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| More Fart Humor | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Jan 23 2009, 08:04 AM (607 Views) | |
| Frank_W | Jan 24 2009, 11:12 AM Post #26 |
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Resident Misanthrope
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Anatomy Prof: "The human body has about 20 sq. meters of skin." Me: "Man, that's a lot of lampshades!" | |
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| Quagmire | Jan 24 2009, 04:13 PM Post #27 |
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Senior Carp
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I hate the fart trifecta. When three (3) people are standing together socializing, and suddenly the odor becomes silently apparent. Everyone knows its there, its in the eyes, but taboo to speak of it. I know it wasnt me, the culprit knows it wasnt me, yet the third person assigns me a 50% chance of guilt, and I dont know which person that is. I need to absolve myself. Usually, I display a subtle amount of disgust on my face, blended with a hint of investigative curiosity by glancing around as if trying to identify the source of the foulness. All subtle enough to mantian plausible deniability, lest I be accuses of protesting too much, or worse, fall into the 'he who smelt it dealt it' axiom. And I finish with a drifting away from the close quarters to display my indignance, distance myself from blame, and escape the event horizon. |
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| George K | Jan 24 2009, 04:22 PM Post #28 |
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Finally
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Q: What's the smartest muscle in the human body? A: The rectal sphincter: It can distinguish between the three phases of matter - solid, liquid, or gas. It's true! |
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A guide to GKSR: Click "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08 Nothing is as effective as homeopathy. I'd rather listen to an hour of Abba than an hour of The Beatles. - Klaus, 4/29/18 | |
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| Quagmire | Jan 24 2009, 04:30 PM Post #29 |
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Senior Carp
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So I guess 'sharting' identifies the sphincters elibigle for the short bus? But seriously, if this is presented as legitimate, cant pretty much any muscle distinguish those? I know my tongue can. Edit: Of course, my tongue is distinguishing different solids, liquids, and gasses than the other muscle is. YYMV. |
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| sue | Jan 24 2009, 04:35 PM Post #30 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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I love the kind of mind that would put the effort into writing that.
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| Frank_W | Jan 24 2009, 04:48 PM Post #31 |
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Resident Misanthrope
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Anatomy Prof: "The human body has about 20 sq. meters of skin." Me: "Man, that's a lot of lampshades!" | |
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| kathyk | Jan 24 2009, 04:55 PM Post #32 |
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Pisa-Carp
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Yeah, but, what if you're the one who laid it?
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| Blogging in Palestine: http://kksjournal.com/ | |
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| George K | Jan 24 2009, 04:58 PM Post #33 |
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Finally
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Here I sit all broken hearted tried to sh!t but only farted. Then one day I took a chance tried to fart and sh!t my pants |
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A guide to GKSR: Click "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08 Nothing is as effective as homeopathy. I'd rather listen to an hour of Abba than an hour of The Beatles. - Klaus, 4/29/18 | |
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| Quagmire | Jan 24 2009, 05:00 PM Post #34 |
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Senior Carp
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I dont fart. (otherwise, my behavior would be the same. If one must suffer the consequences of guilt ambiguity when innocent, then he deserves to reap its rewards when guilty.) |
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| Horace | Jan 24 2009, 05:08 PM Post #35 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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A society is judged by |
| As a good person, I implore you to do as I, a good person, do. Be good. Do NOT be bad. If you see bad, end bad. End it in yourself, and end it in others. By any means necessary, the good must conquer the bad. Good people know this. Do you know this? Are you good? | |
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| Quagmire | Jan 24 2009, 05:17 PM Post #36 |
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Senior Carp
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The guilty scenario was hypothetical. I reiterate: I dont fart. |
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| Frank_W | Jan 24 2009, 08:12 PM Post #37 |
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Resident Misanthrope
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Always remember Never forget Your defenses are down When you're taking a sh!t |
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Anatomy Prof: "The human body has about 20 sq. meters of skin." Me: "Man, that's a lot of lampshades!" | |
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| Larry | Jan 24 2009, 08:26 PM Post #38 |
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
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My last wife says that women can't fart until they get married. According to her, that's when they get an asshole.... |
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Of the Pokatwat Tribe | |
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| Frank_W | Jan 24 2009, 08:30 PM Post #39 |
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Resident Misanthrope
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![]() There was a woman at an auto dealership. As she leaned over to check out the interior of a beautiful Aston Martin, she emitted a small fart. Rather embarrassed, she straightened up and looked around, and was relieved that no one seemed to have noticed. An affable young salesman approached her and said, "You like the Aston, eh?" She replied that she did. He said, "Well, if just looking at it makes you fart, you're going to just SH!T when you see the price!!" |
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Anatomy Prof: "The human body has about 20 sq. meters of skin." Me: "Man, that's a lot of lampshades!" | |
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8:46 AM Jul 13