Welcome Guest [Log In] [Register]
Welcome to The New Coffee Room. We hope you enjoy your visit.


You're currently viewing our forum as a guest. This means you are limited to certain areas of the board and there are some features you can't use. If you join our community, you'll be able to access member-only sections, and use many member-only features such as customizing your profile, sending personal messages, and voting in polls. Registration is simple, fast, and completely free.


Join our community!


If you're already a member please log in to your account to access all of our features:

Username:   Password:
Add Reply
College Dating Sex Questions; Should I post here or at WTF?
Topic Started: Mar 30 2009, 09:32 AM (1,816 Views)
RosemaryTwo
Member Avatar
HOLY CARP!!!
But is 10 or 11 years different than 25-30 years apart?

I'm not sayin' a woman can't make her own choice. I'm sayin' I had a lot of fun going through life's stages at the same time as my partner. Graduation, first jobs, first house. We grew into middle age together.

"Perhaps the thing to do is just to let stupid run its course." Aqua
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
kenny
HOLY CARP!!!
Old partners for the young.
Young partners for the old.

Opposites attract sometimes.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
***musical princess***
Member Avatar
HOLY CARP!!!
I think if you are going to date an older man, there are things you have to realise before you get into anything.

You will hit landmarks at different times, there will be things he has done that you haven't, which you may still want to try and he doesn't want to do again. He is likely to die first and leave you alone (harsh - but it is a reality you have to sensibly consider. Are you willing to be alone when you are older?) If you are going to consider seriously dating someone older, you have to be willing to accept that you will eventually hit some of these obstacles.

Obviously, the bigger the age gap, the more profound these considerations will be.

I have experience from dating men my age, 10 years older and 20 years older than myself. Now, looking back, i feel i can say the biggest conflict is not the difference you face between you and your circumstances, but the way you are actually perceived by everyone else. An 18 and 40 year old may be perfectly happy together, but it can put ALOT of strain on a relationship when they are constantly judged. If you are a strong enough couple to get through that and be happy knowing people will always slightly judge you, then good for you. All i know is that people still look at Neil and I funny and there is only 11 years between us (which, to myself seems like nothing when i am with him). We are fine with it but i think it would be worse if he were any older.

I don't htink anyone else should stop you or make you feel bad for it, as long as you understand the complexities that that kind of relationship can bring.

x
x Caroline x
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Luke's Dad
Member Avatar
Emperor Pengin
Some people aren't going to like this, but what the hell.

I can understand a woman being emotionally attracted to a much older man, but if a much older man is emotionally attracted to a much younger woman, it's typically a sign that the guy's emotional maturity is retarded, and he is probably much behind other men his age. At the retarded maturation rate, the young lady will meet and surpass the guy and eventially outgrow him.
The problem with having an open mind is that people keep trying to put things in it.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Larry
Member Avatar
Mmmmmmm, pie!
Luke's Dad
Apr 1 2009, 08:44 PM
Some people aren't going to like this, but what the hell.

I can understand a woman being emotionally attracted to a much older man, but if a much older man is emotionally attracted to a much younger woman, it's typically a sign that the guy's emotional maturity is retarded, and he is probably much behind other men his age. At the retarded maturation rate, the young lady will meet and surpass the guy and eventially outgrow him.
In general, I would agree with you. But - having dated younger women myself, and being currently involved with a younger woman, I can tell you that like with all other blanket statements, your conclusion isn't always the case.

In fact, she's so mature mentally and emotionally that her age doesn't even enter my mind (until I put my hands on her firm, smooth, quivering young bo..... ahem) ... I've dated women who were older than me who didn't have her level of maturity.

Age is just a number.
Of the Pokatwat Tribe

Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Horace
Member Avatar
HOLY CARP!!!
Luke's Dad
Apr 1 2009, 08:44 PM
Some people aren't going to like this, but what the hell.

I can understand a woman being emotionally attracted to a much older man, but if a much older man is emotionally attracted to a much younger woman, it's typically a sign that the guy's emotional maturity is retarded, and he is probably much behind other men his age. At the retarded maturation rate, the young lady will meet and surpass the guy and eventially outgrow him.
I guess it's possible that the Pure Mature Man will only be attracted to maturity in a woman without regard to anything else, but in reality, let's look at the sort of woman that men who can have anybody they want, go for.

