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I just beat the sh!t out of my piano.
Topic Started: Dec 2 2009, 06:12 PM (1,255 Views)
Mark
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HOLY CARP!!!
Did I mention how wonderfully therapeutic this place is for me?

Thanks for helping out tonight and in the "Anger" thread everyone.
___.___
(_]===*
o 0
When I see an adult on a bicycle, I do not despair for the future of the human race. H.G. Wells
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Klaus
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HOLY CARP!!!
Hello Mark,

I don't have any experiences of my own to share. My family never had to experience any serious conflicts like the one in your or Larry's family or any of the other reports here (and I seldomly notice how lucky we are).

I hope very much that everything will turn out fine. I believe Mik and the others are right.

Maybe you should try some Bach on your piano to calm down. Or, if you want to express your anger I recommend Liszt's Orage ;)
Trifonov Fleisher Klaus Sokolov Zimmerman
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Phlebas
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Bull-Carp
kenny
Dec 2 2009, 07:32 PM
BJ I intentionally did not repeat or quote what Larry wrote.

Clearly he's not worried about it.

I think he's nuts.
Kenny,

Three words: Statute of limitations.

It's Mark who should be worried because I'm sure the statute of limitations on attempted Estoniacide is more that a few hours.
Random FML: Today, I was fired by my boss in front of my coworkers. It would have been nice if I could have left the building before they started celebrating. FML

The founding of the bulk of the world's nation states post 1914 is based on self-defined nationalisms. The bulk of those national movements involve territory that was ethnically mixed. The foundation of many of those nation states involved population movements in the aftermath. When the only one that is repeatedly held up as unjust and unjustifiable is the Zionist project, the term anti-semitism may very well be appropriate. - P*D


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Mikhailoh
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If you want trouble, find yourself a redhead
Mark
Dec 2 2009, 09:55 PM
Did I mention how wonderfully therapeutic this place is for me?

Thanks for helping out tonight and in the "Anger" thread everyone.
As I see this with fresh eyes this morning, I can't believe I didn't say this, Mark. My experience is that prayer is the very best way to lift a burden from your heart. I pray that all the horrid feelings that go along with some events be lifted and they generally are, to on degree or another. Sometimes it has been nearly miraculous and instant.

You and yours will be in mine.
Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead - Lucille Ball
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apple
one of the angels
oh Mark.. i didn't realize your anger was so serious... or about such a serious thing. I'll be back to tell you a story. i think you need some perspective from those who know what it's like to deal with that.. maybe a support group.

btw..you need to be playing the 14th.

call me if you want
Edited by apple, Dec 3 2009, 05:07 AM.
it behooves me to behold
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Luke's Dad
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Emperor Pengin
Wow. I don't really have anything relevant to post, but I will say as the father of a six year old that all of your stories have me terrified of the next twelve years.

Mark, this too will pass and we'll pray for you and your daughter if you would like.
The problem with having an open mind is that people keep trying to put things in it.
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John D'Oh
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MAMIL
Mark - I'm so sorry to read this. I can't really add anything to what others have said. Clinical depression is an awful thing - one of the most destructive of illnesses, and one of the worst things about it is that it leaves those trying to help angry and frustrated and feeling just so damn impotent and incapable of helping. Sometimes people say things they really don't mean - it's the chemicals talking (whether those caused by the illness or just those caused by being a teenager). It still hurts a lot.
What do you mean "we", have you got a mouse in your pocket?
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RosemaryTwo
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Mark --

I have just two things to add:

1. It is obvious that you love all of your girls without limit.

2. Keep them safe. If you can do nothing about the emotional struggles, focus, as I know you do constantly, on their safety. Sometimes that is hard enough work.

Peace to you,

R2
"Perhaps the thing to do is just to let stupid run its course." Aqua
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PattyP
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Mark, I’m not a parent so I can’t understand how you’re feeling. I can only tell you that I understand the frustration your daughter feels. I was a horrible little wretch to my dear, sweet mother when I was a teen simply because I was a teen. Quite frankly, she should have drowned me at birth, I gave her so much grief during my teen years. Many years later I matured enough to realize what a putz I had been and was able to apologize to her for being such a sh!t as a teenkid.

