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Extremely corny jokes....
Topic Started: Apr 18 2009, 09:08 PM (6,025 Views)
Larry
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
Why don't blind people like to sky dive?
Because it scares the dog.

How are a Texas tornado and an Alabama divorce the same?
Somebody's gonna lose a trailer.

What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?
A bad golfer goes "whack - dang." A bad skydiver goes "Dang - whack"..

Why did the Pilgrims' pants always fall down?
Because they wore their buckle on their hat.

What's the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The location of the dirtbag.

What kind of coffee did they serve on the Titanic?
Sanka.

Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Wherever you put him last...

Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers...

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef....

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck...

What do you call 4 bullfighters in quicksand?
Quattro Sinko...

What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?
A stick.

What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
Polaroids..

How do you make Holy Water?
Boil the hell out of it...

How do crazy people get through the forest?
They take the psycho path...

How do you catch a unique rabbit?
Unique up on it......

How do you catch a tame rabbit?
Tame way....

Of the Pokatwat Tribe

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brenda
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..............
I remember my dad telling some of those jokes, Larry! Thanks for the laughs. Daughter and I enjoyed these.
“Weeds are flowers, too, once you get to know them.”
~A.A. Milne
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Mikhailoh
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If you want trouble, find yourself a redhead
Polaroids..LOL.

Yep. Those are oldies but goodies.
Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead - Lucille Ball
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ivorythumper
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I am so adjective that I verb nouns!
I has a corny....
The dogma lives loudly within me.
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George K
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Finally
In a loud bar during spring break in Panama City, Florida, a guy approaches an attractive female and says " Hay thar hunny. Ware you go t' skool at?"

The young lady replied "Yale" to which he screamed "I SAY WARE YOU GO T' SKOOL AT!!!!"


=-=-=-=-=-=
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Pavlov.
Pavlov who?
I got you to say "who's there" didn't I!?
A guide to GKSR: Click

"Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... "
- Mik, 6/14/08


Nothing is as effective as homeopathy.

I'd rather listen to an hour of Abba than an hour of The Beatles.
- Klaus, 4/29/18
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Larry
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
George K
Apr 19 2009, 09:39 AM
In a loud bar during spring break in Panama City, Florida, a guy approaches an attractive female and says " Hay thar hunny. Ware you go t' skool at?"

The young lady replied "Yale" to which he screamed "I SAY WARE YOU GO T' SKOOL AT!!!!"

:spit: :clap: :lol2:
Of the Pokatwat Tribe

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NAK
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Senior Carp
George K
Apr 19 2009, 09:39 AM
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Pavlov.
Pavlov who?
I got you to say "who's there" didn't I!?
I doesn't get it. :(
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George K
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Finally
NAK
Apr 19 2009, 07:10 PM
George K
Apr 19 2009, 09:39 AM
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Pavlov.
Pavlov who?
I got you to say "who's there" didn't I!?
I doesn't get it. :(
Classical Conditioning is a form of associative learning that was first demonstrated by Ivan Pavlov.[1] The typical procedure for inducing classical conditioning involves presentations of a neutral stimulus along with a stimulus of some significance. The neutral stimulus could be any event that does not result in an overt behavioral response from the organism under investigation.

Pavlov noticed that, rather than simply salivating in the presence of meat powder (an innate response to food that he called the unconditioned response), the dogs began to salivate in the presence of the lab technician who normally fed them. Pavlov called these psychic secretions. From this observation he predicted that, if a particular stimulus in the dog’s surroundings were present when the dog was presented with meat powder, then this stimulus would become associated with food and cause salivation on its own. In his initial experiment, Pavlov used a metronome to call the dogs to their food and, after a few repetitions, the dogs started to salivate in response to the metronome. Thus, a neutral stimulus (metronome) became a conditioned stimulus (CS) as a result of consistent pairing with the unconditioned stimulus (US - meat powder in this example). Pavlov referred to this learned relationship as a conditional reflex (now called Conditioned Response).

A guide to GKSR: Click

"Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... "
- Mik, 6/14/08


Nothing is as effective as homeopathy.

I'd rather listen to an hour of Abba than an hour of The Beatles.
- Klaus, 4/29/18
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NAK
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Senior Carp
Oooooooooh...

