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| As President, I Would.... | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: May 20 2008, 05:56 AM (255 Views) | |
| Luke's Dad | May 20 2008, 05:56 AM Post #1 |
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Emperor Pengin
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While walking home from the local pub, you get randomly picked by some journalist for a man on the street interview for the local TV news. They proceed to question you about the upcoming election, and you go into a hilarious drunken rant abput the state of the country, state of politics, and the personal habits of all the major candidates. The next morning, you find out that the video has been posted on YouTube, and within a week has over 1,000,000 views. The phenomenon keeps growing until in November, due to write in protest votes, you've actually been elected President of the United States! Congratulations Mr/Mrs/Ms President. What do you do now?What are your major issues that you want to address, and how do you address them? |
| The problem with having an open mind is that people keep trying to put things in it. | |
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| Red Rice | May 20 2008, 06:00 AM Post #2 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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Worked for Bush |
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Civilisation, I vaguely realized then - and subsequent observation has confirmed the view - could not progress that way. It must have a greater guiding principle to survive. To treat it as a carcase off which each man tears as much as he can for himself, is to stand convicted a brute, fit for nothing better than a jungle existence, which is a death-struggle, leading nowhither. I did not believe that was the human destiny, for Man individually was sane and reasonable, only collectively a fool. I hope the gunner of that Hun two-seater shot him clean, bullet to heart, and that his plane, on fire, fell like a meteor through the sky he loved. Since he had to end, I hope he ended so. But, oh, the waste! The loss! - Cecil Lewis | |
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| VPG | May 20 2008, 06:06 AM Post #3 |
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Pisa-Carp
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Have a law passed outlawing YouTube!
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I'M NOT YELLING.........I'M ITALIAN...........THAT'S HOW WE TALK! "People say that we're in a time when there are no heroes, they just don't know where to look." Ronald Reagan, Inaugural, 1971 | |
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| QuirtEvans | May 20 2008, 06:06 AM Post #4 |
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I Owe It All To John D'Oh
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Well, first, Social Security. I pull the top five Republican and Democratic leaders from the House and Senate into a room. I tell them that this conversation is completely embargoed, and they have to agree to it before the conversation starts, or else they'll be asked to leave, and I'll bring in whoever is next in line to replace them. Then I tell them that we are going to come up with a response to the Social Security crisis, and we're going to do it now. And that none, not one, of their pet projects will get my signature until they do. Even if they fund it, I won't sign the bill. Even if they override the veto, I won't implement it. They can bring in anyone else they like, provided they agree to the embargo too. And any solution has to have the unanimous approval of the people in the room. They have to commit to it, and they can't walk away afterwards. I will step out in front. I'll take the heat. It can be billed as my solution, no matter what it is, and I'll take the criticism. But they have to commit to support it. And I'd put Rubin and Paulsen in the room with them. At this point, I honestly don't care what the answer is. I just want a solution. And I want it now. |
| It would be unwise to underestimate what large groups of ill-informed people acting together can achieve. -- John D'Oh, January 14, 2010. | |
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| Red Rice | May 20 2008, 06:11 AM Post #5 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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I'd want to solve Medicare before Social Security. And even before that, we need to develop a coherent strategy for dealing with China, politically, economically, militarily. By the middle of the century, China will be our equal, in a way the Soviet Union never was. |
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Civilisation, I vaguely realized then - and subsequent observation has confirmed the view - could not progress that way. It must have a greater guiding principle to survive. To treat it as a carcase off which each man tears as much as he can for himself, is to stand convicted a brute, fit for nothing better than a jungle existence, which is a death-struggle, leading nowhither. I did not believe that was the human destiny, for Man individually was sane and reasonable, only collectively a fool. I hope the gunner of that Hun two-seater shot him clean, bullet to heart, and that his plane, on fire, fell like a meteor through the sky he loved. Since he had to end, I hope he ended so. But, oh, the waste! The loss! - Cecil Lewis | |
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| George K | May 20 2008, 06:30 AM Post #6 |
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Finally
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Quirt good response. And I agree. It would be nice if something like that could be done. However, isn't it the mantra of many on the left that there is no Social Security Crisis? |
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A guide to GKSR: Click "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08 Nothing is as effective as homeopathy. I'd rather listen to an hour of Abba than an hour of The Beatles. - Klaus, 4/29/18 | |
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| Mark | May 20 2008, 06:46 AM Post #7 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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I would make gold and silver lawful currency again. Then I would abolish the Federal Reserve and the IRS. The rest is cake after that. |
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___.___ (_]===* o 0 When I see an adult on a bicycle, I do not despair for the future of the human race. H.G. Wells | |
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| The 89th Key | May 20 2008, 07:16 AM Post #8 |
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My six top priorities, in no particular order, would be to: 1) Cut federal spending significantly, revisit many programs and figure out which ones are working and which ones aren't. While this number is arbitrary, I would cut federal spending by at least 25%. 2) Secure the border and implement a strict but realistic solution to solving the immigration problem. 3) Implement a new foreign policy direction that would withdraw troops from the Middle East as safely/soon as possible, focus our military only on critical needs such as intelligence gathering, covert operations against rogue groups (like Al-Qaeda), border and domestic security, and a strong but hesitant response to acts of war/terror. In addition, work with other friendly and enemy nations as possible to achieve ideal diplomatic and economic outcomes, while still enforcing the policy of zero negotiations, appeasement, or tolerance of governments who support or allow violence against the USA. 4) Encourage clean domestic drilling, nuclear power, and alternative energy exploration. 5) Colonize the planet Mercury. 6) Eliminate any race, gender, or other discriminatory practices (e.g., affirmative action) by the government or government-funded programs, schools, etc. 7) Simplify the tax code and implement a flat percentage income tax once above the poverty line. |
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| Aqua Letifer | May 20 2008, 07:37 AM Post #9 |
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ZOOOOOM!
