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Help me with a title!
Topic Started: Apr 29 2008, 06:19 PM (385 Views)
dolmansaxlil
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HOLY CARP!!!
I have to model writing a memoir in front of my kids. At their age, modelling of a piece like this starts with writing it at home (the length makes it difficult to do in front of them) and then doing a "think aloud" of what you did, then revising in front of them. Here's the piece I wrote tonight. Remember, it's written as an example for 14 year olds, was written in 30 minutes, and has not been revised at all (though it desperately needs it!).

I can't think of a title, and I need to "come up with one" in front of the kids. This means I have to know it ahead of time so I can model how to think it through in a coherant way.

Help!

(And be nice. Think - they're 14 - I'm a better writer than they are, and that's all that matters!)

I sat down on the cold tile floor and gave a polite smile to the woman seated next to me. After choosing a playlist on my iPod, I put in my ear buds and looked around. A tall man in long, flowing purple robes hurried by and I smiled to myself. I opened my book and tried to read.

“Would you like some pumpkin juice, dear?” A woman had appeared in front of me. She wore a mid-shin length skirt and a fluffy pink cardigan. I grinned as I pulled out my earbuds, closed my book, and accepted the small paper cup of orange liquid from the woman. Her name tag was neatly printed in pink letters, and said “Dolores Umbridge”.

“Hey, mom! Can I get this book?” A boy in baggy jeans and a t-shirt held a thick volume out to his mother. She sighed and flipped it over to read the back.

“That’s a great book!” I just couldn’t help myself. “I was disappointed in the sequel, but that one was fantastic.” The boy looked hopefully at his mother who turned and introduced herself. I shook her hand and apologized for eavesdropping on their conversation.

“Oh, it’s not a problem at all. As hard as I try, I haven’t read every book that he decides he wants to read.”

“It’s great to see him here. All of the kids.” The boy rolled his eyes when he heard the word ‘kids’, but took the book from his mother’s hands and began to read. “Isn’t it amazing, what Harry Potter has done? All of this,” I swept my arm around, indicating the packed bookstore, “for a book?”

We chatted for the next half hour about Harry Potter, books, and our love of reading. Her son, as it turned out, was in grade eight. She had started reading the Harry Potter books to him out loud when he was only five.

“Excuse me! Move back, please! Coming through!” A couple of university aged girls, both wearing wizards robes, were wheeling a huge cart of boxes through the line that now snaked around the store. There were dozens of white boxes bearing red letters:

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
Do not Open Before July 21, 2007

The three of us grinned at each other. A cheer went up in the room as the cart made its way to the counter.

“10 minutes!” a voice announced over the speaker. Another cheer went up in the store. Several other kids made their way back to the line to their bleary-eyed parents. The air tingled with excitement. Another witch – this one wearing black robes, wire-framed glasses, and a tartan hat - offered us small bags of Bertie Botts Every Flavour Beans as we waited for the final minutes to pass. I grinned at the excited chattering of the girls beside me. They were discussing their theory on who R.A.B. could be. Suddenly, a boy who looked about 18 jumped in. The girls’ mother glanced at the tattoo on his forearm and the ring through his lip, but relaxed when he began talking about his own theories on what would happen to Harry.

“6…5…4…” The crowd joined in the countdown as the last few seconds to midnight ticked by. “…3…2…1!” A final cheer went up, and the line started to move.

“So, are you going to let him stay up and read it?”

“Yes!”

“I don’t know…” the boy and his mother spoke at the same time.

“Oh come on…” I teased, “If the thing your 13 year old son wants most at this point in time is to read a book…”

The boy flashed me a grateful smile, and I stepped up to the counter to make my purchase. As the salesgirl added the stamp to my copy stating that “on this 21st day of July, 2007 at one stroke past midnight” I had received my copy of the final installment in the Harry Potter series, I couldn’t help but be a bit sad that all of the excitement had come to an end. No other generation of kids would grow up waiting to find out what happened to Harry Potter. There was, after all, more magic in J.K. Rowling’s books than what happened at Hogswarts.

"Your first 10,000 photographs are your worst." ~ Henri Cartier-Bresson

My Flickr Photostream


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apple
one of the angels
a page in time
it behooves me to behold
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Mikhailoh
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If you want trouble, find yourself a redhead
'Dol and the Sorcerer's Tome'
Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead - Lucille Ball
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sue
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HOLY CARP!!!
Midnight

The End of the Day

Another Day, Another Book

The Magic Hour
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ivorythumper
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I am so adjective that I verb nouns!
dolmansaxlil
Apr 29 2008, 07:19 PM


I can't think of a title, and I need to "come up with one" in front of the kids. This means I have to know it ahead of time so I can model how to think it through in a coherant way.

