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| Letter to my landscaper. | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Mar 31 2009, 08:52 AM (753 Views) | |
| Dewey | Mar 31 2009, 08:52 AM Post #1 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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March 31, 2009 Smith Landscaping, Inc. To Whom It May Concern: Yesterday morning, my wife and I were discussing the proposal for annual landscape maintenance that you had recently sent us. My wife mentioned that your company had made several phones calls to the house that she hadn't yet returned, apparently about the outstanding proposal, and that she wanted to finalize our plans and call to let you know that we’d be putting the proposal in the mail. However, when she called your office, she was told that the calls weren’t about the proposal at all. Rather, they were concerning a past due balance on our account. This surprised my wife, who wasn’t aware of any unpaid Smith Landscaping invoices in our “to be paid” file. When she said this, she was told that the unpaid balance was actually a late-payment penalty, as our last invoice had not been paid within 30 days. The amount which your company had been repeatedly contacting us? $3.55. I understand that under the terms and conditions of your proposals, you have the right to assess and collect late-payment penalties. As a business owner myself, I also understand that a business must be able to have some reasonable reliance not only on total billings, but also on timely payments and general cash flow. I am sure that your company, like most, and certainly like my own, have been negatively effected by the current economic situation, and that you are trying to do what you can to weather difficult times. While I can’t guarantee this, I’d be willing to bet significantly more than $3.55 that my own business and household have an even more urgent understanding of current economic times than does Smith Landscaping. Even during the best of economic times, our household is of relatively modest financial means. We can’t afford to spend much on landscaping concerns; in fact, the sum total of our landscaping needs over the past several years wouldn’t register more than a momentary tick on the meter of your company’s business operations. Still, we have gone consistently and exclusively to your company to meet whatever needs we had. I did this out of my decade-long relationship as both friend and fellow zoning commissioner with Mr. Smith, the founder of your company, and we haven’t had any thought about changing this situation in the future. Calling our home repeatedly to collect a $3.55 late-payment penalty has changed this situation. In the past, my architectural firm has provided services to [Smith Company B]. Several times during those projects, I wrote off additional architectural services, valued in the hundreds of dollars, that I had a right to invoice for – but I chose not to, for several reasons. [Smith Company B] was a client in good standing, and with a high likelihood of retaining our firm for future projects. Plus, there was some obvious good will between Mr. Smith and myself. The third reason I didn’t try to collect was more pragmatic: I knew that I would spend more time explaining, justifying, debating, and in general, trying to collect, for the legitimate additional services than they would actually be worth to me. There was no sound business justification for trying to do so. I understand that there is no business connection between Smith Landscaping and [Smith Company B], and that these situations have no actual connection. I only point out that reality to make clear that there is an important difference between what a business has a right to do, and what is wise to do. I suggest that in repeatedly pursuing a $3.55 late-payment penalty in this manner - while simultaneously holding out your other hand, asking us for another year’s contract for non-essential services, and to do so to a customer who you had every reason to be a good, if small, long-term customer - was an example of the latter. Silly things happen to us all, every day, and they go by without any further notice. But some incidents are so breathtakingly stupid and insulting that they can’t pass by without comment. This is one of those times. Your decision to assess and pursue this ridiculously small charge shows a complete lack of any good business sense – not to mention a similar lack of any simple common sense. Your decision to pursue that charge has resulted in my wife and I deciding not to contract with Smith Landscaping for landscape maintenance this year, or in future years. Enclosed please find a check for the $3.55 that we owe you, making our business relationship paid in full, and concluded.
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"By nature, i prefer brevity." - John Calvin, Institutes of the Christian Religion, p. 685. "Never waste your time trying to explain yourself to people who are committed to misunderstanding you." - Anonymous "Oh sure, every once in a while a turd floated by, but other than that it was just fine." - Joe A., 2011 I'll answer your other comments later, but my primary priority for the rest of the evening is to get drunk." - Klaus, 12/31/14 | |
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| Frank_W | Mar 31 2009, 08:57 AM Post #2 |
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Resident Misanthrope
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Good. I couldn't agree more. This, however, reads very awkwardly: (The last sentence, in particular)
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Anatomy Prof: "The human body has about 20 sq. meters of skin." Me: "Man, that's a lot of lampshades!" | |
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| Aqua Letifer | Mar 31 2009, 08:58 AM Post #3 |
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ZOOOOOM!
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![]() They have a right to ask for you to pay the balance, but that doesn't exonerate them from being douchebags for doing so. |
| I cite irreconcilable differences. | |
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| Mark | Mar 31 2009, 08:58 AM Post #4 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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Wow. The stupidity of people never ceases to amaze. Excellent letter and proper action on your part!