It seems like it's generally the young beautiful ones...

But then there are a lot of young beautiful women, some more mature than others.

To me it seems clear that the first filter, for men who have their choice, is physical beauty. After that first filter is passed, they spend time considering whether the personality is right, or the maturity is right, etc... and they become convinced that the personality or maturity is the thing that they really care about, since that's what they consider most carefully.

But the first filter is actually the most important thing... the thing they don't even have to think about, because anything less than satisfying at first notion is a deal breaker. It's that imporant.
As a good person, I implore you to do as I, a good person, do. Be good. Do NOT be bad. If you see bad, end bad. End it in yourself, and end it in others. By any means necessary, the good must conquer the bad. Good people know this. Do you know this? Are you good?
Online Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
QuirtEvans
Member Avatar
I Owe It All To John D'Oh
Horace
Apr 1 2009, 09:28 PM
Luke's Dad
Apr 1 2009, 08:44 PM
Some people aren't going to like this, but what the hell.

I can understand a woman being emotionally attracted to a much older man, but if a much older man is emotionally attracted to a much younger woman, it's typically a sign that the guy's emotional maturity is retarded, and he is probably much behind other men his age. At the retarded maturation rate, the young lady will meet and surpass the guy and eventially outgrow him.
I guess it's possible that the Pure Mature Man will only be attracted to maturity in a woman without regard to anything else, but in reality, let's look at the sort of woman that men who can have anybody they want, go for.

It seems like it's generally the young beautiful ones...

But then there are a lot of young beautiful women, some more mature than others.

To me it seems clear that the first filter, for men who have their choice, is physical beauty. After that first filter is passed, they spend time considering whether the personality is right, or the maturity is right, etc... and they become convinced that the personality or maturity is the thing that they really care about, since that's what they consider most carefully.

But the first filter is actually the most important thing... the thing they don't even have to think about, because anything less than satisfying at first notion is a deal breaker. It's that imporant.
Yes, but.

I've known women who I felt were unattractive when I first met them, but got more attractive to me, once I got to know them and their personality.
It would be unwise to underestimate what large groups of ill-informed people acting together can achieve. -- John D'Oh, January 14, 2010.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Larry
Member Avatar
Mmmmmmm, pie!
Quote:
 
've known women who I felt were unattractive when I first met them, but got more attractive to me, once I got to know them and their personality.


Absolutely.

And likewise, I've met some real hotties who became downright ugly once I got to know them.

Of the Pokatwat Tribe

Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
QuirtEvans
Member Avatar
I Owe It All To John D'Oh
Larry
Apr 2 2009, 06:34 AM
Quote:
 
've known women who I felt were unattractive when I first met them, but got more attractive to me, once I got to know them and their personality.


Absolutely.

And likewise, I've met some real hotties who became downright ugly once I got to know them.

Ditto.

By the way, here's a timely article on dating much younger/much older partners.

http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/personal/04/02/tf.downside.age.gap/index.html
It would be unwise to underestimate what large groups of ill-informed people acting together can achieve. -- John D'Oh, January 14, 2010.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Aqua Letifer
Member Avatar
ZOOOOOM!
Larry
Apr 1 2009, 09:10 PM
Age is just a number.
Indeed. Individuals vary greatly. Which is why I think it's gross oversimplification to write off people your own age as immature/inexperienced/whatever; people are too diverse to have such generalities hold any water. You don't truly know someone until you get to know them. I mean if people wish to limit themselves in that way, they have a right to do so, but I don't see much good coming out of it.

