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| Why the chicken crossed the road | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Aug 8 2008, 12:39 PM (218 Views) | |
| Larry | Aug 8 2008, 12:39 PM Post #1 |
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
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BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE! JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road. HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure -- right from Day One! -- that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me... GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here. COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road... JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it. NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks. DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told. ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain. Alone. GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough. ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road. JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace. ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken? BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken? AL GORE: I invented the chicken! COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one? |
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Of the Pokatwat Tribe | |
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| Frank_W | Aug 8 2008, 12:43 PM Post #2 |
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Resident Misanthrope
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Anatomy Prof: "The human body has about 20 sq. meters of skin." Me: "Man, that's a lot of lampshades!" | |
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| Improviso | Aug 8 2008, 12:45 PM Post #3 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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Why did the chicken cross the road? To prove to the possum that it could actually be done. |
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Identifying narcissists isn't difficult. Just look for the person who is constantly fishing for compliments and admiration while breaking down over even the slightest bit of criticism. We have the freedom to choose our actions, but we do not get to choose our consequences. | |
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| Larry | Aug 8 2008, 12:46 PM Post #4 |
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
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Polish paramedics
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Of the Pokatwat Tribe | |
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| Frank_W | Aug 8 2008, 12:51 PM Post #5 |
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Resident Misanthrope
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![]() I know some people like that. (The mannequin) |
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Anatomy Prof: "The human body has about 20 sq. meters of skin." Me: "Man, that's a lot of lampshades!" | |
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| Klaus | Aug 8 2008, 01:40 PM Post #6 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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http://www.whydidthechickencrosstheroad.com/ |
| Trifonov Fleisher Klaus Sokolov Zimmerman | |
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| JBryan | Aug 8 2008, 03:09 PM Post #7 |
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I am the grey one
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"Kiss the dummy" class gets a turn around. |
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"Any man who would make an X rated movie should be forced to take his daughter to see it". - John Wayne There is a line we cross when we go from "I will believe it when I see it" to "I will see it when I believe it". Henry II: I marvel at you after all these years. Still like a democratic drawbridge: going down for everybody. Eleanor: At my age there's not much traffic anymore. From The Lion in Winter. | |
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| Larry | Aug 8 2008, 06:44 PM Post #8 |
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
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An old lady in a nursing home is wheeling up and down the halls in her wheelchair making sounds like she's driving a car. As she's going down the hall, an old man jumps out of a room and says, "Excuse me ma'am but you were speeding. Can I see your driver's license?" She digs around in her purse a little, pulls out a candy wrapper, and hands it to him. He looks it over, gives her a warning and sends her on her way. Up and down the halls she goes again. Again, the same old man jumps out of a room and says, "Excuse me ma'am but I saw you cross over the center line back there. Can I see your registration please?" She digs around in her purse a little, pulls out a store receipt and hands it to him. He looks it over, gives her another warning and sends her on her way. She zooms off again up and down the halls weaving all over. As she comes to the old man's room again, he jumps out. He's stark naked and has an erection! The old lady in the wheel chair looks up and says, "Oh, no, not the Breathalyzer again!" |
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Of the Pokatwat Tribe | |
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| Larry | Aug 8 2008, 06:50 PM Post #9 |
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
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Things to do at Walmart while your wife shops 1. Get several boxes of stuff and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking. 2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5 minute intervals. 3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the restrooms. 4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, "CODE 3 IN HOUSEWARES" and see what happens. 5. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on layaway. 6. Move a CAUTION-WET FLOOR sign to a carpeted area. 7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows fron the bedding department. 8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask "Why can't you people just leave me alone?" 9. Look right into the security camera; use it as a mirror and pick your nose. 10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. 11. Dart around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme. 12. In the auto department, practice your "MADONNA LOOK" using different size funnels. 13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say PICK ME. 14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream NO-NO It's those voices again!!! and last but not least..... 15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door, wait a while and then yell very loudly, ''Help! There's no toilet paper in here!!" |
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Of the Pokatwat Tribe | |
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| Larry | Aug 8 2008, 06:57 PM Post #10 |
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
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Little Johnny says to his mother " Mommy, I have to go and tinkle." The mother replies back " Would you like Mommy to take you?". Little Johnny says " No let grandma . . . her hand shakes! |
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Of the Pokatwat Tribe | |
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| Larry | Aug 8 2008, 06:59 PM Post #11 |
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
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Jim and Mary were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom and stayed there. Mary promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out. When the medical director became aware of Mary's heroic act he immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital as he now considered her to be mentally stable. When he went to tell Mary the news he said, "Mary, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged because since you were able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you've regained your senses. The bad news is Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he's dead." Mary replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry." |
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Of the Pokatwat Tribe | |
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