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College Dating Sex Questions; Should I post here or at WTF?
Topic Started: Mar 30 2009, 09:32 AM (1,814 Views)
Luke's Dad
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Emperor Pengin
Larry
Apr 1 2009, 09:10 PM
Luke's Dad
Apr 1 2009, 08:44 PM
Some people aren't going to like this, but what the hell.

I can understand a woman being emotionally attracted to a much older man, but if a much older man is emotionally attracted to a much younger woman, it's typically a sign that the guy's emotional maturity is retarded, and he is probably much behind other men his age. At the retarded maturation rate, the young lady will meet and surpass the guy and eventially outgrow him.
In general, I would agree with you. But - having dated younger women myself, and being currently involved with a younger woman, I can tell you that like with all other blanket statements, your conclusion isn't always the case.

In fact, she's so mature mentally and emotionally that her age doesn't even enter my mind (until I put my hands on her firm, smooth, quivering young bo..... ahem) ... I've dated women who were older than me who didn't have her level of maturity.

Age is just a number.
The prosecution rests! :lol2:


Actually, you might have noticed that I used the words typically and probably. That implies that there are exceptions.
The problem with having an open mind is that people keep trying to put things in it.
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Luke's Dad
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Horace
Apr 1 2009, 09:28 PM
Luke's Dad
Apr 1 2009, 08:44 PM
Some people aren't going to like this, but what the hell.

I can understand a woman being emotionally attracted to a much older man, but if a much older man is emotionally attracted to a much younger woman, it's typically a sign that the guy's emotional maturity is retarded, and he is probably much behind other men his age. At the retarded maturation rate, the young lady will meet and surpass the guy and eventially outgrow him.
I guess it's possible that the Pure Mature Man will only be attracted to maturity in a woman without regard to anything else, but in reality, let's look at the sort of woman that men who can have anybody they want, go for.

It seems like it's generally the young beautiful ones...

But then there are a lot of young beautiful women, some more mature than others.

To me it seems clear that the first filter, for men who have their choice, is physical beauty. After that first filter is passed, they spend time considering whether the personality is right, or the maturity is right, etc... and they become convinced that the personality or maturity is the thing that they really care about, since that's what they consider most carefully.

But the first filter is actually the most important thing... the thing they don't even have to think about, because anything less than satisfying at first notion is a deal breaker. It's that imporant.
And I would argue that most of those men that could have anybody and go for the young hotties are typically more immature. Remember, too, I used the words "emotionally attracted to", quite abit different than physically attracted to. Also, how often do those relationships with the much younger women work out?

Thankfully, I don't have to worry about it anymore.
The problem with having an open mind is that people keep trying to put things in it.
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Luke's Dad
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Aqua Letifer
Apr 2 2009, 06:50 AM
Larry
Apr 1 2009, 09:10 PM
Age is just a number.
Indeed. Individuals vary greatly. Which is why I think it's gross oversimplification to write off people your own age as immature/inexperienced/whatever; people are too diverse to have such generalities hold any water. You don't truly know someone until you get to know them. I mean if people wish to limit themselves in that way, they have a right to do so, but I don't see much good coming out of it.

As for age gaps, they're certainly okay but the bigger the age gap, the harder it's going to be to make anything work, all things being equal. And yeah, I think there's a threshold on that. You eventually get to the point where the age difference is so great that any kind of healthy relationship is impossible.
I agree with your second paragraph, Aqua, but the first one contradicts it. If age is just a number, then the age gap shouldn't mean anything. In general, though, age isn't a number. Typically, it's a pretty good indicator of where somebody is in their life. How much life experience they have, and what sort of things they are looking for. That's not always the case, but it is enough of the time, that it should be considered.
The problem with having an open mind is that people keep trying to put things in it.
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Luke's Dad
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RosemaryTwo
Apr 2 2009, 07:36 AM
Yeah, but none of the pictures I've posted here are for real. I'm much uglier in real life. And sorta cranky.
I cry BS. Some of us have met you, remember?
The problem with having an open mind is that people keep trying to put things in it.
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Mikhailoh
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If you want trouble, find yourself a redhead
She's hot. No question.
Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead - Lucille Ball
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Luke's Dad
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M&M's
Apr 2 2009, 09:04 AM
Luke's Dad
Mar 30 2009, 12:41 PM
Mikhailoh
Mar 30 2009, 11:50 AM
The challenge is not to determine whether or not she is interested in you, but to make her interested.
I'll agree with the first part (ask M&M's about our first date :devilgrin: )
Are you lying about that again! You kissed ME!!!
That's not even what I'm talking about, but whatever makes you feel better. I kissed you, right :rolleyes: .
The problem with having an open mind is that people keep trying to put things in it.
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Aqua Letifer
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ZOOOOOM!
Luke's Dad
Apr 2 2009, 09:51 AM
I agree with your second paragraph, Aqua, but the first one contradicts it. If age is just a number, then the age gap shouldn't mean anything. In general, though, age isn't a number. Typically, it's a pretty good indicator of where somebody is in their life. How much life experience they have, and what sort of things they are looking for. That's not always the case, but it is enough of the time, that it should be considered.
It's not really a contradiction. You're right in that age can be a decent enough indicator if you have nothing else to go on, but conclusions are hard to draw based on age alone. If someone is in their mid-20s, it's a good guess that they're just starting to get into more professional employment, and are living on their own. But if you place someone in their mid-20s in front of me -- 89th for instance -- I'm not going to draw any conclusions about him until I talk to him. I'm going to forego my assumptions because I have an opportunity to ask him and know for sure.