As for age gaps, they're certainly okay but the bigger the age gap, the harder it's going to be to make anything work, all things being equal. And yeah, I think there's a threshold on that. You eventually get to the point where the age difference is so great that any kind of healthy relationship is impossible.
I cite irreconcilable differences.
Online Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Frank_W
Member Avatar
Resident Misanthrope
Yeah, but UNhealthy, really NASTY role-playing games are finally possible!! :excited:
Anatomy Prof: "The human body has about 20 sq. meters of skin."
Me: "Man, that's a lot of lampshades!"
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
RosemaryTwo
Member Avatar
HOLY CARP!!!
Yes! I'm the kind of woman that you have to get to know. I guess I'm defending the older woman for selish reasons. :lol:
"Perhaps the thing to do is just to let stupid run its course." Aqua
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Frank_W
Member Avatar
Resident Misanthrope
As well you should, R2. Ever since my teens, I've had a "thing" for older women. My first love, when I was 19, was 26 years old. She was the youngest and the one closest to my age, that I ever dated. (Until I met the woman that is now the Missus, but even she's six months older than I am.) :lol2:
Anatomy Prof: "The human body has about 20 sq. meters of skin."
Me: "Man, that's a lot of lampshades!"
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
RosemaryTwo
Member Avatar
HOLY CARP!!!
Yeah, but none of the pictures I've posted here are for real. I'm much uglier in real life. And sorta cranky.
"Perhaps the thing to do is just to let stupid run its course." Aqua
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Frank_W
Member Avatar
Resident Misanthrope
Perfect. :thumb: Say, what are you doin', tomorrow night? :devilgrin:
Anatomy Prof: "The human body has about 20 sq. meters of skin."
Me: "Man, that's a lot of lampshades!"
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Larry
Member Avatar
Mmmmmmm, pie!
Rosie, I've never seen your picture, and I don't know your age. But I do know that your personality and your wit are so attractive to me that if you were single I'd be all over you like white on rice, even if you were 4'10 and 300 pounds with a pimple the size of Texas on your forehead..... :D
Of the Pokatwat Tribe

Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
LWpianistin
Member Avatar
HOLY CARP!!!
Aqua Letifer
Apr 1 2009, 12:31 PM
LWpianistin
Apr 1 2009, 12:09 PM
I'm 23 and know what I want out of life.
And that's not going to change at all I'm sure. ^_^

I'm not dissing your preferences but if you're not into guys in college because they're not settled and have their own houses, well... I think maybe you're aiming a bit high. Pretty natural for kids in school to either party too much or not know what they're about; those things usually work themselves out in their due course. Doesn't mean you have to be attracted to them but I wouldn't discredit them for that, either.
They can party all they want, but I'm not much of a party-goer. It's not aiming too high - it's realistic. Why bother with immature guys who don't know what they want when I feel more comfortable with someone who is more suited to my needs and personality? I knew what I wanted at 17 - a music undergrad and a doctorate in musicology so I can teach at a college. I feel like a 30-something in a 20-something's body. As much as you might not want to admit it, girls do develop earlier, physically and emotionally. That hasn't seemed to change as people my age move into "the real world" much, either (and, yes, I include you in there too - not that you're immature at all, just your age).
And how are you today?
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Mikhailoh
Member Avatar
If you want trouble, find yourself a redhead
LW, I find you absolutely fascinating as a woman and a person. Go for what you want.
Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead - Lucille Ball
Online Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Mikhailoh
Member Avatar
If you want trouble, find yourself a redhead
Oh, and I'll PM you my contact info... :devilgrin:
Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead - Lucille Ball
Online Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
LWpianistin
Member Avatar
HOLY CARP!!!
***musical princess***
Apr 1 2009, 02:12 PM
I think if you are going to date an older man, there are things you have to realise before you get into anything.

You will hit landmarks at different times, there will be things he has done that you haven't, which you may still want to try and he doesn't want to do again. He is likely to die first and leave you alone (harsh - but it is a reality you have to sensibly consider. Are you willing to be alone when you are older?) If you are going to consider seriously dating someone older, you have to be willing to accept that you will eventually hit some of these obstacles.

Obviously, the bigger the age gap, the more profound these considerations will be.

I have experience from dating men my age, 10 years older and 20 years older than myself. Now, looking back, i feel i can say the biggest conflict is not the difference you face between you and your circumstances, but the way you are actually perceived by everyone else. An 18 and 40 year old may be perfectly happy together, but it can put ALOT of strain on a relationship when they are constantly judged. If you are a strong enough couple to get through that and be happy knowing people will always slightly judge you, then good for you. All i know is that people still look at Neil and I funny and there is only 11 years between us (which, to myself seems like nothing when i am with him). We are fine with it but i think it would be worse if he were any older.

