Welcome Guest [Log In] [Register]
Welcome to The New Coffee Room. We hope you enjoy your visit.


You're currently viewing our forum as a guest. This means you are limited to certain areas of the board and there are some features you can't use. If you join our community, you'll be able to access member-only sections, and use many member-only features such as customizing your profile, sending personal messages, and voting in polls. Registration is simple, fast, and completely free.


Join our community!


If you're already a member please log in to your account to access all of our features:

Username:   Password:
Add Reply
Tonight, I'm not doing so well
Topic Started: Jan 25 2009, 07:16 PM (359 Views)
justme
Member Avatar
HOLY CARP!!!

I'm not doing good tonight. I'm trying not to drink. I've been drinking too much. At least, I think I am.

It's so damn difficult facing the pain even a year later.

Here's what I blogged tonight. I don't know what to do. I really don't want to go on meds.

I just don't know what to do. And my therapist???? He's lousy. I feel like I'm his first case. He has no clue. And just looks at me as if I have 5 heads or something.

Here it is. Thanks for letting me share. I wouldn't but..... I just don't know who to share it with and I feel somebody needs to hear me.

http://toosad4words.blogspot.com/2009/01/life-just-isnt-same-not-fun-read.html
"Men sway more towards hussies." G-D3
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
brenda
Member Avatar
..............
Peggy, you are smart to avoid the drinks. Those will only hurt you. I'm here. Send me a pm if you want. My ears and shoulders are ready.
“Weeds are flowers, too, once you get to know them.”
~A.A. Milne
Online Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
justme
Member Avatar
HOLY CARP!!!
Thanks, Brenda,

I'm okay and I think I've gotten most of it out. The pain is just very sharp right now.

I miss my family up north very much. My family and old friends don't/won't read the blog. 98% of them say it's too difficult. Even Brian doesn't read it.

But I have to get it out some how. Sadly, the support group only meets once a month and they seem to be the only ones who really understand. They are all experiencing the same things.

3 of the other couples lost children in the same time frame Denise was lost. One in Dec 2007, one New Years Eve 2007, one in November 2007 and Denise was January 2008. All were murdered, all shot to death and under 25 years of age. 3 of them were random like Denise was but one was shot by her ex-husband (he also killed their two kids so, we're very blessed) and that one is really tragic. They are all tragic. My point being, they are all similar time frames. What I'm experiencing isn't unusual. They've all had issues with alcohol, etc.....

It's just not fun.



"Men sway more towards hussies." G-D3
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
brenda
Member Avatar
..............
Peggy, I'm so glad you have the support group. You're right. They are the only ones who can really know what you are going through. There will be days when you can be the strong one for them, and days when you need to lean on them.

Is there anyone in the support group you find you have an extra bond with, someone you sort of 'click' with? I ask because I made a close friend from a support group during the time after my dad's death. I lived far away from Minnesoooota then, and we had just moved there, so I really did not know anyone there. The support group was very helpful for me.

One of the women there was going through a tough time after her husband's motorcycle accident. My dad died in a motorcycle accident, so we had stuff to talk about right from the start, and we were relatively close in age.

It might be really helpful for you if there are some women in your support group you can bond with right now. You can help each other through the rollercoaster ride of extreme grief.

A year sounds like a long time, and it is, but from the perspective of grief, it's not so very long. You have come a long way during the year, but don't be hard on yourself for needing more time, lots more.

Part of me wants to say more, but I think I'll wait for a cue from you whether that would be OK. I know we are still new to one another, so I'll let you decide the 'when's and 'how much's.

“Weeds are flowers, too, once you get to know them.”
~A.A. Milne
Online Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
NAK
Member Avatar
Senior Carp
"I have new friends but feel as if I've lost my old friends."

Not by a long shot. :hug:
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Frank_W
Member Avatar
Resident Misanthrope
:hug:
Anatomy Prof: "The human body has about 20 sq. meters of skin."
Me: "Man, that's a lot of lampshades!"
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
John D'Oh
Member Avatar
MAMIL
justme
Jan 25 2009, 07:16 PM
I just don't know what to do. And my therapist???? He's lousy. I feel like I'm his first case. He has no clue. And just looks at me as if I have 5 heads or something.
Would it be possible to change therapists? Obviously, no therapist, no matter how good, can solve this, but in my experience there can be a huge difference in quality and style between individuals, so maybe this one just isn't working for you, and you need a different type of approach, or maybe someone with more experience of this type of issue?

:hug:
What do you mean "we", have you got a mouse in your pocket?
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Aqua Letifer
Member Avatar
ZOOOOOM!
John D'Oh
Jan 26 2009, 06:17 AM
justme
Jan 25 2009, 07:16 PM
I just don't know what to do. And my therapist???? He's lousy. I feel like I'm his first case. He has no clue. And just looks at me as if I have 5 heads or something.
Would it be possible to change therapists? Obviously, no therapist, no matter how good, can solve this, but in my experience there can be a huge difference in quality and style between individuals, so maybe this one just isn't working for you, and you need a different type of approach, or maybe someone with more experience of this type of issue?

:hug:
I second that. Even if the guy has great credentials or a long line of experience, perception counts for a lot; if you think it's not working with him, then it would be hard to make it so.

JMHO.
I cite irreconcilable differences.
Online Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
justme
Member Avatar
HOLY CARP!!!
John D'Oh
Jan 26 2009, 06:17 AM
justme
Jan 25 2009, 07:16 PM
I just don't know what to do. And my therapist???? He's lousy. I feel like I'm his first case. He has no clue. And just looks at me as if I have 5 heads or something.
Would it be possible to change therapists? Obviously, no therapist, no matter how good, can solve this, but in my experience there can be a huge difference in quality and style between individuals, so maybe this one just isn't working for you, and you need a different type of approach, or maybe someone with more experience of this type of issue?

:hug:
Sadly, no. When the company Mark was working for closed (went out of business) we lost our health insurance and couldn't afford new on our own.

I'm okay. Truly I am.

We're just going through a lot of stuff. And this past weekend seeing old family and celebrating Brian's birthday just reminded me of what life used to be like and what life is like now.

Nathan isn't anything like his old self. He does well and works hard. I have no complaints. He has the children the majority of the time. The girlfriend came back. And he tries to be happy but......... It's just pathetic.

Mark was happy for a whole 2 hours seeing his family from Ohio. They drove down from Canton. But as soon as we got back in the car, that happiness disappeared. I was happy for the first hour but the questioning got to me. I should've said "we don't want to talk about it" but our family needs and wants to know.

We'll survive. I probably shouldn't have alarmed anyone.

I am trying not to drink as much if at all. I've succeeded and made it through the first night.

I used to enjoy a glass or two of wine in the evenings. Or one or two beers. Well, they've turned into 3 or 4 and sometimes 5. So....... that's bad. Just another thing to be angry about.

We may have to move by the end of the weekend and I still don't know what we're doing with the piano.

Better go. I'm starting to get depressed again just thinking about it.

Much love and peace.

Aside to Brenda: Thank you. I'm just not myself right now.
"Men sway more towards hussies." G-D3
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
DealsFor.me - The best sales, coupons, and discounts for you
« Previous Topic · The New Coffee Room · Next Topic »
Add Reply