Your child knows you love her unconditionally and she also knows she’s safe saying terrible things to you. I’m sure you are not the nucleus of her frustration. It’s life in general that has her at such odds and you’re an easy target for venting. Morphing from childhood into adulthood is one of the hardest journeys in life.

I’m sure your piano is fine as long as you didn’t take a sledge hammer to it. Just think what a great testimonial it is to Estonia pianos to take the frustration and grief from the dad of a teenager. :D


A tired dog is a good dog.

"Dogs' lives are too short...their only fault, really."
A.S. Turnbull
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Axtremus
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HOLY CARP!!!
Mark
Dec 2 2009, 09:55 PM
Did I mention how wonderfully therapeutic this place is for me?

Thanks for helping out tonight and in the "Anger" thread everyone.
Sorry to read this, sorry I made a joke in the "Anger" thread ... I didn't know the context at the time.

I hope things get better for your whole family.
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Phlebas
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John D'Oh
Dec 3 2009, 05:14 AM
...it's the chemicals talking (whether those caused by the illness or just those caused by being a teenager).
That's very true, and it helps me to think of that from time to time.
Random FML: Today, I was fired by my boss in front of my coworkers. It would have been nice if I could have left the building before they started celebrating. FML

The founding of the bulk of the world's nation states post 1914 is based on self-defined nationalisms. The bulk of those national movements involve territory that was ethnically mixed. The foundation of many of those nation states involved population movements in the aftermath. When the only one that is repeatedly held up as unjust and unjustifiable is the Zionist project, the term anti-semitism may very well be appropriate. - P*D


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apple
one of the angels
Mark.. i think you need to not focus on those words.. She is the one with the disability not you .. and inside, you know she doesn't feel that way.

You know I had a brother who was schizophrenic.. severely schizophrenic.. He spent the last ten years of his life heavily medicated and he was in the hospital at least a 1/3 of the time. I was very dedicated to him. I loved him to pieces. I bought a car to take him on trips (a couple times a wk).. lent him tons of money that I never saw again, because he would give it to the less fortunate, the homeless who lived in his area.. it used to frustrate me to no end.

It was his birthday and my mom prepared a nice birthday dinner for him. Not only was I late, appearing midway thru dinner, but I forgot his gift. He stood up during dessert, pointed his finger at me with great dramatic flair and said "You are a witch and you must die". We all freaked. My brothers stood to protect me, and my dad.. said 'try to leave - right now'. I got to the front door, and Peter broke thru my brothers and lunged after me. I started running down the steps but he leapt, landed on top of me, and immediately started choking me. Of course, I hadn't taken a breath and about 90 seconds later I started passing out. The boys were trying their darndest to break his hold. My brain damaged brother had the brilliant idea to tickle him and that worked.. sigh. I choked and gasped for a while, we called the police and he was taken to the hospital after a brief hour in jail.

He was sooooooooooooo sorry. He cried for days and told me he loved me and would never kill me.

It was so awful.. I had to go to court and show them pictures of the bruises on my neck and the gash on my head where I hit the concrete. The laws protected the mentally ill.. One had to have good cause to have committed, and I had to testify against him in court. He was there and it was the saddest thing.. Fortunately the judge knew our family, knew Peter, and was both sympathetic and firm.

I continued to visit him daily in hospital.. playing chess (I never won a game) in a private room.. Boy did that make me nervous. Peter never forgot that day and apologized every single time he saw me. We got over it

Just to share some of the things we have to deal with when dealing with those who are challenged. I know you care deeply for your daughter and pray that you quickly forget those awful words. I imagine she'll apologize.. hope so, for both your sakes. If not, well.. you can get over that. you're strong.

it behooves me to behold
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apple
one of the angels
btw this number 14 is the one you ought to play to diffuse anger.. that, or Bach's WTC 1, prelude #2.

that's Rubinstein playing, and you remind me of him.. the way you combine finesse. strength and passion.
Edited by apple, Dec 3 2009, 06:27 AM.
it behooves me to behold
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big al
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I didn't know what I was getting into when I opened this thread. I'm glad some people here were here for Mark last night. It makes me exceedingly glad to know that there are people on TNCR willing to put themselves out there for someone they may only know through this medium.