I don't htink anyone else should stop you or make you feel bad for it, as long as you understand the complexities that that kind of relationship can bring.

x
Hi MP! Yes, there are challenges, including the nasty but true one about death, but well.....older guys are still more at my maturity level, so I deal with those challenges. I'm currently not-quite-dating-but-might-as-well-be-dating a guy 13 years older. He has his own house, a good job, and a lot in common with me - like loving the outdoors, travel, and a great interest in Germany (and it's fun to have someone to speak (very poor) German with). Most nights we sit on the couch and watch movies - much more fun than parties....blech!
And how are you today?
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Aqua Letifer
Member Avatar
ZOOOOOM!
LWpianistin
Apr 2 2009, 08:44 AM
They can party all they want, but I'm not much of a party-goer. It's not aiming too high - it's realistic. Why bother with immature guys who don't know what they want when I feel more comfortable with someone who is more suited to my needs and personality? I knew what I wanted at 17 - a music undergrad and a doctorate in musicology so I can teach at a college. I feel like a 30-something in a 20-something's body. As much as you might not want to admit it, girls do develop earlier, physically and emotionally. That hasn't seemed to change as people my age move into "the real world" much, either (and, yes, I include you in there too - not that you're immature at all, just your age).
I'm perfectly fine with admitting that, but it's always case-by-case. I know some horrendously immature 40-year-old women. As for young guys, heck, look at Ben. He's got a better-than-average grasp of things, given his age. You might not like to hear this but guys can catch up; they get a slow start but often enough, finish maturity faster than girls do.

A psych study came out about gen-Xers recently that I thought was pretty interesting. Read about it just last week. Basically it drew these conclusions: most people in that generation didn't "settle down" (stopped moving more than once every two years and kept a job for more than five years) until their early to mid-30s. Sounds like that's pretty much in line with what you're saying, but on the other side of things, the number of people in that age group who got it right the first time (kept to the career they had in mind upon college graduation) were about 20%. The rest either changed theirs, or have been miserable since then. The point with that is well, things can change. You never know.

Regarding "maturity," to be honest I don't believe in it. I don't believe in "mature" vs. "immature"; those words have too limited a meaning to be of much use. There is only maturing; we are in a constant state of development and nothing is fixed. And of course, it will mean different things to different people. For you, it sounds like it pertains to finding your place in the world. For me, I focus more on how well people know themselves. Maturity to me relative and ever-changing.
I cite irreconcilable differences.
Online Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
M&M's
Member Avatar
Fulla-Carp
Luke's Dad
Mar 30 2009, 12:41 PM
Mikhailoh
Mar 30 2009, 11:50 AM
The challenge is not to determine whether or not she is interested in you, but to make her interested.
I'll agree with the first part (ask M&M's about our first date :devilgrin: )
Are you lying about that again! You kissed ME!!!
My child shows GOOD CHARACTERIZATION in an ongoing game of D&D
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Mikhailoh
Member Avatar
If you want trouble, find yourself a redhead
No, I'm not lying and I did NOT kiss you...

(is it working yet?)
Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead - Lucille Ball
Online Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
John D'Oh
Member Avatar
MAMIL
Luke's Dad
Apr 1 2009, 08:44 PM
Some people aren't going to like this, but what the hell.

I can understand a woman being emotionally attracted to a much older man, but if a much older man is emotionally attracted to a much younger woman, it's typically a sign that the guy's emotional maturity is retarded, and he is probably much behind other men his age. At the retarded maturation rate, the young lady will meet and surpass the guy and eventially outgrow him.
Hey - Mrs. D'Oh is eleven years younger than me, who are you calling retarded?

The very idea that I'm immature in some way. The last bloke who said that to me ended up with a big poop on his front lawn.
What do you mean "we", have you got a mouse in your pocket?
Online Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Aqua Letifer
Member Avatar
ZOOOOOM!
John D'Oh
Apr 2 2009, 09:18 AM
Hey - Mrs. D'Oh is eleven years younger than me, who are you calling retarded?

The very idea that I'm immature in some way. The last bloke who said that to me ended up with a big poop on his front lawn.
That's not immature, D'Oh, that's called letting them get off light! You should've brown-bagged that sucker, set it on fire and heaved it at his front porch.
I cite irreconcilable differences.
Online Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
ZetaBoards - Free Forum Hosting
ZetaBoards gives you all the tools to create a successful discussion community.
Learn More · Register Now
Go to Next Page
« Previous Topic · The New Coffee Room · Next Topic »
Add Reply