:confused:

:D
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Larry
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
Here's an even better way to explain it, NAK.

You go out on your first date and fumble around and get your hand inside the girl's blouse and touch her boob. It feels so good that you get an erection. Over time you date other girls, and you feel their boobs. Each one's boobs feel really good, and you get an erection. Soon you come to know that women have boobs, boobs feel good, and feeling them gives you an erection.

Now, every time you see a woman with a nice set of boobs, you get an erection.

Pavlov.

:D
Of the Pokatwat Tribe

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NAK
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Senior Carp
Larry
Apr 19 2009, 07:57 PM
Now, every time you see a woman with a nice set of boobs, you get an erection.

Pavlov.
So he's the one resposible for my many embarrassing moments on the bus. :mad2:
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Frank_W
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Resident Misanthrope
I remember being a teenager in church... "All rise for the singing of hymn 354."

Indeed.... All wearin' those flimsy polyester slacks, too. :weeping:
Anatomy Prof: "The human body has about 20 sq. meters of skin."
Me: "Man, that's a lot of lampshades!"
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Larry
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
Hymn 354 made you horny? :D
Of the Pokatwat Tribe

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Frank_W
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Resident Misanthrope
:lol2: "He Is Risen." (Oh yes. Yes he is...)
Anatomy Prof: "The human body has about 20 sq. meters of skin."
Me: "Man, that's a lot of lampshades!"
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brenda
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..............
So that's why heavy denim is so popular with some of you guys. Got it.
“Weeds are flowers, too, once you get to know them.”
~A.A. Milne
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Frank_W
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Resident Misanthrope
:lol2:
Anatomy Prof: "The human body has about 20 sq. meters of skin."
Me: "Man, that's a lot of lampshades!"
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Larry
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
Heavy denim doesn't hel..... :whome:


never mind.....
Of the Pokatwat Tribe

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Frank_W
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Resident Misanthrope
:lol2: No... No, it doesn't.
Anatomy Prof: "The human body has about 20 sq. meters of skin."
Me: "Man, that's a lot of lampshades!"
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John D'Oh
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MAMIL
Sometimes a picture's worth a thousand words

Posted Image
What do you mean "we", have you got a mouse in your pocket?
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Frank_W
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Resident Misanthrope
Hahahahahahaa..... That's terrifying! You'd almost expect a panel to lift with a hydraulic "whoosh!" and an automatic gun to start blatting out rounds. :lol2:
Anatomy Prof: "The human body has about 20 sq. meters of skin."
Me: "Man, that's a lot of lampshades!"
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Larry
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
When I look at that picture it makes my feet hurt. It reminds me of how my toes feel when I put on shoes that are too short......
Of the Pokatwat Tribe

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VPG
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Pisa-Carp
The graveside service just barely finished, when there was massive
clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied
by even more thunder rumbling in the distance. The little old man looked
at the pastor and calmly said, 'Well, she's there!
I'M NOT YELLING.........I'M ITALIAN...........THAT'S HOW WE TALK!


"People say that we're in a time when there are no heroes, they just don't know where to look."
Ronald Reagan, Inaugural, 1971

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Frank_W
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Resident Misanthrope
:lol2:
Anatomy Prof: "The human body has about 20 sq. meters of skin."
Me: "Man, that's a lot of lampshades!"
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Frank_W
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Resident Misanthrope
HER DIARY:

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it.

Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much.

I asked him what was wrong; he said, "Nothing." I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.

On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior. I don't know why he didn't say, "I love you, too."

When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent.

Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. To my surprise, he responded to my caress and we made love. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else.

He fell asleep--I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.



His Diary:

Bike wouldn't start today, but at least I got laid.
Anatomy Prof: "The human body has about 20 sq. meters of skin."
Me: "Man, that's a lot of lampshades!"
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VPG
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Pisa-Carp
I know it's not a contest, but you win Frank!!!!!
I'M NOT YELLING.........I'M ITALIAN...........THAT'S HOW WE TALK!


"People say that we're in a time when there are no heroes, they just don't know where to look."
Ronald Reagan, Inaugural, 1971

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