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College Dating Sex Questions; Should I post here or at WTF?
Topic Started: Mar 30 2009, 09:32 AM (1,818 Views)
Mikhailoh
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If you want trouble, find yourself a redhead
It's really not much work, PL. Just YOU be the one sending the signals... create the opportunity. YOu can pique a woman's interest a couple ways. If she's not very outgoing, your warm and friendly approaches will make her feel safe, which for her may be a big turn on. If she's more assertive, issue a bit of a challenge.

One of my best bits was always when a woman would say something about not sleeping with me, my response was always 'I haven't ASKED you to sleep with me.'. I never failed to get attacked that very night.

In any event, you are in the position here to act in your own behalf. Unless you are the type of guy where the woman has to make all the moves (a bad position to stay in considering you are on a college campus, a veritable smorgasbord of young, beautiful, single women), you need to get busy. Who are YOU interested in?

As a wise man once said, 'Well c'mon boy, don't just stand there. Get the cow in the barn!'
Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead - Lucille Ball
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RosemaryTwo
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HOLY CARP!!!
Quote:
 
Attracted? Touching. Women are much more sensitive about personal boundaries than men are, so if she touches you it's a pretty sure sign that she's welcoming physical closeness.


Except when it comes to a straight man showing affection to another straight man. Then there are very strong personal boundaries. Man A move in for the hug, give a few firm pats on the back of Man B, uses the word "man" in a deep voice, as in "love ya man" and then quickly steps back.

Any violation of this rule is risky. :sword:

I'm surprised no one has raised the age issue. Do we all assume it's appropriate for a 50-year-old to hook up with a college woman (I assume age 18 - 22)? Yes, she's legal, but does a mature man owe some degree of hesitation here?


"Perhaps the thing to do is just to let stupid run its course." Aqua
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Frank_W
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Resident Misanthrope
What is your opinion, R2? Does the mature man owe some degree of hesitation? And usually, that hesitation has a way of backfiring, and causes the other person to only desire that person all the more. (Eh... Not that I am speaking from experience or anything....) :whistle:
Anatomy Prof: "The human body has about 20 sq. meters of skin."
Me: "Man, that's a lot of lampshades!"
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RosemaryTwo
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HOLY CARP!!!
Almost all the men I know are married and have children. When they do the math, I think the idea that their children are closer to college students than they are is enough to stop the idea of dating a co-ed at a fantasy level (in addition to being married, of course). Even an 8-year-old is just 10 years away from college while a 40-year-old is 18 years away from that era. Their perspective is paternal.

FWIW, I find mature, paternal men to be smokin' hot.

I also think it's hot, hot, hot when men are attracted to women their own age (i.e. not looking for a trophy wife/girlfriend). Shows some depth. Like maybe they're the kind of man who has thought some things through. Even read a few articles that are more than 1 page long.

I would not be attracted to a younger man. If anything, I'd date older (but not grandpa old with cash, that's just wrong).
"Perhaps the thing to do is just to let stupid run its course." Aqua
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Mikhailoh
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If you want trouble, find yourself a redhead
I agree with the age thing, R2, but in PL's case, well, when in Rome....
Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead - Lucille Ball
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Frank_W
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Resident Misanthrope
I agree, R2. At nearly 40 years old, I can look at a younger woman, and appreciate her looks without sizing her up as a potential sex partner. I can take someone that age out to dinner, and not feel awkward, or like I'm expecting something to happen. Maybe it's just a case of ME being more comfortable in my own skin, finally.

I've always had a thing for older women. Even when I was really young. And now, I find women in their thirties, forties, and many in their fifties and even sixties, to be incredibly lovely and attractive.
Anatomy Prof: "The human body has about 20 sq. meters of skin."
Me: "Man, that's a lot of lampshades!"
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RosemaryTwo
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HOLY CARP!!!
Are we in Rome? :silly:


edit -- Frank, I'm sure the fact that you have a daughter puts life in a different perspective. I have two boys so I see teenage boys and young men in a whoooole different light. I want to hug them all and encourage them. Some of them are so sweet.

