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| I just beat the sh!t out of my piano. | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Dec 2 2009, 06:12 PM (1,257 Views) | |
| Larry | Dec 2 2009, 07:06 PM Post #26 |
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
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Mark, let me tell you about my son. He was only 6 years old when his mother and I divorced. I had some influence over him during the next 10 years, but not much since I only had him every other weekend. By the time he was 16 he was on drugs, when he was 17 he was out of control. An incident happened between him and his mother that showed that she could no longer control him. Against his wishes I moved him 7 hours away to live with me, where he would be away from the bad influences, and where he couldn't do as he pleased. He didn't want to come. He cussed me, he told me he hated my guts, he told me he hoped I died. He told me not to go to sleep, because he might just kill me in my sleep. His first night living with me, he decided he was going to leave and "go find some fun." I told him he wasn't going anywhere. He told me if I tried to stop him he would kill me. I stood in front of the door, and when he raised his fist back to take a swing at me, I knocked him all the way across the room. He cried, cussed, and called me every name in the book. He informed me that he hated me, and would ALWAYS hate me. I told him I loved him, and that because I loved him I would kick his ass before I would allow him to go on like he was. Then I went outside and cried like a baby. No one wants to have to hit their child like that. Within a year I had him back. He was the sweet boy I remembered. Then he went back to live with his mother. Over the next ten years we got him out of jail over and over again, spent tens of thousands of dollars putting him through one rehab center after the other, paying for high dollar lawyers to get him out of trouble, only to watch him straighten up, go back to drugs, get in trouble all over again, then straighten up, go back to drugs, over and over. During that ten years there were several times that I had to deal with him physically. Once he pulled a gun on me. Once he was just about to bitch slap my Mother. Every time, I cried like a baby. Today he is finishing up his probation, attending church every Sunday, and seems determined to stay straight. He's the same loving boy that I knew in between all the bouts of drugs. He still loves me. I still love him. I'm sure there are several here who could share similar stories of heartaches with their children. I'm sure they all found out the same thing I did - no matter what, no matter how much it hurts, never let it get to you. It's only temporary. A better day is coming. Your daughter loves you. Her age, her emotional state, any number of things could be playing a part in things. I know it hurts - I've felt it. It's the most soul gutting experience one could ever imagine. But it will pass. Just know that you are not the one she's really angry at. You're just a safe place to take the anger out on. I feel so insignificant trying to help you, but I hope I have helped in some way. |
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Of the Pokatwat Tribe | |
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| Mark | Dec 2 2009, 07:07 PM Post #27 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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It would take me too long to learn. I better be happy before that long!
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___.___ (_]===* o 0 When I see an adult on a bicycle, I do not despair for the future of the human race. H.G. Wells | |
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| Free Rider | Dec 2 2009, 07:09 PM Post #28 |
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Fulla-Carp
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Mark it is very obvious to me that you are a amazingly caring and commited father. Anger is most often a secondary emotion. What I mean is first a person will feel helpless, inadequate, hopeless, or (this is my button) that you are being treated unfairly. Then the anger occurs AFTER that first feeling. Try to understand what you are actually dealing with, because anger is just a coping mechanism for that. I do not want to pry about the particulars about your life, but it sure sounds like you have been treated unfairly. My best advice is to get your heartrate up and sweat. Go for a walk up a hill, swing your arms work up a sweat. Seriously, the stress you are experiencing builds up all kinds of bad crap in your blood. Exercise allows the body to process and get rid of the stress chemicals. I'm not a doc but I know when I'm losing the anger battle i go out and wail on myself (bike, walk, pushups/situps, etc.) then take a long shower. It allows me to think while I breathe and get oxygen in my lungs/blood...it sounds silly, I know, but this works better than anything I know. It almost seems like your body knows this and is trying to get you to that aerobic point by pounding drums or your piano. Do it right and put on some sweats and just go outside. Tonight is probably a little late, but in the next couple of days make yourself sweat. As for you kid just keep your thoughts to yourself...go through daily greetings and small talk. The time will pass and hurt feelings will fade. The time will come when you will feel whole again. Man, hang in there. ![]() |
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| Mark | Dec 2 2009, 07:10 PM Post #29 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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God bless you Larry. You have helped me. All of you here have. I know this will pass. It's just so damn painful right now. |
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___.___ (_]===* o 0 When I see an adult on a bicycle, I do not despair for the future of the human race. H.G. Wells | |
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| kenny | Dec 2 2009, 07:17 PM Post #30 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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Larry edit your post. Do not put that across the room statement on the Internet. |
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| Larry | Dec 2 2009, 07:21 PM Post #31 |
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
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Why not? |
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Of the Pokatwat Tribe | |
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| kenny | Dec 2 2009, 07:22 PM Post #32 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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Uhm, it's a crime. |
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| Larry | Dec 2 2009, 07:23 PM Post #33 |