How about "Harry Potter and Magic of Preplanned Spontaneity"?
The dogma lives loudly within me.
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pianojerome
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HOLY CARP!!!
"Memior essay"
Sam
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Red Rice
HOLY CARP!!!
Midnight Amidst the Muggles
Civilisation, I vaguely realized then - and subsequent observation has confirmed the view - could not progress that way. It must have a greater guiding principle to survive. To treat it as a carcase off which each man tears as much as he can for himself, is to stand convicted a brute, fit for nothing better than a jungle existence, which is a death-struggle, leading nowhither. I did not believe that was the human destiny, for Man individually was sane and reasonable, only collectively a fool.

I hope the gunner of that Hun two-seater shot him clean, bullet to heart, and that his plane, on fire, fell like a meteor through the sky he loved. Since he had to end, I hope he ended so. But, oh, the waste! The loss!

- Cecil Lewis
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dolmansaxlil
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HOLY CARP!!!
ivorythumper
Apr 30 2008, 12:13 AM
dolmansaxlil
Apr 29 2008, 07:19 PM


I can't think of a title, and I need to "come up with one" in front of the kids.  This means I have to know it ahead of time so I can model how to think it through in a coherant way.

How about "Harry Potter and Magic of Preplanned Spontaneity"?

I know, I know. But writing in front of an audience is difficult. At least, I find it difficult. My lessons are MUCH more effective if I plan them ahead of time.

Some forms of writing (procedural, persuasive) I've written in front of the kids, but any type of narrative is harder for me to do well on my own, let alone in front of a class!
"Your first 10,000 photographs are your worst." ~ Henri Cartier-Bresson

My Flickr Photostream


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ivorythumper
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I am so adjective that I verb nouns!
I was just funnin' ya, Dol! I'd hate to have to be on in front of an audience a classroom all day long! Planning the lesson is one of the most important parts of teaching, and your kids undoubtedly benefit greatly. :thumb:
The dogma lives loudly within me.
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Jolly
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Geaux Tigers!
Muggles at Midnight

The Power of Books

The Witching Hour

Return of the Wizard

Last Spell at Midnight

Midnight at the Resolution of Good and Evil

A Night to Remember

What a Long Strange Trip it's Been


And thirty or forty more bad titles, if I had the time....

The main obstacle to a stable and just world order is the United States.- George Soros
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DivaDeb
HOLY CARP!!!
Angel at the Borders

I think the kid's mom agrees to buy the book and he turns around to thank you, but you've disappeared

:lol:
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ivorythumper
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I am so adjective that I verb nouns!
An Enchanted Evening
The dogma lives loudly within me.
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kluurs
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Fulla-Carp
Mr. Potter's 'It's a Wonderful Life'

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big al
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Bull-Carp
Anticipation

(and I didn't know Jolly was a Grateful Dead fan [re: What a Long Strange Trip It's Been])

Big Al
Location: Western PA

"jesu, der simcha fun der man's farlangen."
-bachophile
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jon-nyc
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Cheers
Portrait of the Teacher as a Young Girl.
In my defense, I was left unsupervised.
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Jolly
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Geaux Tigers!
big al
Apr 30 2008, 01:34 PM
Anticipation

(and I didn't know Jolly was a Grateful Dead fan [re: What a Long Strange Trip It's Been])

Big Al

Not a Deadhead, but I know a tune, or two....
The main obstacle to a stable and just world order is the United States.- George Soros
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dolmansaxlil
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HOLY CARP!!!
Well, my lesson was a huge success. :)

The kids were really impressed with my writing (one of the benefits for writing for 14 year olds - I AM better than them at it!) and even my Harry Potter hating kids thought were rather taken with my ability to "embellish" on the details I couldn't remember. They did a lot of higher level thinking when I would tell them which parts were sort of manufactured, and could figure out WHY I would write a particular part the way I did. They were also really excited about going back to their journal entries (our pre-writing activity, designed to help them see that they DO have things to write about from their own lives) and could see what their writing didn't have that mine did.

So, mission accomplished!

We didn't get to the title, except that I scrolled to the top of the page and asked what I was missing. I simply told them that I hadn't figured out what to call it yet, and that that was ok. A title CAN come last. They get hung up on staring at the blank page not knowing what to call it, so I think that was good for them to see.

So, revising tomorrow, and I still need a title. So far, I like "Anticipation". Though I'm considering going into HP& the Deathly Hallows, and seeing if I can find something suitable that I can lift as a title. The kids who have read the books really enjoyed spotting the references, so that might be a good way to do that.

Keep the suggestions coming! :)
"Your first 10,000 photographs are your worst." ~ Henri Cartier-Bresson

My Flickr Photostream


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