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| Local Idiot To Post Comment On Internet | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Aug 8 2008, 06:30 AM (263 Views) | |
| George K | Aug 8 2008, 06:30 AM Post #1 |
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Finally
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Local Idiot To Post Comment On Internet HAZEL PARK, MI—In a statement made to reporters earlier this afternoon, local idiot Brandon Mylenek, 26, announced that at approximately 2:30 a.m. tonight, he plans to post an idiotic comment beneath a video on an Internet website. ![]() Mylenek, a moron, prepares to publicly address the "dumbest shiz [he's] evr seen!!!1!" "Later this evening, I intend to watch the video in question, click the 'reply' link above the box reserved for user comments, and draft a response, being careful to put as little thought into it as possible, while making sure to use all capital letters and incorrect punctuation," Mylenek said. "Although I do not yet know exactly what my comment will entail, I can say with a great degree of certainty that it will be incredibly stupid." Mylenek, who rarely in his life has been capable of formulating an idea or opinion worth the amount of oxygen required to express it, went on to guarantee that the text of his comment would be misspelled to the point of incomprehension, that it would defy the laws of both logic and grammar, and that it would allege that several elements of the video are homosexual in nature. "The result will be an astonishing combination of ignorance, offensiveness, and sheer idiocy," Mylenek said. According to the idiot, he will become incensed at the quality and sentiment of the comments already posted below the video—which will include such replies as "not great, nice try tho," "FIRSTIES!!!" and "wtf?? lol so random." At this point, Mylenek said, he will feel a deep, unwavering desire to offer a dissenting opinion, which he has hinted will include the words "gay" and "reatrd" [sic]. "It is my moral obligation to alert the Internet community to the fact that this video is totally gay, and furthermore, that the individual who made it is a fag," Mylenek said. Pressed for further details regarding his intended post, Mylenek, who will comment under the Internet pseudonym "xblingdaddy2005x," revealed that there is a strong possibility he will inadvertently post the comment twice. "After clicking the 'submit' button, I will immediately refresh the page so that I can view my own comment. I will then notice that my comment has not appeared because the server has not yet processed my request, become angry and confused, and re-post the same comment with unintentional variations on the original wording and misspellings, creating two slightly different yet equally moronic comments," he said. "It is my hope that this will illustrate both my childlike level of impatience and my inability to replicate a simple string of letters and symbols 30 seconds after having composed it." Mylenek confirmed rumors that he will be momentarily sidetracked by another inane task while drafting his comment. The distraction is scheduled to come at 2:25 a.m. in the form of a "related video" link featuring a man being sodomized by a horse, which Mylenek will re-watch seven times and laugh obnoxiously at with his friend and fellow idiot, Steve Blanchette, 28. "Once this minor diversion is complete, I will finish posting my comment, then sit there like the worthless human being I am and wait for other commenters to respond," he added. "Because, as I mentioned before, I have nothing better to do with my life." Mylenek said he fully expects that his comment will spawn a series of replies from other idiots around the world, who will either agree with his stance, disagree with his stance, or call Mylenek himself a "d0uche" and post an irrelevant link to a separate video that they will claim to be "way funnier." According to Mylenek, this is all part of the plan. "We are blessed to be living in an age when we have a global communications network in which idiots, assholes, and total and complete wastes of ****ing human life alike can come together to give instant feedback in an unfettered and unmonitored online environment," Mylenek said. "What better way to take advantage of this incredible technology than to log onto the Internet and insult a complete stranger?" According to media critic Judy Turner, this type of behavior is not uncommon among idiots. "Brandon's comments in particular contain a degree of unoriginality and stupidity that you only see in the most muttonheaded and imbecilic Internet commenters," Turner said. "In fact, I've seen him use at least a dozen variations of the word 'gay.' Suffice it to say, Brandon Mylenek is a truly stupid, stupid idiot." Mylenek concluded his press conference with a solemn vow to uphold the awful, unintelligible, anger-inducing quality of his past Internet comments. "I promise everyone that this post will be exactly what you have come to expect from an idiot like myself," he said, "and that I will check my comment regularly so that I can call everyone who says it's stupid a fag." |
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A guide to GKSR: Click "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08 Nothing is as effective as homeopathy. I'd rather listen to an hour of Abba than an hour of The Beatles. - Klaus, 4/29/18 | |
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| Aqua Letifer | Aug 8 2008, 06:33 AM Post #2 |
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ZOOOOOM!