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Dismantle the USPS and use that money to fix our health care craziness. Hahahah that's crazy! Is he joking? |
| I cite irreconcilable differences. | |
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| Frank_W | May 20 2008, 07:48 AM Post #10 |
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Resident Misanthrope
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I would get a puppy. Also, beer. Then resign, immediately turning the job over to my Vice President, The Honorable George Carlin. |
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Anatomy Prof: "The human body has about 20 sq. meters of skin." Me: "Man, that's a lot of lampshades!" | |
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| JBryan | May 20 2008, 07:49 AM Post #11 |
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I am the grey one
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Puppies and beer for everyone! |
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"Any man who would make an X rated movie should be forced to take his daughter to see it". - John Wayne There is a line we cross when we go from "I will believe it when I see it" to "I will see it when I believe it". Henry II: I marvel at you after all these years. Still like a democratic drawbridge: going down for everybody. Eleanor: At my age there's not much traffic anymore. From The Lion in Winter. | |
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| QuirtEvans | May 20 2008, 07:58 AM Post #12 |
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I Owe It All To John D'Oh
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If that's true, then I guess that means I'm not on the left. |
| It would be unwise to underestimate what large groups of ill-informed people acting together can achieve. -- John D'Oh, January 14, 2010. | |
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| Copper | May 20 2008, 08:12 AM Post #13 |
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Shortstop
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Go back to the colonial system. Turn DC into a tobacco farm. Then it all becomes the queen's problem. |
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The Confederate soldier was peculiar in that he was ever ready to fight, but never ready to submit to the routine duty and discipline of the camp or the march. The soldiers were determined to be soldiers after their own notions, and do their duty, for the love of it, as they thought best. Carlton McCarthy | |
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| Kincaid | May 20 2008, 08:17 AM Post #14 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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You don't know much about Mercury, do you? |
| Kincaid - disgusted Republican Partisan since 2006. | |
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| The 89th Key | May 20 2008, 08:21 AM Post #15 |
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You bet Uranus I do! |
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| OperaTenor | May 20 2008, 08:44 AM Post #16 |
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Pisa-Carp
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Are we having regrets, LD? |
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| John D'Oh | May 20 2008, 09:34 AM Post #17 |
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MAMIL
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I would execute all reality TV presenters and contestants by locking them in a room with nothing to drink but bleach. Sooner or later their thirst would get the better of them. I'm sorry, but the suffering this would cause pales into insignificance when compared to the suffering they have already caused me. Suffering for art's sake isn't supposed to include the F*CKING AUDIENCE, OK! Next would come white rappers, closely followed by black rappers. I'd do it this way round both for the obvious reason, and also to deflect Jessie Jackson, who incidentally would not be heard from within an hour of my inauguration. It's hard to make eloquent rhyming speeches when your throat is FULL OF F&CKING CEMENT! Again, to deflect any suspicion of prejudice, I would also 're-educate' an equally annoying white person. I won't name any names, but let's just say the Rick Roll might well be a thing of the past. |
| What do you mean "we", have you got a mouse in your pocket? | |
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| LWpianistin | May 20 2008, 09:39 AM Post #18 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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:lol: |
| And how are you today? | |
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| Copper | May 20 2008, 09:40 AM Post #19 |
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Shortstop
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The Confederate soldier was peculiar in that he was ever ready to fight, but never ready to submit to the routine duty and discipline of the camp or the march. The soldiers were determined to be soldiers after their own notions, and do their duty, for the love of it, as they thought best. Carlton McCarthy | |
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| ivorythumper | May 20 2008, 09:43 AM Post #20 |
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I am so adjective that I verb nouns!
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Is that safe sex for committed couples? |
| The dogma lives loudly within me. | |
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| Frank_W | May 20 2008, 09:44 AM Post #21 |
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Resident Misanthrope
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Anatomy Prof: "The human body has about 20 sq. meters of skin." Me: "Man, that's a lot of lampshades!" | |
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4:47 PM Jul 10