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Anger
Topic Started: Dec 1 2009, 10:40 AM (1,087 Views)
Mark
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HOLY CARP!!!
What is be the best way to get rid of it?

What is the best way to "manage" it?

Is it a necessary emotion?

Do we "need" to vocalize our anger?

Should one suppress all/most/some anger and not vocalize it ever?
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o 0
When I see an adult on a bicycle, I do not despair for the future of the human race. H.G. Wells
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Red Rice
HOLY CARP!!!
The best way to get rid of it is to have someone sympathetic to vent to.

Otherwise I pound the punching bag until I'm too tired to lift my arms.
Civilisation, I vaguely realized then - and subsequent observation has confirmed the view - could not progress that way. It must have a greater guiding principle to survive. To treat it as a carcase off which each man tears as much as he can for himself, is to stand convicted a brute, fit for nothing better than a jungle existence, which is a death-struggle, leading nowhither. I did not believe that was the human destiny, for Man individually was sane and reasonable, only collectively a fool.

I hope the gunner of that Hun two-seater shot him clean, bullet to heart, and that his plane, on fire, fell like a meteor through the sky he loved. Since he had to end, I hope he ended so. But, oh, the waste! The loss!

- Cecil Lewis
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kenny
HOLY CARP!!!
Excellent topic.
As a kid with a drunk father that tortured all 4 kids and his wife I got wired to not have anger.

10 years ago I spent a few years in therapy learned that anger is an appropriate healthy reaction to some things.
I think some religions want people to suppress and forgive instead of reacting in a natural and healthy way.

One thing that helps me is to not let it build up.
I let little amounts out immediately when appropriate, in appropriate ways.

Venting here can help.
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apple
one of the angels
devices.. the little things I do to keep myself in check... stupid things, like touch your toes 3 times, or take 3 breaths, take a walk. .. drink some tea.

It sounds simplistic but you can train yourself.

-apple, who is always ready to go off.

it behooves me to behold
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QuirtEvans
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I Owe It All To John D'Oh
The best way to get rid of it is not to have it in the first place. For some people, that's hard to learn.
It would be unwise to underestimate what large groups of ill-informed people acting together can achieve. -- John D'Oh, January 14, 2010.
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blondie
Bull-Carp
My mother would say prayer is the answer for these things.
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kenny
HOLY CARP!!!
apple
Dec 1 2009, 10:48 AM
devices.. the little things I do to keep myself in check... stupid things, like touch your toes 3 times, or take 3 breaths, take a walk. .. drink some tea.

It sounds simplistic but you can train yourself.

-apple, who is always ready to go off.

Yikes!
What good does that do?

Why not deal with the person or thing that got you angry, resolving things instead of suppressing them?
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DivaDeb
HOLY CARP!!!
QuirtEvans
Dec 1 2009, 10:48 AM
The best way to get rid of it is not to have it in the first place. For some people, that's hard to learn.
bravo, Counselor
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Phlebas
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Bull-Carp
Mark
Dec 1 2009, 10:40 AM
What is be the best way to get rid of it?

What is the best way to "manage" it?

Is it a necessary emotion?

Do we "need" to vocalize our anger?

Should one suppress all/most/some anger and not vocalize it ever?
Analyze, and identify what is making you angry, and try to positively address the source of the anger.

If, for example, I lash out at Kenny on TNCR, it's probably not because I'm angry with Kenny. There is something else that's making me angry. Find out what that is, and deal with it. That will make you happier, and less angry overall.

Why does road rage happen? Is it because someone got cut off in traffic? No. It's because someone is angry at something else - or they're angry towards themselves, and their reactions to things.
Random FML: Today, I was fired by my boss in front of my coworkers. It would have been nice if I could have left the building before they started celebrating. FML

The founding of the bulk of the world's nation states post 1914 is based on self-defined nationalisms. The bulk of those national movements involve territory that was ethnically mixed. The foundation of many of those nation states involved population movements in the aftermath. When the only one that is repeatedly held up as unjust and unjustifiable is the Zionist project, the term anti-semitism may very well be appropriate. - P*D