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___.___ (_]===* o 0 When I see an adult on a bicycle, I do not despair for the future of the human race. H.G. Wells | |
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| kluurs | Mar 31 2009, 09:03 AM Post #5 |
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Fulla-Carp
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Nicely done. |
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| Dewey | Mar 31 2009, 09:03 AM Post #6 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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"Repeatedly pursuing a $3.55 late-payment penalty from a small, but good, customer - while simultaneously asking that customer for another year’s contract to provide truly non-essential services - is an example of the latter." |
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"By nature, i prefer brevity." - John Calvin, Institutes of the Christian Religion, p. 685. "Never waste your time trying to explain yourself to people who are committed to misunderstanding you." - Anonymous "Oh sure, every once in a while a turd floated by, but other than that it was just fine." - Joe A., 2011 I'll answer your other comments later, but my primary priority for the rest of the evening is to get drunk." - Klaus, 12/31/14 | |
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| Frank_W | Mar 31 2009, 09:05 AM Post #7 |
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Resident Misanthrope
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Excellent letter.
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Anatomy Prof: "The human body has about 20 sq. meters of skin." Me: "Man, that's a lot of lampshades!" | |
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| ivorythumper | Mar 31 2009, 09:12 AM Post #8 |
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I am so adjective that I verb nouns!
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Cf Calvin, Institutes, p. 685. But I suspect it was wonderfully cathartic for you. .
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| The dogma lives loudly within me. | |
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| Dewey | Mar 31 2009, 09:15 AM Post #9 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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Written in my head on the way home from Pittsburgh last night - I suppose if the trip had been shorter, so would the letter. I'm sure I could have gotten it all the way down to two words if I'd wanted.
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"By nature, i prefer brevity." - John Calvin, Institutes of the Christian Religion, p. 685. "Never waste your time trying to explain yourself to people who are committed to misunderstanding you." - Anonymous "Oh sure, every once in a while a turd floated by, but other than that it was just fine." - Joe A., 2011 I'll answer your other comments later, but my primary priority for the rest of the evening is to get drunk." - Klaus, 12/31/14 | |
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| Frank_W | Mar 31 2009, 09:18 AM Post #10 |
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Resident Misanthrope
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Yeah.. there's a lot to be said for the brevity of a well-placed, "**** YOU!!!!"
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Anatomy Prof: "The human body has about 20 sq. meters of skin." Me: "Man, that's a lot of lampshades!" | |
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| Renauda | Mar 31 2009, 09:19 AM Post #11 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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Justice served Dewey. I would have done the same. |
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| Pianolicious | Mar 31 2009, 09:20 AM Post #12 |
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Senior Carp
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No offense, but it's way too wordy. Too many infinitives, prepositional phrases and an overused passive voice. You don't dispute the claim. You affirm their right to charge it. Yet you upbraid them for not being compassionate, like you are. I would call and question them and not play the victim over $3.55, especially when you affirm their business practices early in the letter. Chances are that a polite phone call can get things like that reversed, and maybe re-affirm a business relationship in the process. Maybe you could use the call to invite someone to church. That's what I'd do anyway. I am the king of reversed late fees. Who knows? Maybe, if you use sugar instead of vinegar, they might offer you 10% off your next services, turning a liability into profit. |
| Sit tibi vita longa et omnia bona!!! -- Dr. Spock | |
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| Aqua Letifer | Mar 31 2009, 09:30 AM Post #13 |
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ZOOOOOM!