Part of my job requires me to go into the local high school on a regular basis. Some of the boys hold the door for me! I want to ask them for their parents' phone number so I can call them and tell them what a gentleman their son is at school.

There are good kids out there.


"Perhaps the thing to do is just to let stupid run its course." Aqua
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Frank_W
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Russian hands, Roman fingers? :D
Anatomy Prof: "The human body has about 20 sq. meters of skin."
Me: "Man, that's a lot of lampshades!"
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Mikhailoh
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If you want trouble, find yourself a redhead
Even when I was back in college in my late 20's, I'd see a good looking young woman and decide to meet her. Nine times out of ten the whole illusion was dispelled when she opened her mouth.
Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead - Lucille Ball
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Mikhailoh
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If you want trouble, find yourself a redhead
RosemaryTwo
Mar 31 2009, 05:38 AM
Are we in Rome? :silly:



No, but PL is.

The old saw goes 'When in Rome, do some Romans'.
Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead - Lucille Ball
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RosemaryTwo
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Oh. Well, I don't want to go against any pithy platitudes. I'm definitely against that.
"Perhaps the thing to do is just to let stupid run its course." Aqua
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Mikhailoh
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If you want trouble, find yourself a redhead
Now don't you get pithy with me.
Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead - Lucille Ball
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blondie
Bull-Carp
I just don't see age boundaries as relevant.
Everyone has their preference. Preferences change.
I've a friend in her forties [younger than me] who's dating a man who just turned 70 and my best girlfriend who's 48 is dating a guy who's 32.
A 40-50 yr old man dating young 20 yr olds is pretty typical.
When I was in my teens and 20s I sought out men in their 30s. I just preferred that. I haven't a clue what I'd do now if I were in a position to date.

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Frank_W
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You may be right, R2. It may be that because I have a daughter, I tend to look at younger women in a more... I don't know... fatherly way. *gag*

I'm glad there are boys who hold the door for you. I certainly would have, at that age... (and probably would have had the most all-consuming crush, too!) :D
Anatomy Prof: "The human body has about 20 sq. meters of skin."
Me: "Man, that's a lot of lampshades!"
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Pianolicious
Senior Carp
[edit] I continued chopping this post down to its essentials

R2 you make a really interesting point about older people and the appropriateness of it.

I work off of a really conservative boundary definition, which I call my "prime directive" "If the potential for a violation of power, authority, or trust exists, don't go there."

As a student, the potential for a boundary violation exists if I date a professor. Even though I may be older than the professor, they have the power over me. Perhaps due to my own hangups, I can't date someone where inequality is part of the definition. With a student, I have age and experience on them, but I've been exploited a time or two in my life so the idea of misusing a strategic advantage isn't in my playbook. That knowledge gives me a certain responsibility that I take very seriously.

The prime directive helps me realize when an inequality exists, but I'm beginning to think I may take the whole thing too seriously and need to lighten up a bit.

I decided that the father figure thing is unhealthy for me for a number of reasons and decided to not be one this year, and this semester especially. I became MUCH more direct about what I want from people earlier in the friendship and generally speak my mind instead of being a passive, unconditionally supportive listener.

In the process, I'm casting off my own "safe" roles and what is emerging is someone I like, which snowballs.

A more authentic me is emerging and that feels good.

THAT's when the women really started paying attention to me and that's what led to this thread. Maybe they were all along and I just couldn't see it because of my own baggage. If anything, it's nice just being able notice that it's happening. I don't need to act on it to make it real. It IS real.
Sit tibi vita longa et omnia bona!!! -- Dr. Spock
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RosemaryTwo
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HOLY CARP!!!
Frank_W
Mar 31 2009, 06:01 AM
You may be right, R2. It may be that because I have a daughter, I tend to look at younger women in a more... I don't know... fatherly way. *gag*

I'm glad there are boys who hold the door for you. I certainly would have, at that age... (and probably would have had the most all-consuming crush, too!) :D
Ha! I'll at least pretend that the 18-year-old guys think I'm hot (or at least tepid?).
"Perhaps the thing to do is just to let stupid run its course." Aqua
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RosemaryTwo
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HOLY CARP!!!
PL -- I appreciate your thoughts about your life and perspective and what's healthy for you. I think the next question is what is healthy for the girl? Do you have life experience that she does not have, that would lead you to decline her invitation of a relationship in favor of a woman/man who has had a similar (equal?) life experience to your own?

