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The Irish Prostitue
Topic Started: Jan 21 2009, 11:18 AM (349 Views)
Mikhailoh
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If you want trouble, find yourself a redhead
THE IRISH PROSTITUTE


An Irish daughter had not been home for over a year. Upon her

return, her Father cussed her. 'Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not
write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother thru?'



The girl, crying, replied, 'Sniff, sniff....Dad....I became a prostitute...'





'Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this Catholic family.'





'OK, Dad-- as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a $5 million savings certificate. For me little brother, this gold Rolex. And for ye Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club........................ (takes a breath)............. and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera and... ..'



'Now what was it ye said ye had become?' says Dad.





Girl, crying again, 'Sniff, sniff....a prostitute Daddy! Sniff, sniff.'





'Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant. Come here and give yer old Dad a hug.
Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead - Lucille Ball
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Frank_W
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Resident Misanthrope
:lol2:
Anatomy Prof: "The human body has about 20 sq. meters of skin."
Me: "Man, that's a lot of lampshades!"
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DivaDeb
HOLY CARP!!!
old joke, but a good one...and fairly consistent with the priorities of my favorite Irish catholics :-)
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Mark
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HOLY CARP!!!
:lol2:
___.___
(_]===*
o 0
When I see an adult on a bicycle, I do not despair for the future of the human race. H.G. Wells
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Aqua Letifer
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ZOOOOOM!
DivaDeb
Jan 21 2009, 11:20 AM
old joke, but a good one...and fairly consistent with the priorities of my favorite Irish catholics :-)
:lol:

I've heard about the same from my Uncle at times. I still dunno whether or not he's joking but he's good at that.
I cite irreconcilable differences.
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Mikhailoh
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If you want trouble, find yourself a redhead
At Saint Mary's Catholic Church they have a weekly
husbands' marriage seminar. At the session last
week, the Priest asked Luigi, who was approaching his
50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and
share some insight into how he had managed to stay
married to the same woman all these years.

Luigi replied to the assembled husbands, 'Well,
I've tried to treat her nice, spend the money on her; but
best of all is that I took her to Italy for the 20th
anniversary!'

The Priest responded, 'Luigi, you are an amazing
inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell us
what you are planning for your wife for your 50th
anniversary.'

Luigi proudly replied, 'I'm a gonna go and get
her.'
Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead - Lucille Ball
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LadyElton
Fulla-Carp
:spit: :lol2:
Hilary aka LadyElton
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Guido
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Advanced Member
One-a day me anda father Luigi catcha the bus. We sitta down, and-a father Luigi finishes explaining to me...

"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time."

A lady sittinga next to father Luigi got mad! She said "You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine, In this country….we don’t speak aloud in public places about our sex lives!"

I told her "Calm-a down lady.. the father is justa telling me howa to spella Mississippi."
Thanka you, thanka you.
Father Guido Sarducci
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LadyElton
Fulla-Carp
:lol:
Hilary aka LadyElton
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Larry
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
A Jewish woman goes to the tattoo parlor and asks the artist to draw a Hamantaschen on her inner left thigh and a piece of Matzoh on her inner right thigh. He finds this request new and odd.

He asks "Why do you want these Jewish foods tattooed on your legs?"

She replies "My husband is always complaining there is nothing to eat between Purim and Passover!"
Of the Pokatwat Tribe

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Larry
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
Know how copper wire was invented?

Two Scotsmen fighting over a penny....
Of the Pokatwat Tribe

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Larry
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
An old couple are sitting at the breakfast table when the woman says "honey, remember how we used to eat breakfast in the nude when we were first married? Let's do it again!" So they take all their clothes off.. after awhile the woman says "Did you know my nipples are just as hot for you today as they were 40 years ago?" The man says "That's just because one of them is in your coffee and the other one is in your oatmeal..."
Of the Pokatwat Tribe

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Red Rice
HOLY CARP!!!
A man seeking to join an East Texas Sheriff's Department is being interviewed.

The Deputy doing the interview says: "Your qualifications all look good, but there is an attitude suitability test that you must take before you can be accepted."

Then, sliding a service pistol across the desk, he says: "Take this pistol and go out and shoot six illegal aliens, six meth dealers, six Muslim extremists, and a rabbit."

"Why the rabbit?"

"Great attitude! When can you start?"
Civilisation, I vaguely realized then - and subsequent observation has confirmed the view - could not progress that way. It must have a greater guiding principle to survive. To treat it as a carcase off which each man tears as much as he can for himself, is to stand convicted a brute, fit for nothing better than a jungle existence, which is a death-struggle, leading nowhither. I did not believe that was the human destiny, for Man individually was sane and reasonable, only collectively a fool.

I hope the gunner of that Hun two-seater shot him clean, bullet to heart, and that his plane, on fire, fell like a meteor through the sky he loved. Since he had to end, I hope he ended so. But, oh, the waste! The loss!

- Cecil Lewis
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Frank_W
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Resident Misanthrope
Bush and Powell are hanging out in the pool bar in Cozumel, Mexico. Bush calls out to a guy a little further away and says, "Colin and I were just talking about nuking the sh't out of 20 million Muslims and a gorgeous blond with big tits!"

The fella' says, "Why would you wanna' nuke a gorgeous blond with big tits for?!"

Bush smacks Powell and says, "Pay up!! I told you no one would care about 20 million Muslims!"
Anatomy Prof: "The human body has about 20 sq. meters of skin."
Me: "Man, that's a lot of lampshades!"
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NAK
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Senior Carp
An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The barman asks him, 'You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time.'
The Irishman replies, 'Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America and the other's in Australia and I'm here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together' The barman admits that this is a nice custom and leaves it there.
The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar and always drinks the same way, ordering three pints and drinking them in turn. One day he comes in and orders only two pints. All the other regulars notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the barman says, 'I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss.' The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs. 'Oh no,' he says. 'Everyone's fine. I've just given up drinking.'
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Frank_W
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Resident Misanthrope
:lol2:
Anatomy Prof: "The human body has about 20 sq. meters of skin."
Me: "Man, that's a lot of lampshades!"
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