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Hey
Topic Started: May 27 2008, 06:42 PM (330 Views)
Claude Ball
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Middle Aged Carp
You know why they don't circumcise rednecks?
We gotta have someplace to put our tobacco while we shower...

Did you hear about the new Kentucky quarter?
Two dimes and a nickel duct taped together..

You know how rednecks tell the difference between a bull and a cow in the dark?
He sticks his nose in the animal's ass. If there's a place for his tongue, it's a cow.

Why do rednecks like the doggie position?
That way they can both watch wrestling.

How can you tell if a redneck is married?
There is tobacco spit stains on both sided of his pickup truck.

What's the difference between Virginia and West Virginia?
In Virginia, Moosehead is a beer. In West Virginia it's a misdemeanor.
Dain bramage caused my peach imspediment.
Tooth? Tooth? You can't handle the tooth!
Remember: He who laughs last, thinks slowest.....
DON'T BEND OVER IN THE GARDEN, MARGARET - THEM TATER'S GOT EYES!
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Claude Ball
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Middle Aged Carp
Here's one for Moonbat....

Two Oxford students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second one replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take what you want.'"

The first one said, "Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn't have fit, anyway."
Dain bramage caused my peach imspediment.
Tooth? Tooth? You can't handle the tooth!
Remember: He who laughs last, thinks slowest.....
DON'T BEND OVER IN THE GARDEN, MARGARET - THEM TATER'S GOT EYES!
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George K
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Finally
Hey, Claude!

Do you know what "Rodeo Sex" is for Rednecks?
A guide to GKSR: Click

"Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... "
- Mik, 6/14/08


Nothing is as effective as homeopathy.

I'd rather listen to an hour of Abba than an hour of The Beatles.
- Klaus, 4/29/18
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Frank_W
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Resident Misanthrope
:lol2: :lol2:
Anatomy Prof: "The human body has about 20 sq. meters of skin."
Me: "Man, that's a lot of lampshades!"
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Claude Ball
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Middle Aged Carp
George K
May 27 2008, 11:00 PM
Hey, Claude!

Do you know what "Rodeo Sex" is for Rednecks?

Is that where you're doin' your girlfriend doggie style and you reach around and hold her boobs in your hands and say "hey - these feel just like your sister's"... and then see how many seconds you can hang on?

Dain bramage caused my peach imspediment.
Tooth? Tooth? You can't handle the tooth!
Remember: He who laughs last, thinks slowest.....
DON'T BEND OVER IN THE GARDEN, MARGARET - THEM TATER'S GOT EYES!
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Red Rice
HOLY CARP!!!
Claude Ball
May 27 2008, 07:17 PM
George K
May 27 2008, 11:00 PM
Hey, Claude!

Do you know what "Rodeo Sex" is for Rednecks?

Is that where you're doin' your girlfriend doggie style and you reach around and hold her boobs in your hands and say "hey - these feel just like your sister's"... and then see how many seconds you can hang on?

:lol:

Of course, a redneck would probably say: "These feel just like my sister's". :P
Civilisation, I vaguely realized then - and subsequent observation has confirmed the view - could not progress that way. It must have a greater guiding principle to survive. To treat it as a carcase off which each man tears as much as he can for himself, is to stand convicted a brute, fit for nothing better than a jungle existence, which is a death-struggle, leading nowhither. I did not believe that was the human destiny, for Man individually was sane and reasonable, only collectively a fool.

I hope the gunner of that Hun two-seater shot him clean, bullet to heart, and that his plane, on fire, fell like a meteor through the sky he loved. Since he had to end, I hope he ended so. But, oh, the waste! The loss!

- Cecil Lewis
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George K
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Finally
Claude Ball
May 27 2008, 10:17 PM
George K
May 27 2008, 11:00 PM
Hey, Claude!

Do you know what "Rodeo Sex" is for Rednecks?

Is that where you're doin' your girlfriend doggie style and you reach around and hold her boobs in your hands and say "hey - these feel just like your sister's"... and then see how many seconds you can hang on?

Dang! Yer good!

The way I heard it is you say, at the ultimate moment of passion, "Gee, honey, this is exactly the way your sister likes it" and try to hold on for 8 seconds.
A guide to GKSR: Click

"Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... "
- Mik, 6/14/08


Nothing is as effective as homeopathy.

I'd rather listen to an hour of Abba than an hour of The Beatles.
- Klaus, 4/29/18
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Claude Ball
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Middle Aged Carp
I got drunk last night, and did a bad thing...

I went into the bedroom where my Rowena was, with a sheep under my arm, and said "this is the pig I sleep with when you have a headache." Rowena said "Honey, that's a sheep." I said "I know - I was talking to the sheep."

Dain bramage caused my peach imspediment.
Tooth? Tooth? You can't handle the tooth!
Remember: He who laughs last, thinks slowest.....
DON'T BEND OVER IN THE GARDEN, MARGARET - THEM TATER'S GOT EYES!
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lb1
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Fulla-Carp
Claude was having a talk with his son and was Claude really proud when his son said he was having sex with his teacher.

Then he realized his son was being home schooled.

My position is simple: you jumped to an unwarranted conclusion and slung mud on an issue where none was deserved. Quirt 03/08/09
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Frank_W
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Resident Misanthrope
:lol2: :lol2:

Pillow-talk in Arkansas:
Daddy, get off of me, now. You're crushing my cigarettes.
Anatomy Prof: "The human body has about 20 sq. meters of skin."
Me: "Man, that's a lot of lampshades!"
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Larry
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two large plastic garbage bags with her, one in each hand. Unfortunately, there's a rip in one of the bags and every once in a while a $20 note falls out onto the pavement. Noticing this, a policeman stops her.

"Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of your bag " "Oh, really? Darn!" says the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can collect them. Thanks for the warning!"

"Well, now, not so fast," says the cop. "How did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?" "Oh, no," says the little old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to the parking lot of the football stadium. Each time there's a game, a lot of fans come and pee through the bushes right into my flower beds! So, I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper and each time someone sticks his little thingy through the bushes, I say, " $ 20 or off it comes."

"Well that seems only fair," laughs the cop. "Okay, good luck! " "By the way, what's in the other bag?"

"Weelllll," says the little old lady, "not everybody pays."
Of the Pokatwat Tribe

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