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Aqua Letifer
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ZOOOOOM!
DivaDeb
Dec 1 2009, 10:52 AM
QuirtEvans
Dec 1 2009, 10:48 AM
The best way to get rid of it is not to have it in the first place. For some people, that's hard to learn.
bravo, Counselor
Yeah, I dunno if that's the healthiest thing.
I cite irreconcilable differences.
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DivaDeb
HOLY CARP!!!
I do not think "vocalizing" and "suppressing" anger are direct opposites. There are other ways to dissipate anger besides yacking about it, some negative (self-destructive or other-destructive behaviors) and some positive (release of energy through something besides the mouth). I tend to scrub floors, pull weeds, or get on my bike to allay some of the adrenalin or whatever it is that accompanies an initial response to an offense. Anger is certainly an appropriate initial reaction to injustice, but I definitely try to steer clear of letting it turn into something ugly and continuous. It works a lot better for me to work through the initial emotive response on my own so that I can think before I open my mouth.
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Mikhailoh
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If you want trouble, find yourself a redhead
I always feel better after I kick their ass.
Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead - Lucille Ball
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DivaDeb
HOLY CARP!!!
Mikhailoh
Dec 1 2009, 11:05 AM
I always feel better after I kick their ass.
you are so Irish :)
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Jolly
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Geaux Tigers!
The older I get, the less angry I am.

By the time I'm 300, I'll have this problem licked...
The main obstacle to a stable and just world order is the United States.- George Soros
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Aqua Letifer
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ZOOOOOM!
Okay that makes sense. Quirt seemed to be implying that one's better off never allowing anger to be felt, and that's what I disagreed with. Sometimes we have no right to get angry, sure. But the world's full of bad people and sh!tty circumstances and they'll affect our lives at some point, you bet. In those cases I think anger can be a perfectly healthy response.
I cite irreconcilable differences.
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Mikhailoh
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If you want trouble, find yourself a redhead
In truth it has been a long time since anyone ticked me off that bad. Right around the time I started having something to get sued for. :lol:
Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead - Lucille Ball
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Dan
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Senior Carp
Mikhailoh
Dec 1 2009, 11:05 AM
I always feel better after I kick their ass.
and THEN you can forgive them! I like your style . . .
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kenny
HOLY CARP!!!
Phlebas
Dec 1 2009, 10:58 AM
If, for example, I lash out at Kenny on TNCR, it's probably not because I'm angry with Kenny.
There is something else that's making me angry.
Find out what that is, and deal with it.
That will make you happier, and less angry overall.
Exactly.
Suppressed anger builds up and shows up in other places.

Learn to accept anger as natural and healthy and practice reacting to it immediately and releasing it in appropriate ways.
People are balloons and anger is air.
We can only build up so much before we explode.
Let little bits out appropriately right away.

This takes practice if you, like many, have been taught anger is bad and is to be avoided.
You need to experiment with yourself starting with little things.

Yesterday I bought a box of 20 Ice Cream sandwiches at Costco.
I opened the box when I got to my car because I wanted one.
Good thing I did.

I didn't even need to open the individual package to feel what was wrong.
Instead of being flat they were all pear-shaped blobs.
Clearly at some point they had thawed out and then been refrozen.

Not a huge deal, but I was a little angry - angry enough to immediately return them and to politely express my annoyance to the customer service rep.
I held up one of the pear-shaped packages.
She apologized and gave me my money back.

If I had just accepted the ice cream blobs I would have felt like I was once again screwed by this F-ed up world . . .

Now this is a small thing but I imagine some people would just have taken them home and eaten them.
They would get 20 reminders of how being nice instead of standing up for yourself can result in you feeling like you are getting the short end of the stick in life.
20 little blasts of air into their tightly-sealed balloon of politeness.

Okay the ice cream is a lame example.
The example doesn't matter.
What matters is you feeling empowered to stand up for yourself when needed.
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Dewey
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HOLY CARP!!!
Quote:
 
What is be the best way to get rid of it?


By accurately understanding, and eliminating or at least minimizing, the circumstances that caused it - along with analyzing whether anger is a legitimate response to the situation; and if not, figuring out why you actually are angered.

Quote:
 
What is the best way to "manage" it?


See above - plus, having someone to share the anger with, who can empathize, analyze, and when necessary, challenge - at the appropriate times.

