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| Ole and Lena jokes | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Jan 25 2009, 09:04 AM (1,005 Views) | |
| Larry | Jan 25 2009, 09:04 AM Post #1 |
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
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Ole and Lars were working for the city public works department in Boyceville, WI. Ole would dig a hole and Lars would follow behind and fill the hole in. They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one digging a hole, the other filling it in again. An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what they were doing. So he asked Ole, 'I'm impressed by the effort you two are putting in to your work, but I don't get it -- why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?' Ole, the hole digger, wiped his brow and sighed, 'Vell, I suppose it probably looks odd because ve're normally a three-person team. But today Sven, who plants da trees called in sick.' |
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Of the Pokatwat Tribe | |
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| Larry | Jan 25 2009, 09:05 AM Post #2 |
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
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Lars the bartender asked Ole, "Do ya know da difference between a Norvegian and a canoe?" "No, I don't," said Ole. "A canoe will sometimes tip," explained Lars. |
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Of the Pokatwat Tribe | |
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| Larry | Jan 25 2009, 09:05 AM Post #3 |
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
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You know why Ole took Lena everywhere he went? He didn't want to have to kiss her goodbye |
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Of the Pokatwat Tribe | |
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| Larry | Jan 25 2009, 09:06 AM Post #4 |
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
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Ole and Lena went to the Olympics. While sitting on a bench a lady turned to Ole and said, "Are you a pole vaulter?" Ole said, "No, I'm Norvegian and my name isn't Valter." |
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Of the Pokatwat Tribe | |
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| Larry | Jan 25 2009, 09:06 AM Post #5 |
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
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A Swede going through Minnesoooota on a cold winter day suffered a slight accident. Unable to find his monkey-wrench he went to a farm house and inquired of Ole, the Norwegian farmer, "Have you got a monkey-wrench here?" "Naw," replied Ole. "My brother Knute got a cattle rench over dere and my cousin Olaf got a sheep rench down dere but it's too cold for a monkey rench here." |
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Of the Pokatwat Tribe | |
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| Larry | Jan 25 2009, 09:08 AM Post #6 |
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
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Ole met an old school friend. His friend said, "Ole, what have you been doing all these years?" Ole replied, "Vell for one ting, I married Lena. She isn't much to look at, but I love her very much." His friend said, "Do you have any children?" Ole replied, "No, ve have decided to vait until later in life, but we have purchased a little monkey, and he has become like one of the family. He even sits at the table with us at meal time." His friend said, "That's disgusting." And Ole said, "Not only that, but he sleeps between us at night." His friend replied, "That's the awfullest thing I've ever heard, what about the smell." Ole said, "Vell, he had to get used to it, yust like I did." |
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Of the Pokatwat Tribe | |
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| Larry | Jan 25 2009, 09:09 AM Post #7 |
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
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Of the Pokatwat Tribe | |
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| Larry | Jan 25 2009, 09:11 AM Post #8 |
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
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"Hey, Sven," said Ole. "How many Swedes does it take to grease a combine?" After Sven replied, "I don't know," Ole said, "Only two, if you run them through real slow." |
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Of the Pokatwat Tribe | |
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| Larry | Jan 25 2009, 09:14 AM Post #9 |
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
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Ole and Lena was at the kitchen table for the usual morning cup of coffee and listening to a weather report coming from the radio. "There will be 3 to 5 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. All vehicles should be parked on the odd-numbered side of the streets today to facilitate snowplows," the radio voice declared. "Oh, gosh, OK," said Ole, getting up, bundling up and heading outside to dutifully put his car on the odd numbered side of the street. Two days later, Ole and Lena were at morning coffee when the radio voice said: "There will be 2 to 4 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your vehicles on the even-numbered side of the streets." Ole got up from his coffee as before. He bundled up, shuffled off, and put his car on the even-numbered side of the street. A few days later, the couple was at the table when the radio voice declared: "There will be 6 to 8 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the ..." Just then, the power went out. "Park it where?" Ole asked in the dark, "What should I do?" "Aw, to heck with them, Ole," Lena said, "Don't worry about it today. Just leave the car in the garage." |
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Of the Pokatwat Tribe | |
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| George K | Jan 25 2009, 09:20 AM Post #10 |
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Finally
