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| A not-so-good day | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Feb 26 2009, 02:45 PM (725 Views) | |
| blondie | Feb 26 2009, 08:46 PM Post #51 |
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Bull-Carp
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Well this is good! He sounds a keen little guy who knows when to crap for ya. Got to give him credit for that
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| NAK | Feb 26 2009, 09:56 PM Post #52 |
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Senior Carp
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Not all traits are hereditary, FR. There are just some pretty crazy parents out there. As in Improv's case, someone who has had a bad upbringing might realize that his childhood was by no means what he wants to give his children, and will hopefully use his experience to make sure he does not repeat the mistakes his parents made. My grandpa (my dad's dad) had a horribly abusive father, who would sometimes wake him up very early in the morning by dragging him out of the house and beating him senseless with a shovel until he was coughing up blood. This sort of thing happened throughout his childhood. Despite this, he - my grandfather - was the most nonviolent parent you could imagine, though very detached. He never abused his kids, but never really got involved with them either (largely because he married a woman who despised him and did all she could to put the same feeling into her kids). It wasn't until my mom had my older brother that my granddad showed how friendly and compassionate he could be. Some of my fondest memories (and I'm sure this is true for all my brothers and sisters) were of trips to my grandpa's house. We even came up with a song about him that we would sing on the way to his place. So between my great-grandfather and my grandpa the pendulum definitely swung the other way. To continue my point: My dad, because of the standoffish was in which he was raised, has always tried to be involved in his kids' lives. Overbearingly so. He would get so involved that anything we did became more about his ambitions in it than our own. It became about us altering our goals and motivations to match his. When we inevitably lost interest in the activity, or did not succeed to his satisfaction, he took it as a personal snub, saying we were lazy and worthless for not having his aspirations. And we always felt we were walking on eggshells around him; careful of what we laughed at, what we said, who we hung around with - because he had to approve of whatever we did or it was verboten. If any of us challenged him to his face, it could become physical, but the abuse (if you can even call it that) was primarily verbal or mental. So again the pendulum swung to the other side. From physical abuse, to almost complete non-involvement, to dictatorial over-involvement. What I find sad in both cases was that apparently both my grandpa and my dad observed the flaws they saw in their upbringing and sincerely wanted their children to have better than they got, but unfortunately both overcompensated. Hopefully my brothers and sisters will draw from both examples and find the happy medium, as Improv apparently has, and as I'm sure you are, FR. Whew. That was way more than I meant to say...hopefully some of it is relevant. P.S. Let me just say that my dad has changed dramatically, and my relationship with him has improved very much. |
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| blondie | Feb 27 2009, 05:39 AM Post #53 |
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Bull-Carp
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Wow. Nak, thanks for sharing that. You're so young yet you've incredible insight, have thought quite deeply of your family. Here I am in my 40s & I'm just starting to figure these things out of my own parents. You're a smart kiddo. |
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4:48 PM Jul 10