Quote:
 
Is it a necessary emotion?


Absolutely. It isn't inherently wrong; often it is perfectly normal, understandable, and the right thing to feel. That, plus at times it may even save your life.

Quote:
 
Do we "need" to vocalize our anger?


Usually, yes - particularly with the big stuff. But sometimes not to the person you feel like vocalizing it to, and regardless of to whom, not always at the precise time and place that you feel like doing so.

Quote:
 
Should one suppress all/most/some anger and not vocalize it ever?


That would be a very bad, and unhealthy thing. there are lots of things in our lives, and in the world, for which anger is the only right response. The trick is getting to the next step, where constructive things are possible.



"By nature, i prefer brevity." - John Calvin, Institutes of the Christian Religion, p. 685.

"Never waste your time trying to explain yourself to people who are committed to misunderstanding you." - Anonymous

"Oh sure, every once in a while a turd floated by, but other than that it was just fine." - Joe A., 2011

I'll answer your other comments later, but my primary priority for the rest of the evening is to get drunk." - Klaus, 12/31/14
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PattyP
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Senior Carp
Even Christ became angry. Anger is a perfectly normal emotional response. It's how we respond to it and what we do as a result of it that's important.

Ignoring or suppressing our anger is asking for real trouble. It's OK to get angry. Just don't hurt yourself or anyone else.

Use it constructively. My house never was cleaned so well as when I was PO'd at my ex. Now I have a cleaning lady. :D

A tired dog is a good dog.

"Dogs' lives are too short...their only fault, really."
A.S. Turnbull
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Aqua Letifer
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ZOOOOOM!
kenny
 
What matters is you feeling empowered to stand up for yourself when needed.


That's really important, yeah. I think it's weird how we can't really do a lot of this anymore -- when an ass kicking is exactly what's called for, you'll be spending a night in jail, followed by possibly hefty fines, a lawsuit and anger management classes.

But even so, when people can hide behind lawsuits and other things, we all tend to bend over backwards to avoid any kind of confrontation. Conflict makes us all so uncomfortable. So we talk about others when they're not around, make comments with snide undertones and pull other passive-aggressive bullsh!t because we don't have the stones to be direct.

Anger and conflict are very poorly managed, IMHO. A return to duels and barroom brawls would be an improvement from the crap we use these days.
I cite irreconcilable differences.
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kenny
HOLY CARP!!!
I think physical fights happen because the balloons of both people are so overinflated from thousands of smaller ice-cream-sandwich-like events.

The barroom event is just the pin.
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John D'Oh
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MAMIL
PattyP
Dec 1 2009, 11:14 AM
Now I have a cleaning lady.
CLEANING WOMAN????

Posted Image

Well, the thread's about anger management after all.
What do you mean "we", have you got a mouse in your pocket?
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QuirtEvans
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I Owe It All To John D'Oh
Aqua Letifer
Dec 1 2009, 11:08 AM
Okay that makes sense. Quirt seemed to be implying that one's better off never allowing anger to be felt, and that's what I disagreed with. Sometimes we have no right to get angry, sure. But the world's full of bad people and sh!tty circumstances and they'll affect our lives at some point, you bet. In those cases I think anger can be a perfectly healthy response.
No, not really.

What I meant is this: anger occurs when there is something in the world that is not the way you want it to be. Sometimes, that anger is justified ... but often it isn't, because it isn't something you have the right or the ability to control. There's no point being angry at an earthquake. You can't control it.

And sometimes your anger is completely out of proportion to what's wrong with the world. That's where you have to start wondering whether something else is bothering you.
It would be unwise to underestimate what large groups of ill-informed people acting together can achieve. -- John D'Oh, January 14, 2010.
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Aqua Letifer
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ZOOOOOM!
kenny
Dec 1 2009, 11:22 AM
I think physical fights happen because the balloons of both people are so overinflated from thousands of smaller ice-cream-sandwich-like events.

The barroom event is just the pin.
I don't think so. At least not in my experience. Sometimes things get physical because the infraction really is that serious.

EDIT
That's not to to say that fights over a little bit of lost pride over spilled beer don't happen. They do. But not always.
I cite irreconcilable differences.
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