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
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HAHAHAHAHAHAA!!! It's no crime defending yourself, Kenny.. Besides, I don't subscribe to the notion that the government can tell me how to raise my kids. |
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Of the Pokatwat Tribe | |
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| kenny | Dec 2 2009, 07:24 PM Post #34 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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Suit yourself. |
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| Big John | Dec 2 2009, 07:29 PM Post #35 |
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Senior Carp
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kenny that's what pm's are for. It's kind of like calling the police to get them to find a cell phone number for your friend so they can call and remind her that she left her pot on the dashboard of her car in the parking lot. |
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| Mikhailoh | Dec 2 2009, 07:29 PM Post #36 |
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If you want trouble, find yourself a redhead
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Mark, I've never been where you are, but I've been on the other side of the fence. My father reacted to everything we did with anger and resentment. he got his back up at everything and thought he just had to control us, which was impossible. When we did not toe that line, which neither myself or my brothers ever did, none of the three of us, he just basically wrote any meaningful relationship with us off. It never really came back, just stayed rather superficial. What I wish for you is to never let that happen. |
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Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead - Lucille Ball | |
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| kenny | Dec 2 2009, 07:32 PM Post #37 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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BJ I intentionally did not repeat or quote what Larry wrote. Clearly he's not worried about it. I think he's nuts. |
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| Big John | Dec 2 2009, 07:35 PM Post #38 |
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Senior Carp
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Maybe I can come visit Mark on the Christmas break and bring my guitar. Or maybe not. . . http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a9JYq-mXprw&feature=player_embeddedd Edited by Big John, Dec 2 2009, 07:37 PM.
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| blondie | Dec 2 2009, 07:46 PM Post #39 |
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Bull-Carp
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I've nothing useful to say Mark, except that I feel for you and I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I waffle between anger and envy of parents with normal kids. All I wanted was a normal kid. No deal. I knew when ours was 2. Ours is 15 now. Much effort, money has been devoted to it. I haven't cried so much as I have this year. I hear the "fvck yous" almost daily. And worse. It takes great patience to choose battles, to prioritize, to know when to fight or walk. Ours is 6'1". Some days at 5'4" I get scared. Other days it's like cradling a 2 yr old. I'm most often alone with it. Raging hormones, impulsiveness, depression. It goes on & on. I've never felt so inadequate as I do now. Ours is why I stayed home in the first place. I predicted this back when. I try stay on top of it. I can't talk much of it. Some days a good stiff drink helps when it's time to sleep. Sometimes exercising to exhaustion helps me feel less anger. Often just reading, posting here is distracting enough. I take 2 trips a year alone just to remember what's it's like to be normal. I can't think about it all the time. But I worry of the future. Especially of when I'm gone and ours is alone. Cliche, but it's truly one day at a time. Here's a for you sweetie. You need it.
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| Aqua Letifer | Dec 2 2009, 07:47 PM Post #40 |
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ZOOOOOM!
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I'm sorry, Mark. ![]() Larry's right about this. I dunno if this helps but I love my parents very much, but you have absolutely no idea the kind of horrendous stuff I'd say to them growing up. I mean, not only did I say the most nasty and vile things under the sun, when that no longer worked I got creative, too. (My parents dished out some of their own too, and I don't blame them for it at all.) It was a long phase with me. I was pretty freaking self destructive at times. These days, my relationship with my parents is shaky but it's for different reasons. We've since rectified the problem of being mean to one another, and that doesn't go on anymore. It was just a real bad phase I went through and thank God my parents understood that. It'll pass, man, and whatever the circumstances your family still loves ya.
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| I cite irreconcilable differences. | |
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| brenda | Dec 2 2009, 07:49 PM Post #41 |
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..............
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Mark, my prayers are with you and your child. You will come through this together and whole. God bless you. |
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“Weeds are flowers, too, once you get to know them.” ~A.A. Milne | |
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| QuirtEvans | Dec 2 2009, 08:00 PM Post #42 |
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I Owe It All To John D'Oh
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I was about to say this exact thing. Kids say stuff they don't mean all the time. Sometimes they don't even mean it in the heat of the moment, they say it for the reaction ... sometimes they aren't horrified about what they said until later. Don't let it get to you. One of the things I'm proud of with my kids is that, sometimes, after one of those things, they'll come and tell me they didn't mean it. That's something I could never have done, at their age. |
| It would be unwise to underestimate what large groups of ill-informed people acting together can achieve. -- John D'Oh, January 14, 2010. | |
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| Mikhailoh | Dec 2 2009, 08:08 PM Post #43 |
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If you want trouble, find yourself a redhead
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At their age? How about now?