I hope you're a little calmer and more at peace today, Mark. As the father of 5, I know some of the aggravations they can cause, although I haven't dealt with exactly the issue that you are confronting (I'm not just talking about the trigger event you described here). I guess none of us have exactly the same problems or reactions to them, so we can relate but ultimately don't know what you will have to do. I agree that it's theraputic to know that other real people have gone through the fire before you , survived, and sometimes thrived.

You and your child will be in my prayers, also.

Big Al
Location: Western PA

"jesu, der simcha fun der man's farlangen."
-bachophile
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sue
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Red Rice
Dec 2 2009, 09:17 PM
But I'm wondering if she said what she said to you partly because she knew that you, of all the people in the world, would still be able to love her in spite of the pain and rage she flung at you.

I thought about this a lot last night. I would have loved to have said something like that to my mother when I was 16; life was not great then. But I knew I'd be out on the streets if I did. So I had to suck it in.

I think Red Rice is right. Your daughter knows she is loved. That's a pretty big thing, in the long run.
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Mark
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HOLY CARP!!!
OMG Mary! What a horrible thing to have to go through.

Still feeling like crap Al. I hope to have some sort of resolution when she gets home from school today.
___.___
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o 0
When I see an adult on a bicycle, I do not despair for the future of the human race. H.G. Wells
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big al
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Bull-Carp
Mark, this didn't reach the point it has in a day and I don't think it's realistic to expect it to be resolved in a day. You can't ignore it, but don't let any matches come too close to that open pan of gasoline that may be there. Walk away before that happens.

The peace of Christ be with all of you.

Big Al
Location: Western PA

"jesu, der simcha fun der man's farlangen."
-bachophile
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kluurs
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Fulla-Carp
I thought I'd posted - but I'm not on my game today - so maybe I did something wrong. My brain is shot...

one other thing I would add is that depression is often described as anger turned inward. It sounds like she's found how to turn it outward.

I had a friend who was a clinical psychologist who said almost all teenagers are mentally ill. If they acted the way they are 14-16 when they're 30, they're diagnosed as such. But, this is part of that age. Not every teenager. It isn't "parenting." I know friends who have had two girls - raised the same - but one was living with a drug dealer 20 years her senior when she was 15. Two years before, she was fine. Hormones, chemistry? Something changed her.

It might be helpful if you could flip forward a decade - but it doesn't quite work that way.

Anger is probably our most primitive emotion. It is frequently the most difficult to..control or even direct - but use your love as a guide. Pray - pound the drums or run - cope as best you can - cuz your daughter's struggling too - rebelling, sorting out her identiy - all the while dealing with hormones, chemistry, stress and the goofiness of the kids around her. It ain't easy for either of you.

God love you both and guide you both.
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QuirtEvans
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I Owe It All To John D'Oh
kluurs
Dec 3 2009, 10:39 AM
I know friends who have had two girls - raised the same - but one was living with a drug dealer 20 years her senior when she was 15. Two years before, she was fine. Hormones, chemistry? Something changed her.

Thanks a lot. You really didn't want me to sleep tonight or any night in the foreseeable future, did you?
It would be unwise to underestimate what large groups of ill-informed people acting together can achieve. -- John D'Oh, January 14, 2010.
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Big John
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Hey Mark.

Do you have someone to talk to about all this stress? You ARE under a lot of stress you know. It shows in your posts.





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Mark
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HOLY CARP!!!
I'm OK. John.

Thanks.
___.___
(_]===*
o 0
When I see an adult on a bicycle, I do not despair for the future of the human race. H.G. Wells
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