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(variation of your joke - I first heard it about an Indian (dot, not feather).) Ole, who lives on a farm about 50 miles west of the Twin Cities, decides that he's going to buy another cow for his farm, but doesn't have room in his barn. So, he goes to the market to buy a cow. "You want to buy another cow for your farm, eh?" "Ayup. But I don't have room in the barn for her." "That's too bad, what are you going to do with her?" "I'll keep her in the house, in the room behind the living room." "Oh gosh! You're going to buy a cow and keep her in your house? What about the smell and the flies?" "She'll just have to get used to it." |
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A guide to GKSR: Click "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08 Nothing is as effective as homeopathy. I'd rather listen to an hour of Abba than an hour of The Beatles. - Klaus, 4/29/18 | |
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| brenda | Jan 25 2009, 09:35 AM Post #11 |
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Hey, you guys are from Minnesoooota, too? Or you wish you were?? |
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“Weeds are flowers, too, once you get to know them.” ~A.A. Milne | |
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| apple | Jan 25 2009, 05:02 PM Post #12 |
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one of the angels
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| it behooves me to behold | |
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| musicasacra | Jan 25 2009, 06:01 PM Post #13 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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Brenda, my mom won an Ole and Lena joke contest at the community theater. Participants got on stage and told their best O & L joke. Small town South Dakota fun times. |
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| brenda | Jan 25 2009, 07:24 PM Post #14 |
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Do you know which one her 'winning' joke was? I'd love to hear hers, especially since it was good enough to win! |
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“Weeds are flowers, too, once you get to know them.” ~A.A. Milne | |
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| musicasacra | Jan 25 2009, 07:50 PM Post #15 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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Sven goes over to Ole and Lena's for dinner. He asks for the pepper, and Lena goes into the kitchen fumbling around in the dark for the pepper. She brings it in to Sven. The next morning Lena is cleaning up in the kitchen and realizes she had given Sven gun powder instead of pepper. She calls Sven right away and tells him what happened. Sven says, "That explains why this morning when I bent over to tie my shoes, I shot the dog." |
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| Mikhailoh | Jan 25 2009, 07:53 PM Post #16 |
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If you want trouble, find yourself a redhead
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Now THAT'S funny.
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Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead - Lucille Ball | |
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| brenda | Jan 25 2009, 07:56 PM Post #17 |
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Thank you, MS!! How is your mom doing? |
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“Weeds are flowers, too, once you get to know them.” ~A.A. Milne | |
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| Larry | Jan 25 2009, 07:59 PM Post #18 |
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
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Ole calls Lena from the emergency room. He tells her that his finger got cut off at the construction site where he works. "Oh my God!!" cried Lena. "The whole finger?" "No," replied Ole. "The one next to it.." |
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Of the Pokatwat Tribe | |
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| George K | Jan 25 2009, 08:04 PM Post #19 |
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Finally
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A guide to GKSR: Click "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08 Nothing is as effective as homeopathy. I'd rather listen to an hour of Abba than an hour of The Beatles. - Klaus, 4/29/18 | |
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| musicasacra | Jan 25 2009, 08:07 PM Post #20 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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Better, healing the broken bone. 3 months in the brace, doc said she should fully heal. |
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| Larry | Jan 25 2009, 08:11 PM Post #21 |
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
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"I dream of a day when chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned." Ole Aristotle |
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Of the Pokatwat Tribe | |
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| Larry | Jan 25 2009, 08:12 PM Post #22 |
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
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Of the Pokatwat Tribe | |
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| Larry | Jan 25 2009, 08:15 PM Post #23 |
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
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Optical illusion - can you see the baby?
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Of the Pokatwat Tribe | |
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| apple | Jan 25 2009, 08:15 PM Post #24 |
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one of the angels
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now that cracked me up |
| it behooves me to behold | |
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| brenda | Jan 25 2009, 08:16 PM Post #25 |
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Can she be home during that three months? Is her activity very limited? I love it that she went up on stage to tell her joke. She must be quite a lady. What is she like? |
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“Weeds are flowers, too, once you get to know them.” ~A.A. Milne | |
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8:45 AM Jul 13