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I love my car.; No, really. I *love* my car.
Topic Started: May 21 2008, 08:16 AM (295 Views)
George K
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Finally
Man Admits he had Sex with 1000 Cars.

Edward Smith, who lives with his current "girlfriend" – a white Volkswagen Beetle named Vanilla, insisted that he was not "sick" and had no desire to change his ways.

"I appreciate beauty and I go a little bit beyond appreciating the beauty of a car only to the point of what I feel is an expression of love," he said.

"Maybe I'm a little bit off the wall but when I see movies like Herbie and Knight Rider, where cars become loveable, huggable characters it's just wonderful.

"I'm a romantic. I write poetry about cars, I sing to them and talk to them just like a girlfriend. I know what's in my heart and I have no desire to change."

He added: "I'm not sick and I don't want to hurt anyone, cars are just my preference."

Mr Smith, 57, first had sex with a car at the age of 15, and claims he has never been attracted to women or men.

But his wandering eye has spread beyond cars to other vehicles. He says that his most intense sexual experience was "making love" to the helicopter from 1980s TV hit Airwolf.

As well as Vanilla, he regularly spends time with his other vehicles – a 1973 Opal GT, named Cinnamon, and 1993 Ford Ranger Splash, named Ginger.

Before Vanilla, he had a five-year relationship with Victoria, a 1969 VW Beetle he bought from a family of Jehovah's Witnesses.

But he confesses that many of the cars he has had sex with have belonged to strangers or car showrooms.

His last relationship with a woman was 12 years ago - and he could not bring himself to consummate it, although he did have sex with girls in his younger days.
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Nothing is as effective as homeopathy.

I'd rather listen to an hour of Abba than an hour of The Beatles.
- Klaus, 4/29/18
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Phlebas
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Bull-Carp
I've heard of blowing a gasket, but this is ridiculous.
Random FML: Today, I was fired by my boss in front of my coworkers. It would have been nice if I could have left the building before they started celebrating. FML

The founding of the bulk of the world's nation states post 1914 is based on self-defined nationalisms. The bulk of those national movements involve territory that was ethnically mixed. The foundation of many of those nation states involved population movements in the aftermath. When the only one that is repeatedly held up as unjust and unjustifiable is the Zionist project, the term anti-semitism may very well be appropriate. - P*D


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Luke's Dad
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Emperor Pengin
Quote:
 
But he confesses that many of the cars he has had sex with have belonged to strangers or car showrooms.


And I thought that was just a detailing cream that didn't get wiped off my dashboard! :o :hair:
The problem with having an open mind is that people keep trying to put things in it.
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LadyElton
Fulla-Carp
I'm In Love With My Car

by Queen
Words and music by Roger Taylor



The machine of a dream
Such a clean machine
With the pistons a pumpin
And the hub caps all gleam

When I'm holdin your wheel
All I hear is your gear
When my hands on your grease gun
Oh its like a disease son

I'm in love with my car
Gotta feel for my automobile
Get a grip on my boy racer rollbar
Such a thrill when your radials squeal

Told my girl I'll have to forget her
Rather buy me a new carburetor
So she made tracks sayin'
This is the end now
Cars don't talk back
They're just four wheeled friends now

When I'm holdin your wheel
All I hear is your gear
When I'm cruisin in overdrive
Don't have to listen to no run of the mill talk jive

I'm in love with my car
Gotta feel for my automobile
I'm in love with my car
String back gloves in my automolove
Hilary aka LadyElton
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bachophile
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HOLY CARP!!!
well, i can understand the helicopter bit.

"I don't know much about classical music. For years I thought the Goldberg Variations were something Mr. and Mrs. Goldberg did on their wedding night." Woody Allen
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DivaDeb
HOLY CARP!!!
bachophile
May 21 2008, 11:33 AM
well, i can understand the helicopter bit.

:lol:
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Free Rider
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Fulla-Carp
Does anyone else here wonder how someone has sex with a car?

That little detail caught my attention. Hope he doesn't ever have passengers...."hey don't stick to the seat, okay" or "NOBODY touches that window handle but ME!"

