I pitched in my $20 for the "social fund" (I'm not attending the big social event this year, either, as I'm not in my office that day) and then have been coerced into pitching in for a gazillion collections.

Now, one of the staff I DO know well, as we taught in the same division. She just went out on mat leave. I specifically came into school and hunted down the card-carrier to make sure I contributed. Forced contribution bothers me.
"Your first 10,000 photographs are your worst." ~ Henri Cartier-Bresson

My Flickr Photostream


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John D'Oh
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MAMIL
At our place there's a rather odd custom that when somebody has a parent or close family member die, they announce it to the entire office. Many people then go to the wake, with dead body in attendance and everything. Full Boston-Irish regalia. Nobody ever announces births or marriages, or even people leaving the company - but deaths is common knowledge for all. It's bloody weird if you ask me - not that anybody ever does.
What do you mean "we", have you got a mouse in your pocket?
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kenny
HOLY CARP!!!
Money is weird when it comes to these workplace things.

Years ago I was in a big company's org/workgroup consisting of 15 techs and engineers.
We had an excellent full time assembler who was instrumental in our success but she reported to the assembler org.
She sat in our room and went to all luncheons with us.

Once we got a big cash award for performance to be split 15 ways.
The assembler was not included since she was not in the org that got the award.

Like an idiot I suggested we split it 16 ways to include her.
A couple people were very angry and resentful.
OMG it was like I was stealing from them.

To this day I'm not sure if I did the right thing.
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dolmansaxlil
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HOLY CARP!!!
We get an awful lot of death notices at my workplace too, John. This week, there was a run of them - all but one were pretty awful. Suicide of one of our kids fathers, heart attack for a 45 year old, car accident for another kid's father... every day I opened a new email with the info.
"Your first 10,000 photographs are your worst." ~ Henri Cartier-Bresson

My Flickr Photostream


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dolmansaxlil
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HOLY CARP!!!
kenny
Dec 4 2009, 01:47 PM
Money is weird when it comes to these workplace things.

Years ago I was in a big company's org/workgroup consisting of around 15 techs and engineers.
We had an excellent full time assembler who was instrumental in our success but she reported to a different org.

We got a big cash award for performance to be split 15 ways.
The assembler was not included since she was not in the org that got the award.

Like an idiot I suggested we split it 16 ways to include her.
A couple people were very angry and resentful.
OMG it was like I was stealing from them.

To this day I'm not sure if I did the right thing.
You did do the right thing, kenny. Mister Soak has not gotten several cash awards for things he was instrumental on for this very reason. Other orgs call him in because he's really good at a particular thing, he does a buttload of work, and then they get the cash reward. In one instance, his team leader got a $8000 award for doing a project. Soak did the entire thing. His team lead acknowledge that really Soak should have gotten the award since he did the entire project. But the acknowledgment didn't come with cash attached to it.

Soak's a bit bitter about his job right now - and this is a huge part of the reason why. Once would be ok, but there's been at least 5 instances in the past year, and many before that.
"Your first 10,000 photographs are your worst." ~ Henri Cartier-Bresson

My Flickr Photostream


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sue
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HOLY CARP!!!
2nd baby, a work colleague? No, I wouldn't get a gift. To be iniviting you and everyone else to her own baby shower for a 2nd kid doesn't sit right with me at all. It's like asking for presents, which strikes me as quite tacky.

Send her a card if you really want to, but I wouldn't even sweat that.

The baby showers I've been to are all for 1st timers, and organised by a friend, not the mom-to-be herself.
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blondie
Bull-Carp
I don't understand this baby shower business that occurs *before* the kid is born. The way I see it [& have known it] anything can happen b/t conception and birth to screw things up so I just keep my fingers crossed hoping a kid is born and is born healthy.

But to the topic, 89th, don't give unless it's a sincere 'I wanna give' thing. Don't attend unless you really want to. Speaks to your character sweet pea.

Oh, and I dislike baby showers. El-stupido celebrations. I've been to only 1 TG and fortunately missed my own [gave birth that day so sent the husband instead. Heh - poor guy.].
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kenny
HOLY CARP!!!
blondie
Dec 4 2009, 02:13 PM
I don't understand this baby shower business that occurs *before* the kid is born. The way I see it [& have known it] anything can happen b/t conception and birth to screw things up so I just keep my fingers crossed hoping a kid is born and is born healthy.
You must be ready if/when the baby arrives. - To be nice we assume "when".
What you do not receive as a gift you must buy.

We don't rush out to buy bottles, diapers and a crib day 1 if the baby really shows up.
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