"Perhaps the thing to do is just to let stupid run its course." Aqua
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Luke's Dad
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Emperor Pengin
RosemaryTwo
Mar 31 2009, 04:23 AM
I'm surprised no one has raised the age issue. Do we all assume it's appropriate for a 50-year-old to hook up with a college woman (I assume age 18 - 22)? Yes, she's legal, but does a mature man owe some degree of hesitation here?


Yes, there should be some degree of hesitation. Alot of it has to do with the life experience of the young woman. Generally speaking, there is a huge difference in life experience between an 18 year old freshman and a 22 year old senior. IMO opinion, there's probably a bigger gap between those two ages in life experience than any other four year gap in age. An 18 year old is still a child, learning to be an adult. Out on her own for the first time, alot of new experiences, and a bit overwhelmed (perhaps). A 22 year old, has been on their own for a bit. Has had to make adult decisions, and faced adult consequences. She's on a different maturity plane than that 18 year old.

Personally, I wouldn't have any romantic interest in an 18 year old. I likely wouldn't have a romantic interest in a 22 year old either. If I was single, I think my lower limit would be about 26, but preferably somebody in their early 30's. (That's when a woman begins to come into her own, in terms of beauty, bearing, elegance, and grace).
The problem with having an open mind is that people keep trying to put things in it.
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Pianolicious
Senior Carp
RosemaryTwo
Mar 31 2009, 06:37 AM
PL -- I appreciate your thoughts about your life and perspective and what's healthy for you. I think the next question is what is healthy for the girl? Do you have life experience that she does not have, that would lead you to decline her invitation of a relationship in favor of a woman/man who has had a similar (equal?) life experience to your own?

Well that is the sticky wicket isn't it?
Sit tibi vita longa et omnia bona!!! -- Dr. Spock
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RosemaryTwo
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HOLY CARP!!!
Aim high, my man. Aim high.
"Perhaps the thing to do is just to let stupid run its course." Aqua
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Pianolicious
Senior Carp
Well I have some "friends" dates lined up for April. I'll let you know what happens. Maybe I can be the new CrashTest.
Sit tibi vita longa et omnia bona!!! -- Dr. Spock
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Mikhailoh
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If you want trouble, find yourself a redhead
OH NOES! TEH NINE WIMMEN!!!
Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead - Lucille Ball
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Frank_W
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Resident Misanthrope
PL, that authenticity -- That feeling of being comfortable in your own skin... Congratulations. :thumb: That is VERY cool!
Anatomy Prof: "The human body has about 20 sq. meters of skin."
Me: "Man, that's a lot of lampshades!"
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Frank_W
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Resident Misanthrope
RosemaryTwo
Mar 31 2009, 06:33 AM
Frank_W
Mar 31 2009, 06:01 AM
You may be right, R2. It may be that because I have a daughter, I tend to look at younger women in a more... I don't know... fatherly way. *gag*

I'm glad there are boys who hold the door for you. I certainly would have, at that age... (and probably would have had the most all-consuming crush, too!) :D
Ha! I'll at least pretend that the 18-year-old guys think I'm hot (or at least tepid?).
Pfffffft.... If I were 18, I'd be trying to ask you out on dates and stuff... Just sayin'.... :$ :slap: :hearteyes:
Anatomy Prof: "The human body has about 20 sq. meters of skin."
Me: "Man, that's a lot of lampshades!"
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sue
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HOLY CARP!!!
Pianolicious
Mar 31 2009, 06:32 AM
A more authentic me is emerging and that feels good.

I'm thinking back to myself, early 20's. I was always more attracted to 'older' men, and that's one of the reasons. They tended to be more comfortable with themselves, less prone to putting on the cool guy act, and the having been around a bit more, the life experiences they had to share......all very hot stuff for a young woman.
I'm not surprised at all at the reactions you are getting.
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