:lol:
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LWpianistin
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HOLY CARP!!!
Free Rider
May 21 2008, 12:38 PM
Does anyone else here wonder how someone has sex with a car?

That little detail caught my attention. Hope he doesn't ever have passengers...."hey don't stick to the seat, okay" or "NOBODY touches that window handle but ME!"

:lol:

:lol:

I do wonder....but not too much. :puke:
And how are you today?
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Frank_W
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Posted Image
Anatomy Prof: "The human body has about 20 sq. meters of skin."
Me: "Man, that's a lot of lampshades!"
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Aqua Letifer
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ZOOOOOM!
:lol:

I once saw this short film about a car that was talking to a guy in a parking garage, leading him on. Took the guy about 15 minutes to even warm up to the idea that the car was alive, let alone hitting on him. The car's alarm goes off and the mall security arrives just when things get fully awkward.
I cite irreconcilable differences.
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Frank_W
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Resident Misanthrope
:lol2: :lol2:
Anatomy Prof: "The human body has about 20 sq. meters of skin."
Me: "Man, that's a lot of lampshades!"
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sarah_blueparrot
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Fulla-Carp
How.. erm... How? And perhaps more importantly, where?
Death is simply a shedding of the physical body like the butterfly shedding its cocoon. It is a transition to a higher state of consciousness where you continue to perceive, to understand, to laugh, and to be able to grow.

- Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross
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Luke's Dad
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Emperor Pengin
How would you like to be a manager of a car lot, realize one night that you forgot something at the office, swing by the showroom, and find some dude buck ass naked laying on top of your 2008 Cobra in the window?
The problem with having an open mind is that people keep trying to put things in it.
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LadyElton
Fulla-Carp
I guess he REALLY likes that new car smell. After he's done, it will be a different smell all together. :hide:

Hilary aka LadyElton
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Aqua Letifer
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ZOOOOOM!
Luke's Dad
May 21 2008, 09:38 AM
How would you like to be a manager of a car lot, realize one night that you forgot something at the office, swing by the showroom, and find some dude buck ass naked laying on top of your 2008 Cobra in the window?

I think that after calling the police, I'd thank the guy for providing me with a bar story that I could use for generations.
I cite irreconcilable differences.
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Luke's Dad
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Emperor Pengin
The Transformers movie must have been like hard core porn for him.
The problem with having an open mind is that people keep trying to put things in it.
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sarah_blueparrot
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Fulla-Carp
:lol2:
Death is simply a shedding of the physical body like the butterfly shedding its cocoon. It is a transition to a higher state of consciousness where you continue to perceive, to understand, to laugh, and to be able to grow.

- Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross
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ivorythumper
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I am so adjective that I verb nouns!
Phlebas
May 21 2008, 09:21 AM
I've heard of blowing a gasket, but this is ridiculous.

:lol: :lol:

Maybe he's a tail pipe smoker.
The dogma lives loudly within me.
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sarah_blueparrot
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Fulla-Carp
All right, could we accelerate past the motor jokes, I think they're pretty much exhausted.
Death is simply a shedding of the physical body like the butterfly shedding its cocoon. It is a transition to a higher state of consciousness where you continue to perceive, to understand, to laugh, and to be able to grow.

- Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross
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Luke's Dad
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Emperor Pengin
I wonder if they tried it dodgie-style?
The problem with having an open mind is that people keep trying to put things in it.
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Luke's Dad
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Emperor Pengin
Quote:
 
white Volkswagen Beetle


Now we know what fahrvfrunuegen means.
The problem with having an open mind is that people keep trying to put things in it.
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bachophile
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HOLY CARP!!!
Posted Image

for those one night stands, always best to practice safe car sex. use a condom.
"I don't know much about classical music. For years I thought the Goldberg Variations were something Mr. and Mrs. Goldberg did on their wedding night." Woody Allen
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Frank_W
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Resident Misanthrope
:lol2: :lol2: :lol2:
Anatomy Prof: "The human body has about 20 sq. meters of skin."
Me: "Man, that's a lot of lampshades!"
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