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Daniel, you didn't tell us you were in the paper! |
| I cite irreconcilable differences. | |
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| Frank_W | Aug 8 2008, 07:17 AM Post #3 |
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Resident Misanthrope
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I love the Onion...
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Anatomy Prof: "The human body has about 20 sq. meters of skin." Me: "Man, that's a lot of lampshades!" | |
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| Red Rice | Aug 8 2008, 07:32 AM Post #4 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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It reads like a story of my life.
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Civilisation, I vaguely realized then - and subsequent observation has confirmed the view - could not progress that way. It must have a greater guiding principle to survive. To treat it as a carcase off which each man tears as much as he can for himself, is to stand convicted a brute, fit for nothing better than a jungle existence, which is a death-struggle, leading nowhither. I did not believe that was the human destiny, for Man individually was sane and reasonable, only collectively a fool. I hope the gunner of that Hun two-seater shot him clean, bullet to heart, and that his plane, on fire, fell like a meteor through the sky he loved. Since he had to end, I hope he ended so. But, oh, the waste! The loss! - Cecil Lewis | |
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| Daniel | Aug 8 2008, 08:07 AM Post #5 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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Sorry closet case, I'll try to do better next time! |
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| Riley | Aug 8 2008, 08:09 AM Post #6 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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You haven't explained why your response is always to accuse people of being gay. Is there something wrong with being gay? |
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| Free Rider | Aug 8 2008, 08:10 AM Post #7 |
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Fulla-Carp
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When I saw this thread title I thought, " local idiot posts comment on internet" Yeah...like every second. This is news? Hhahahahahahahaha :lol: :lol: |
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| Aqua Letifer | Aug 8 2008, 08:21 AM Post #8 |
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ZOOOOOM!
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I assumed he had been calling me a foot locker.
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| I cite irreconcilable differences. | |
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| Daniel | Aug 8 2008, 09:32 AM Post #9 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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Do you see the difference between being gay and being a homophobic closet case who insults gay people? Come on, Riley. Put on your thinking cap on. I'm not even talking to you. Please don't drag me into any discussion. I wrote you a very friendly post. I assured you that I wasn't ignoring you. I asked you to take the discussion off line and gave you the reason for my request. Will you forgive me if I don't really feel like talking to you on your terms right now? There is your answer. Study it until you understand it. Please don't ask me again. ![]() |
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| Larry | Aug 8 2008, 11:33 AM Post #10 |
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
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Hey Daniel - shut the F*ck up and go away. Things were about to get peaceful around here again, and here you are back posting ignorant sh!t and fighting with everyone. |
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Of the Pokatwat Tribe | |
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| Mikhailoh | Aug 8 2008, 11:37 AM Post #11 |
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If you want trouble, find yourself a redhead
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More oil washes into the gulf from our roads and rain than is spilled from the platforms. |
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Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead - Lucille Ball | |
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| Frank_W | Aug 8 2008, 11:37 AM Post #12 |
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Resident Misanthrope
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^^^THIS. |
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Anatomy Prof: "The human body has about 20 sq. meters of skin." Me: "Man, that's a lot of lampshades!" | |
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| Larry | Aug 8 2008, 11:40 AM Post #13 |
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
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We must remember that Daniel only knows what the democrat party tells him.... and even then he can't properly process it so as to understand it.... |
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Of the Pokatwat Tribe | |
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4:38 PM Jul 10