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Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead - Lucille Ball | |
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| brenda | Dec 2 2009, 08:11 PM Post #44 |
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..............
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Been waiting for this one.
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“Weeds are flowers, too, once you get to know them.” ~A.A. Milne | |
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| QuirtEvans | Dec 2 2009, 08:16 PM Post #45 |
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I Owe It All To John D'Oh
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I had a personal bet as to who would jump on that first. I was betting on George, but you'll do. |
| It would be unwise to underestimate what large groups of ill-informed people acting together can achieve. -- John D'Oh, January 14, 2010. | |
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| brenda | Dec 2 2009, 08:17 PM Post #46 |
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..............
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I was tempted, but I knew it would mean more to one of the others. I'm generous.
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“Weeds are flowers, too, once you get to know them.” ~A.A. Milne | |
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| Mikhailoh | Dec 2 2009, 08:18 PM Post #47 |
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If you want trouble, find yourself a redhead
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Oh, c'mon. You know you bet on me first.
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Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead - Lucille Ball | |
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| Jolly | Dec 2 2009, 08:35 PM Post #48 |
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Geaux Tigers!
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A story: (Yeah, I know...another damn story. Well, I'm part coonass, all Southern and it's the only way we know how to communicate. Just be glad I'm not there in person, waving my hands while I talk.) Let's name names and point fingers... My first cousin was an over-achiever. Got his college degree in the 1950's from Louisiana Tech, when a lot of folks down here didn't even graduate from high school. Made a pretty decent civil engineer, specialized in building bridges. Worked his way up the corporate ladder to be the senior VP of a little outfit you may have heard of...Brown & Root. Married a great gal, had three kids a girl and two boys.. All three kids went to UT in Austin, the two boys went on athletic scholarships, one of them was an Olympic alternate. Both of the boys made engineers...last time I talked to them they were down in Mexico building bridges for the Mexican government. Janey? The girl? Well, Janey made a drug addict. And a lot like Larry's tale, her daddy fished her out of every jail, back alley and gutter from Miami to San Francisco. Good thing he was a multi-millionaire, because he showered money on that girl like tossing doubloons off of a Mardi Gras float...he cut checks to this rehab, that rehab, this hospital and the church down the street. The man walked away from the capstone job of his career, and his wife went about half-nuts, trying to save Janey from herself. But nothing, absolutely nothing they did seemed to stop her downward spiral. For a long time Janey's parents did not know where she was. Finally, my cousin received a call from the cops in Atlanta, Janey was back in jail. He drove down to the airport in Houston and caught an early morning flight to go see about her, something he had done too many times. This time, though, things were different...he finally came to the realization that nothing he could do, could fix the problem. Only Janey could do that. And that's what he told her, when he saw her in the Atlanta jail. He told her she was always welcome at home, as long as she wasn't carrying drugs or using at the time. That when she was ready to quit, she could quit. He would always be there to offer a shoulder to cry on, a voice to cheer her on, a hot meal, a clean room or funds for legitimate medical expenses, but from here on out, she was on her on. Then he slowly got up, told his daughter good-bye and walked out of the room. He never saw her again. This story has no happy ending. My cousin went to his grave, never knowing what happened to his daughter after she got out of jail in Georgia. The story does have an essential Truth, though...No matter how much you love your kids, no matter how much money you throw at their problem, it's still THEIR problem. A problem only they can fix. They can be helped, but only if they want the help. At the end of the day, the only person one can change is themselves. |
| The main obstacle to a stable and just world order is the United States.- George Soros | |
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| Red Rice | Dec 2 2009, 09:17 PM Post #49 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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Mark, I don't have any relevant stories to share. But I'm wondering if she said what she said to you partly because she knew that you, of all the people in the world, would still be able to love her in spite of the pain and rage she flung at you. We say things to the people we love that we would never say to anyone else. |
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Civilisation, I vaguely realized then - and subsequent observation has confirmed the view - could not progress that way. It must have a greater guiding principle to survive. To treat it as a carcase off which each man tears as much as he can for himself, is to stand convicted a brute, fit for nothing better than a jungle existence, which is a death-struggle, leading nowhither. I did not believe that was the human destiny, for Man individually was sane and reasonable, only collectively a fool. I hope the gunner of that Hun two-seater shot him clean, bullet to heart, and that his plane, on fire, fell like a meteor through the sky he loved. Since he had to end, I hope he ended so. But, oh, the waste! The loss! - Cecil Lewis | |
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| Aqua Letifer | Dec 2 2009, 09:51 PM Post #50 |
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ZOOOOOM!
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QFT. |
| I cite irreconcilable differences. | |
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