I suppose I'm trying to make a distinction between generalizing a group of people, and applying that generalization to an individual who is categorized within that group.
I cite irreconcilable differences.
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Free Rider
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Fulla-Carp
Aqua Letifer
Apr 2 2009, 10:12 AM


I suppose I'm trying to make a distinction between generalizing a group of people, and applying that generalization to an individual who is categorized within that group.
That is an important distinction.
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LWpianistin
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HOLY CARP!!!
Aqua Letifer
Apr 2 2009, 09:01 AM
LWpianistin
Apr 2 2009, 08:44 AM
They can party all they want, but I'm not much of a party-goer. It's not aiming too high - it's realistic. Why bother with immature guys who don't know what they want when I feel more comfortable with someone who is more suited to my needs and personality? I knew what I wanted at 17 - a music undergrad and a doctorate in musicology so I can teach at a college. I feel like a 30-something in a 20-something's body. As much as you might not want to admit it, girls do develop earlier, physically and emotionally. That hasn't seemed to change as people my age move into "the real world" much, either (and, yes, I include you in there too - not that you're immature at all, just your age).
I'm perfectly fine with admitting that, but it's always case-by-case. I know some horrendously immature 40-year-old women. As for young guys, heck, look at Ben. He's got a better-than-average grasp of things, given his age. You might not like to hear this but guys can catch up; they get a slow start but often enough, finish maturity faster than girls do.

A psych study came out about gen-Xers recently that I thought was pretty interesting. Read about it just last week. Basically it drew these conclusions: most people in that generation didn't "settle down" (stopped moving more than once every two years and kept a job for more than five years) until their early to mid-30s. Sounds like that's pretty much in line with what you're saying, but on the other side of things, the number of people in that age group who got it right the first time (kept to the career they had in mind upon college graduation) were about 20%. The rest either changed theirs, or have been miserable since then. The point with that is well, things can change. You never know.

Regarding "maturity," to be honest I don't believe in it. I don't believe in "mature" vs. "immature"; those words have too limited a meaning to be of much use. There is only maturing; we are in a constant state of development and nothing is fixed. And of course, it will mean different things to different people. For you, it sounds like it pertains to finding your place in the world. For me, I focus more on how well people know themselves. Maturity to me relative and ever-changing.
Yes, there are MANY immature older people, and mature younger people (like us, and 89th and Ben). So far, for me, it just seems that I get along better with the older ones. Believe me, I have given guys my age a chance (sometimes even two), just not much luck. Maybe in a few years....

That survey sounds right. Anyway, I was thinking about it in the car earlier, and there is also this as far as younger guys are concerned: many of them are going to be moving away after graduation. I plan on staying here for a few more years to make some money and apply to grad school and maybe commute to UVA (IF I get in). I have moved every 5 years of my life. I'm tired of it. I want to settle somewhere for a few extra years.
And how are you today?
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Aqua Letifer
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ZOOOOOM!
LWpianistin
Apr 2 2009, 11:18 AM
Yes, there are MANY immature older people, and mature younger people (like us, and 89th and Ben). So far, for me, it just seems that I get along better with the older ones. Believe me, I have given guys my age a chance (sometimes even two), just not much luck. Maybe in a few years....

Well, we all have our own criteria. For what it's worth I don't much relate to people my age either, but the same goes for older people, too. I think I just plain don't relate to people, regardless of age. :lol:

Quote:
 
That survey sounds right. Anyway, I was thinking about it in the car earlier, and there is also this as far as younger guys are concerned: many of them are going to be moving away after graduation. I plan on staying here for a few more years to make some money and apply to grad school and maybe commute to UVA (IF I get in). I have moved every 5 years of my life. I'm tired of it. I want to settle somewhere for a few extra years.


Moving SUCKS. I'm so tired of it myself. I have moved.... nine times since I graduated in '04. This coming summer will be number ten.

At the same time though, it's kept me in check with with my possessions. I'm not acquiring a lot of stuff I can do without, which I think is good. I'd like to settle into an area eventually, but I know that it's not going to be anywhere close to where I'm living now. So, that's going to go on the back burner for awhile.

Where else would you go to grad school besides UVA?
I cite irreconcilable differences.
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LWpianistin
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HOLY CARP!!!
I don't know about grad schools yet. I'm only considering UVA because one of the professors' research interests includes what I would write my thesis on (Beethoven's symphonies, although I may switch to his piano sonatas), AND because I could possibly commute, which would mean not moving. I really like Farmville (never thought I would) and want to stay, but it all depends on grad schools...and if I can get a job here....
And how are you today?
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Improviso
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HOLY CARP!!!
LWpianistin
Apr 2 2009, 11:42 AM
I really like Farmville (never thought I would) and want to stay, but it all depends on grad schools...and if I can get a job here....
Farmville is one of those sleepy little towns that young people can't wait to move away from and older people can't wait to move into after a life on the rat race treadmill.

Plays and I go there every now and again to Greenfront's. They have some great stuff.

Farmville is a cool town.
Identifying narcissists isn't difficult. Just look for the person who is constantly fishing for compliments
and admiration while breaking down over even the slightest bit of criticism.

We have the freedom to choose our actions, but we do not get to choose our consequences.
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RosemaryTwo
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HOLY CARP!!!
:lol:

Larry and LD, you crack me up. Thanks for making me smile.
"Perhaps the thing to do is just to let stupid run its course." Aqua
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