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Well, those are separate issues: what he's claiming vs. how he's wording it. The wording is a bit roundabout but still professional, so I think it's okay. As for the claim, well... yeah. Of course they have the right to charge the penalty. The point is, it's a douche move and it can kill a business relationship; Dewey's threat to do just that isn't incompassionate on his part, in my opinion. It's based on the nitpickery of the landscaping business. If you wanna do an "up yours" letter, this is a fine way to go about it in my opinion. But if you want to salvage future business contracts with the company, yeah, I'd take your advice instead. |
| I cite irreconcilable differences. | |
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| Mikhailoh | Mar 31 2009, 09:32 AM Post #14 |
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If you want trouble, find yourself a redhead
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Yeah, well, I suspect Mr. Dewey and myself might find ourselves out in the yard a lot more this summer than last. Like he said - non-essential services. We let go of our cleaning ladies, and I suspect I'll be taking care of the yard this year myself. Which I just hate doing. |
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Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead - Lucille Ball | |
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| Dewey | Mar 31 2009, 09:40 AM Post #15 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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PL, don't forget - the whole thing started with a phone call, and the sort of conversation that you suggest took place during that call - that's how this all started, because of an employee telling my wife, "I'm sorry, this is just our policy, we have to ask you to pay this at your earliest convenience." |
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"By nature, i prefer brevity." - John Calvin, Institutes of the Christian Religion, p. 685. "Never waste your time trying to explain yourself to people who are committed to misunderstanding you." - Anonymous "Oh sure, every once in a while a turd floated by, but other than that it was just fine." - Joe A., 2011 I'll answer your other comments later, but my primary priority for the rest of the evening is to get drunk." - Klaus, 12/31/14 | |
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| Phlebas | Mar 31 2009, 09:42 AM Post #16 |
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Bull-Carp
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I would have said the same thing as the letter, but not as nicely. "I've been a customer for over 10 years, and now you're nickle-and-diming me for $3.55? I don't ever want to see your guys on my property again, and here's a bill for $20.00 for the azaleas you trampled on last year." |
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Random FML: Today, I was fired by my boss in front of my coworkers. It would have been nice if I could have left the building before they started celebrating. FML The founding of the bulk of the world's nation states post 1914 is based on self-defined nationalisms. The bulk of those national movements involve territory that was ethnically mixed. The foundation of many of those nation states involved population movements in the aftermath. When the only one that is repeatedly held up as unjust and unjustifiable is the Zionist project, the term anti-semitism may very well be appropriate. - P*D | |
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| JBryan | Mar 31 2009, 10:57 AM Post #17 |
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I am the grey one
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I would figure them to be too stupid to mow my grass and would have no interest in reviving a business relationship with them. |
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"Any man who would make an X rated movie should be forced to take his daughter to see it". - John Wayne There is a line we cross when we go from "I will believe it when I see it" to "I will see it when I believe it". Henry II: I marvel at you after all these years. Still like a democratic drawbridge: going down for everybody. Eleanor: At my age there's not much traffic anymore. From The Lion in Winter. | |
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| RosemaryTwo | Mar 31 2009, 11:04 AM Post #18 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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Go Dewey! |
| "Perhaps the thing to do is just to let stupid run its course." Aqua | |
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| QuirtEvans | Mar 31 2009, 11:08 AM Post #19 |
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I Owe It All To John D'Oh
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I get aggravated when people don't see the larger picture, too. They spent more than $3.55 in labor costs pursuing the $3.55 they thought they were owed. |
| It would be unwise to underestimate what large groups of ill-informed people acting together can achieve. -- John D'Oh, January 14, 2010. | |
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| JBryan | Mar 31 2009, 11:08 AM Post #20 |
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I am the grey one
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Yeah, but they sure showed him, didn't they. |
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"Any man who would make an X rated movie should be forced to take his daughter to see it". - John Wayne There is a line we cross when we go from "I will believe it when I see it" to "I will see it when I believe it". Henry II: I marvel at you after all these years. Still like a democratic drawbridge: going down for everybody. Eleanor: At my age there's not much traffic anymore. From The Lion in Winter. | |
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| apple | Mar 31 2009, 11:13 AM Post #21 |
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one of the angels
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Excellent! will you write Miley World for me? they charged us for another year. |
| it behooves me to behold | |
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| Larry | Mar 31 2009, 01:33 PM Post #22 |
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
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Too wordy, in my opinion. Here's how I would have written it: To the General Manager: I understand that I have failed to pay you $3.55. I apologize, as I was unaware that this amount was past due. In researching it however I discovered that your company also has an outstanding balance to my company. Please note on the enclosed invoice there is a $250.00 outstanding balance that your company owes me for the work I did for your company back in August. I have credited your account the $3.55 leaving you with a balance due to me in the amount of $246.45. Please pay this promptly because like you, I am just following company policy. Thank you for showing me how much you value the business I have given your company over the past decade. I'd like to return the favor by telling you that once you have paid me the amount you owe me, I do not wish to be contacted by your company ever again. |
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Of the Pokatwat Tribe | |
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| QuirtEvans | Mar 31 2009, 01:41 PM Post #23 |
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I Owe It All To John D'Oh
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Short, and to the point, but I think Dewey's version gets the message across more clearly. |
| It would be unwise to underestimate what large groups of ill-informed people acting together can achieve. -- John D'Oh, January 14, 2010. | |
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| Renauda | Mar 31 2009, 01:43 PM Post #24 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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Or just issue them a credit note for $3.55 against the $250.00 your company claims is owed. Let them figure it out. |
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| QuantumIvory | Mar 31 2009, 01:58 PM Post #25 |
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Senior Carp
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That is one of the most elegant and tasteful letters I've ever read telling someone to stick it. Nice job, Dewey. (One tiny correction, though: I am sure that your company, like most, and certainly like my own, have been negatively |
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"I regard consciousness as fundamental. We cannot get behind consciousness." -Max Planck | |
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4:41 PM Jul 10